Home on the Range

Bean-isms

2012-02-12T20:49:00.000-08:00

Note: I found this draft saved April 11, 2011. I was probably looking for a picture before posting, but then I got busy having Susanna and whatnot. I'm feeling nostalgic and want to post it today.

Ben is finding his voice and really saying some funny things these days. Here are some examples:

1. I'm trying to get him to say, "Benjamin". He likes to say, "Bean Bean Bean."

2. "Cue me". I have not been working with him on saying "excuse me" so it came as a shock when he said it to Gary. He says it to the pets, toys, other kids, and anyone standing between him and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. This phrase is also accompanied by him waving his little arm in a get-out-of-my-way-or-else fashion.

3. "Mmm. Bean eat Bean." Although, this sounds cannibalistic, he really means, "Yum! I can't wait to eat these refried beans!"

4. "Bean cook money." I had to teach Ben how to push his old highchair over to the sink to wash his hands because I couldn't pick him up anymore. This was both the best and worst thing I've ever done. On one hand, it's nice not picking him up, but on the other hand Ben uses his new skill often. One day, I turned around to find Ben at the stove stirring 87 cents in a pot. "Mmm, Bean cook money."

No, don't cook money. Please, go play with your toys.

5. Open It: This is my very favorite. We started talking to Ben about the baby in Mama's tummy and about what's going to happen when she's born. He knows where she'll sleep, which clothes are hers, that she'll ride in a car seat. Often when we're talking about the baby, he pats my belly and says, "Open it." If it were only that easy. Sigh.

When I told him the baby wasn't ready to be born yet, he started saying, "No baby, no weady yet?" He checks in every few days to see if the baby is "ready yet".

I hope he likes being a big brother and I hope he loves his little sister. And I can't wait to see what he has to say when she gets here.

Susanna Update

2012-01-30T21:59:00.000-08:00

Susanna is almost nine months old and a little spit-fire these days.

Susanna and Chuck at Animal Kingdom.

She's crawling, pulling up and even cruising a little. She's not super fast at crawling yet, but she's determined and moves with purpose. She seems to think huffing and puffing like a scary stalker helps.

She has two bottom teeth and likes to use them on carrots and avocado.

She's also babbling a whole lot these days. She says: mama, dada, baba and once looked me in the eye and said, "Mom." It almost sounded like she was annoyed with me and I'm a little scared of what the future holds.

Her hair is losing some of it's baby softness and that makes me sad. It's getting thicker and starting to feel like hair. And even though she's still a long way from a first haircut, here's a little gem I found on my mom's computer.

Ben looking cross-eyed and crazy for his very first hair cut :)

Just like her namesake, she loves animals and squeals with delight when she sees Gary or Brandy. She crawls over to Gary and pounds him in jubilation, her sticky little fists collecting clumps of cat fur. Then she freezes, concentrates, sticks out one tiny forefinger and thumb and waits... What's she doing? It looks like she's planning something, but you can't tell what she's looking at.

With lightning speed, she strikes like a snake. She's got one white whisker in her little pinchers and she's pulling it as fast as she can to her mouth.

Ha! Gary's met his little orange match. I'm embarrassed to say, but Gary makes me so crazy that I usually just let her abuse him.

In any case, Susanna is sweet and sassy and sure making us happy. Little Miss, your daddy says that you're as funny as you are pretty. We love you, Sugar!

Surviving the rain at Epcot January 2012

Ben and Susanna at Micah and Brittany's
wedding Jan. 7, 2012. That's Sprite in
Ben's cup.

Banana hates her car seat so much that when
she finally falls asleep she's literally
hanging on for dear life.

Blessed are those who Mourn

2011-11-02T21:22:00.000-07:00

And again, blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted. ~ Matt. 5:6

This verse takes on new meaning to me and I cling to its promise. There are no contingencies, no strings. You don't even have to do anything other than what you can't help doing anyway - mourn - and God promised that He would comfort you.

It's been three months since I said goodbye to my mom and these have been both the most beautiful and painful months of my life.

Sometimes my heart hurts so badly I feel like I might collapse. It's as if part of it just got up and walked out of my body, leaving a gaping hole that continues crumbling. I still cry almost every day and now my tears sting. It's almost like they're punishing me for being so weak.

But sometimes I watch the sun rise outside my bedroom window, and I think, "Surely this is the most beautiful sunrise there has ever been." And sure enough, the next one I catch is even more vibrant.

And sometimes I pick Susanna up and she squeezes my shoulder in her version of a little baby hug and I think, "What a wonderful blessing to receive this baby's love. I haven't earned it and yet she gives it so freely. This might be the best feeling in the whole world."

I have never had anything to mourn - truly mourn - and I find myself ricocheting through the stages of grief many times over. Sometimes I see red and I just have to get outside where there's room to breath. I run until my lungs and legs burn. Sometimes I wish for just a little while with my mom. I'd like to make Thanksgiving dinner with her or play veterinarian with Ben, watching her listen to Brandy's heart with a plastic stethoscope.

I mourn not just the loss of my mom, but the loss of my old life and sometimes the things I miss are supremely selfish. No matter how old you are, your mom takes care of you and my mom took good care of me. She brought me vitamins, washed my dishes, upheld my family in prayer constantly. Now I'm the mom and the caregiver. Now I have to remember to take care of my family with calls, cards, vitamins, gifts.

I miss having a willing babysitter at all hours of the day and night. I miss having a good family health history - my dad has diabetes and my mom died of a stroke at 56, it's just a matter of time before my pancreas or brain poops out.

The one thing I don't do is ask why this happened. So many people want - maybe even need - to know why this happened. They constantly ask me, "Did she have any warning signs, any symptoms?"

The doctors said the blood clot that damaged the pontene section of her brain could have been from previous surgeries (she's had two within the last year), an old neck injury (the week before she had the stroke, she complained of neck pain and a headache). She said it was from picking up Ben and Ethan on the fourth. One doctor said it could have been from taking supplements.

But I think Chuck's Grandma Enderle had it right. She said, "My grandma always used to say, 'The day you'll die is stamped on the bottom of your foot from the minute you're born.'" It's appointed unto man to die and I think Mom just finished up her work and went home.

And although this separation hurts so badly, I believe that God is merciful and generous and is blessing us even if we can't always see the blessings. Sometimes when I lay down at night, I feel someone place their hands on my head as though they are praying over me. I don't know who this person or angel is or what they are praying for, but I'm thankful for the ministry and testimony. And I'm thankful that God gave me what I needed even though I wasn't aware enough to ask for it.

I don't believe that the entity praying over me is my mom, but I do wonder if my mom is praying for us and asking for a protection we wouldn't know to ask for otherwise. I also believe that my mom is working on her side and that makes me happy. I know she's happy if she's sharing the love of Jesus.

I watch the Lord pour out His love through people who love Him and I feel Him holding me - holding all of us and I think, "How can we keep from rejoicing? There are too many good gifts to count."

My mom - and all those we love so dearly - are not gone. They are simply on the other side of the veil and our time apart is short - soon we'll "Meet again and embrace at Jesus' feet".

And the promises just get better and better.

Matt. 5:4-13
4) Yea, blessed are they who shall believe on your words, and come down into the depth of humility, and be baptized in my name; for they shall be visited with fire and the Holy Ghost, and shall receive a remission of their sins.
5) Yea, blessed are the poor in spirit, who come unto me; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
6) And again, blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted,
7) And blessed are the meek; for they shall inherit the earth.
8) And blessed are all they that do hunger and thirst after righteousness; for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost.
9) And blessed are the merciful; for they shall obtain mercy.
10) And blessed are all the pure in heart; for they shall see God.
11) And blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.
12) Blessed are all they that are persecuted for my name's sake; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
And blessed are ye when men shall revile you, and persecute you and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
13) For ye shall have great joy, and be exceeding glad; for great shall be your reward in heaven; for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

Chuck takes a lot of flack on this blog, but today I'd like to wish him a very Happy Father's Day and share a little about why he's a great dad.

I could mention that he tells his kids he loves them every single day or that he builds some of the sweetest Hot Wheels tracks I've ever seen, but I think I'd like to share another story. One that shows his preferred discipline style - Getting Even.

One hot afternoon, Ben and Evie were playing in a wading pool in our backyard. While they were refilling the pool, Ben splashed Evie with the hose. The next thing I know, Chuck said, "Don't worry, I got him back."

Huh?

Apparently, he watched Ben splash Evie, took the hose from him, and sprayed Ben in the face. Personally, I prefer to strive for a totally splash-free play date, and I find splashing someone who is basically one-fourth your size to be essentially assault.

But Chuck didn't think twice about it and defended his decision by pointing out that Ben did stop spraying Evie after he "disciplined" him. So, here's to Chuck's (and dads everywhere) unique style of discipline. Thanks for letting kids know there is someone bigger and tougher out there who won't hesitate to "show you how it feels".

Chuck, World's Greatest Dad, and the judges:
Baby Doo-Dan-A and Bean.

I'd also like to wish my dad a Happy Father's Day. Thank you for always encouraging me to do my best. Thank you for singing commercial jingles off-key, cheating at footraces and unwittingly sharing my childhood bowl trouble with my friends in high school (teenage girls are totally mature enough to talk about constipation).

Thank you for all the funny letters through college (I still have them). Thank you for not killing me when I backed the Grand Am into the garage crushing the brand-new siding. Thank you for being there for me when Blake died. Thank you for baptizing me and teaching me to listen to the Holy Spirit.

Most of all, thank you for loving me and my children. You're a great dad and I'm glad you're mine.

An exceptional dad right out of the gates. I truly
couldn't ask for more.

Mom Fail

2011-05-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

A friend posted this video on her FB page. (Seriously watch it, because it's so funny.)

It's a Mama cat and her kitten cuddling and sleeping. The kitten gets the sleep shakes and Mama comforts/cuddles her baby back to sleep.

This proves that I totally fail as a mom. When my little ones jump in their sleep, I do one of three things:

Point and laugh.
Call someone else over to join me in laughing at them.
Get the camera so I can laugh at them later.

It turns out common house cats are better mommies than I am.

Humans vs Apes

2011-05-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

I went to a Nursing Support Group today (Yes, I realize how lame that sounds, but it's totally necessary and actually fun.) and one new mommy was talking about her colicky baby. Nothing was working for her: nursing, swaddling, the swing...

My heart went out to her as Ben was a super colicky babe. There were nights when all three of us were crying :(

In any case, the lactation consultant suggested "wearing the baby". Put that fussy babe in a sling on your chest and move about your day. Then she said something that got me thinking, "Humans are the only mammals that put their babies away."

I think she was suggesting that lower primates - or even marsupials - have it right constantly carrying their babies. But as I think about it:

I don't have a pocket on my belly and
Really it's the babies that have super skills, not the mommies.

I don't know about anyone else, but my babies
can't cling to my body hair while I scale a tree.

Susanna is still a helpless little lump and Ben alternates between flailing wildly (No diapy change!) and being dead weight (No nap!). He uses whatever suits his current need.

Susanna being lumpy.

In general, childcare for other mammals seems easier. Bears "deliver" their babies while they're hibernating. Baby bears (weighing less than a pound BTW) basically walk out of their mother's womb and start nursing. Mama bears don't even wake up.

My experience has been, um... different.

Although at times I wished I wasn't, I was awake for both deliveries.
We'll skip the details, but both times it took an entire team of people to yank my children out of my body.
Both Ben and Susanna were confused about nursing. (They are definitely not taking care of business on their own while I sleep). Ben chomped frantically like Pac-Man and Susanna coils and then strikes like a blind snake. Both tactics are as painful as they are counterproductive.

I don't want to feel subpar to an orangutan just because I like to "go to the bathroom by myself" or "need both hands to eat a ham sammich". So, I tried to think of at least one mammal who isn't winning Mom of the Year.

And I found her. In 2005, Brandy had her first and only litter of puppies. She delivered 10 black lab puppies and, in general, was a caring and attentive mom. But she was always anxious to take a break. Whenever we came in the room, she'd get up and leave.

If she was a person, she would have said, "Oh, I'm so glad you're here. Do you mind watching the babies, while I run to the bathroom?" A half hour later you'd find her smoking a cigarette on the back porch.

I can safely say, I'm not sneaking smokes out back so take that other mammals - I win!

How To Ruin Your Baby In One Simple Step

2011-05-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

We've only had Susanna for two weeks, and only had her at home for a week and a half, but never fear, we've successfully ruined her.

She was born sleeping through anything. I attribute her chill attitude to her abusive gestation. Seriously, Ben played the snare drum at top volume at my belly every single day. I actually had to wake her up to feed her and even then I'd have to poke her awake, change her diaper or even give her a bath to get her up for any length of time.

But that all changed with one innocent move. And here it is:

Chuck ruining Susanna.

Yes, that's Chuck and baby Susanna sleeping and snuggling on the couch. There is almost nothing better than snuggling a newborn baby. So one evening after I fed Susanna and she was still in-and-out of sleep, I said to Chuck, "Do you want to snuggle her while she falls asleep?"

And that was the beginning of the end. That night, I could not get her back in her bassinet for anything. She'd nurse and nod off. Then I'd lay her down and she'd pop up. I'd start all over and she'd pop up again. At one point I'd been up for two hours and was still failing at getting this baby safely back in her own bed.

For those who don't know, pediatricians suggest having babies sleep on their backs on a firm mattress with only a fitted sheet. No inclines, loose blankets, pillows, stuffed animals or any other comforts that babies (and normal people) like.

So at this point, I'm debating options trying to decide which is the least dangerous:

Walk, bounce and possibly drop the baby. I am only 5' 2", but that still a long fall for someone only 19 inches long.
I could put her in bed with us. (Both my children LOVE our pillow top mattress - you can literally lay them down wide awake and they will go to sleep on our bed. I have seen both of them fall asleep while I went to get a diaper.) But at this point I'm extra sleepy and don't trust myself not to roll on her. Nor do I trust Chuck, whose name I've been hollering for the last half hour only to be answered by snorts.
I could try to put her in the bouncy chair, which she sometimes sleeps in during the day. The tricky part of this is deciding how to strap her in as she likes to wiggle out. Ben used to sleep in this chair and one extra-foggy morning I panicked because he wasn't in his chair - he was on the floor in front of it.

See, I am a poor decision maker in the middle of the night and an even worse parent. In the end, I went with the chair and luckily come daybreak (approximately half an hour later) Susanna was still safely strapped in.

In the light of day, I have made her bassinet only moderately dangerous. I put a fluffy blanket in the bottom, but put a tight blanket over the top so it's still smooth, just softer. When she starts rolling, we're going to have to switch to the swing.

Only slightly dangerous sleeping accommodations.

On a side note, I told Ben, "Benny, we ruined your sister and we've only had her a week! Are you ruined?"

Sitting in our bed at approximately 6:22 am, with his legs under the covers and his little hands propping his head up on Chuck's pillow, he said, "Yeah!"

He's probably right.

Here are some shots of our bed at 6:30 this morning. Chuck and I were getting ready for the day and these two were snoozing/watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse happily after sneaking in our bed. They are such pills, but I guess we only have ourselves to blame.

They totally kicked us out of our own bed.

Ben looking happy that he's ruined.

Susanna was sitting up talking with us... for about
2.5 minutes. Then she fell asleep in this super
dangerous position. Don't get used to this sweetheart,
this is how babies die and we're not taking chances.

My Arch Nemesis

2011-05-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

Get a good look at this face. Memorize his orange stripes, his white whiskers, the blank look in his eyes. This cat is my new nemesis.

~~Nemesis~~. Arch Nemesis.

He's not my nemesis because he's a little bit dumb and mildly irritating:

He chases his tail like a lab puppy and then jumps when he catches it.
He chews up cardboard boxes leaving tiny cardboard snowflakes littering my floors.
He eats food off the table.

Clearly guilty.

He's my nemesis because, today, he licked my baby girl's hair. My greatest fear has come true. That stupid cat, who attacks my hair nightly - the same cat who makes me sleep in a stocking cap like I'm eternally camping - has set his sights on my sweet baby girl.

Susanna sleeping peacefully, back when Gary was still
boarding and her hair was still safe.

Heed my warning Gary, if you destroy Susanna's hair, I will destroy you.

Learning How To Be A Boy

2011-05-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

This seems like something that should be instinctual (tooting/sword fighting/scratching), but apparently it isn't.

I remember reading in Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson that boys identify with a male role model at several developmental stages - the first was as early as 18 months. He said that boys actually have to learn to how be men and that their role model defines masculine behavior for them.

In the last month or two, it seems as though Ben is going through one of these stages. He has really attached himself to Chuck and has kind of become his shadow. If watching Chuck tells Ben what men are supposed to do, then Ben is currently learning that men mow the grass and wash cars.

This spring, Ben has been standing at the window while Chuck mows. He watches him mow the entire yard. I'm talking standing at a window, watching someone walk back and forth, mowing for a solid hour. I would consider this torture, and can't believe this is the same kid who thinks it takes too long to put pants on before going outside to play.

Chuck said I could let Ben outside while he was mowing. (I don't know why I didn't before. Maybe I thought he'd bark and bite at the mower.) Ben was in heaven. He marched proudly right behind Chuck, walking in perfectly straight little lines, going all the way to the fence before turning. Then he got his toy mower and just followed after Dad shouting.

Bean mow! Daddy MOW!

When we tell him the yard looks nice, he says, "Yeah! Bean mow!"

Chuck is being so sweet and supportive with the birth of our daughter and has taken two weeks off. He's spending a lot of quality time with Ben and trying to get a few little extras done around the house - specifically, giving the cars a thorough cleaning.

Yesterday, he and Ben cleaned his car:

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. The tricky part is knowing when to stop washing. Chuck is very particular about water spots, in fact, you could say that water spots are his arch enemy. So, he towel dries the car after washing it. I watched him feverishly drying the driver's side as Ben "rewashed" the passenger side he'd just dried.

Toddlers need really clear instructions, "Now it's time to dry the car. Here's a towel. You do it." They also need water confiscated.

In any case, it looks like Ben is well on his way to learning the ins-and-outs of being a boy... or at least outdoor chores.

Welcome Susanna June

2011-05-08T06:41:00.000-07:00

Although it took us nine months of gestation and 24 hours of looking at her, we finally named our sweet baby girl. Welcome to our family Susanna June!

We scheduled a c-section for May 5th (you're welcome SG - that was just for you) with the doctor who delivered Ben. Dr. Caffrey is a kind surgeon who joked about finding his watch and asked me if I wanted him to "just go ahead and put in a zipper this time."

At 12:04 pm, Dr. Caffrey showed us this:

Our first look at our sweet baby.

Baby Girl Enderle was 6lbs 5oz and had a full head of red hair!? Her hair wasn't the only surprise. I really expected this baby to look like me. Ben looks so much like Chuck, I thought surely this baby would be mine. After all, I just carried her around for nine months, but more than anyone else, she looks like Benny. Sigh.

Newborn Ben

She does have my ears, hands and dimple and we'll see how she changes as she grows. But I still feel a little robbed doing all this work to have have my babies look like Chuck.

I really had pictured our daughter being a dark-haired pixie and secretly thought Norah was going to make the final cut. As a reminder, it was down to two choices:

Norah Ann (using my middle name)
Susanna June (named after both my mom and Chuck's mom)

... and a late favorite:

Pippa Anne (Yes, this was inspired by Kate Middleton's little sister.)

But the red hair threw us for a loop and we ended up choosing Susanna June for the following reasons:

Chuck said he simply couldn't imagine calling a little baby Norah. He said it was too grown up. I can see that.
Our sweet baby was born on the same day Chuck's grandma, Donna June, passed away two years ago. Donna loved children and we feel it's a sweet tribute to her to name our baby girl after her.

Just in case this is my only daughter, I want to honor my mother and my best friend.

Gammy Susan, Susanna, Mama.

So, our baby girl is Susanna June, named after three amazing women who have spent their lives teaching children about Jesus. My prayer for my sweet Susanna is that she will have the same heart for Jesus as her namesakes and spend her life investing in others the way these remarkable women have.

So far, she is a sweet cuddly delightful little baby.

I have lost my mind and like to coordinate hair bows
with hospital gowns... and Chuck puts bows on
like an athlete might wear a sweatband.

I don't think Ben realizes that we are going to keep this baby. When I tried to get him to hold her, he said, "No baby!" I still think he'll be a great big brother.

Ben and baby sister, Susanna.

In any case, I am excited to go home. I miss my Benny Bean and am ready to be home as a family of four.

Our first family pic. Ben says, "Cheeeese!"

Inappropriate Responses

2011-05-04T05:49:00.000-07:00

I love hearing Ben's words and finally knowing what's going on in his mind. However, at two, he's still far from mastering the ins and outs of acceptable conversation.

Every night we have a little family worship. By that, I mean we read one or two scripture verses and pray as a family. By pray as a family, I mean Chuck or I pray while Ben either rolls around like a pig in the mud or plays his snare drum. (Although, sometimes he prays and that basically includes listing his grandparents and my mom's dog.)

To keep him engaged, I ask him to find letters that he recognizes in the scriptures and then read the sentence containing the letter. He likes to pick out: B, I, O, and T.

Tonight, he found a B and I read the first line of Psalm 128, "Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in his ways."

Ben said, "Oh-kay, " as if he didn't believe what he was hearing. It was low, sarcastic, and basically the same way I say okay when he insists on doing something that's going to make a huge mess. It's kind of like, "You're going to carry that full watering can from the kitchen, through our living room and out the front door without spilling it? Oh-kay."

I wanted to say, "No, that's really true. People who fear the Lord really are blessed," but it seems a bit early for that lesson. Thankfully, our Heavenly Father loves children and I'm sure he knows Ben's heart and enjoys these funny little "missteps" as much as we do.

And this is not Ben's only conversational misstep. Here are several examples:

1. Someone sneezes. He also sneezes. No amount of me saying, "Benny, when someone sneezes, we say 'Bless you,'" seems to reach him. He continues to mock those suffering from seasonal allergies.

2. Saying "I love you": Often a grandparent will say, "Ben, I love you." And he'll respond, "Yeah!" It sounds like, "Yeah I know, what else is new?"

3. "Yah, I do." You have to say this the way Arnold Schwarzenegger would say it and Ben says it for everything. He and Evie were playing and I asked them, "Are you guys friends?"

In her little singsong voice, Evie said perfectly, "Ben's my friend."

Ben shouted, "Yah, I do!"

I really feel like raising a child is sort of like domesticating a raccoon. (Maybe it's just Ben.) I'm going to continue to try to teach Ben appropriate responses. In the mean time, please don't hold his words against me.

Are We There Yet?

2011-04-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

Today marks 39 weeks and I've had enough fun for one pregnancy. I am ready for this baby to get out of my belly and in my arms. Seriously, it's getting crowded.

Aside from needing a crane to get out of bed and swelling like a tick when the temperature creeps up above 75 degrees, I have two very specific reasons as to why I need to have this baby.

1. My thermometer popped. Just like a Thanksgiving turkey, my belly button has popped out. While lots of people joke about me being "done", they've taken it one step further - poking my new outie. It never bothers me when someone touches my belly (they're just loving the baby), but poking my bellybutton sort of surprises me.

I'd like you to think about the last time you touched another adult's bellybutton. If you're like me, you probably haven't. Here in the Midwest, that's just not something you do. We have strict lines of appropriate touching that include shaking hands and maybe a pat of the back. So, as you can imagine, mine is extra poppy and extra tempting.

2. I might "wreck my car" extra often when I'm pregnant. I'm not sure if I'm simply distracted or if there is truly some medical explanation and I really can't see anymore, but with both pregnancies, I've had two accidents.

Luckily, I'm mostly attacking our garage and not innocent drivers. With Ben, I backed my car out of the garage with the driver's door open crunching it like frat boy crushes a beer can. In fairness, it was a 2002 Toyota Echo and essentially made of plastic (what you let go in safety, you make up in MPGs).

And while we were replacing the door, I forgot to put the rental car in park when I ran in the house to pick up some lunch. I came back to the garage just in time to see the 2003 Intrepid drive into the back wall of the garage. I tried to tell Chuck that the second one wasn't really my fault because I wasn't technically driving. He didn't buy it.

This time around, I sideswiped my van on the donation box at the recycling center. (Yes, weekly I take three giant bins of recyclables and always leave a donation. That's what I get for trying to be a good world citizen).

In the most recent incident, I closed our garage door with the van's liftgate still open. It crashed into the gate three for four times - sensing a foreign object, going up and then coming down again... and again. BTW nice safety measure. What if that were Ben? The door would have crushed him, gone back up, and crushed him again. I haven't told Chuck about this one yet and I may not. Luckily, he still doesn't read my blog.

My point is, that for some reason I am a menace to our vehicles and garage while pregnant and it would less expensive (and better for my marriage) if I wasn't pregnant anymore. So, I looked up ways to go into labor naturally and honestly, didn't like what I saw. Many of the options sounded gross, confusing and even dangerous.
They were so awful, I can't even write about them, so read some of the tamer options here. While long walks are nice this time of year, I can't bring myself to take anything that might cause "horrific diarrhea". And on another site, I read about primrose oil and, um... direct cervical application. In the words of Will Ferrell, "You wouldn't hire a clown to fix a leak in the John would you?"

Since I can't handle those methods, I came up with my own plan:

1. Two-a-days: I'm basically going to condition like a sophomore trying to make the varsity football team. I plan on running our stairs (and by running, I mean huffing and puffing while I waddle around at a pace most would consider "walking at a moderate speed"), set up cones in the back yard and time me and Ben as we run the 40, and scrimmage. Ok, no scrimmaging, but I will be making daily exercise in the morning and family walks in the evening a priority.

2. Raspberry leaf tea: This was one of the less-disgusting options and is supposed to "organize" your contractions. I've been drinking it every day. Ben likes it too. He says, "Mmm, gook tea. Mama tea gook. Mmm, mmmm, mmmm." I'm desperate enough that I look past the floaties.

3. Massage: I've made a date with Keri, my dear friend who is also a massage therapist and hopefully she can hit some points and set things in motion.

Wish me luck. As much as I'm ready to see and hold this baby, I know it will hurt and I'm a little apprehensive (ok - a lot apprehensive).

What's Your Greatest Fear?

2011-04-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

A friend once told me about a conversation she had with a roommate in college. The roommate asked her, "What's your greatest fear?" clearly looking for a meaningful, connecting conversation.

Although, Roomie had her answer ready, my friend didn't. She said, "Oh... I don't know. Maybe... snakes?"

Well, snakes really are Ben's greatest fear. He sees them in books and hisses, "Snake icky, keh!" He spies sticks on the ground and won't walk past them. He sees them coiled in aquariums and backs up.

In fairness, his first up-close encounter with a snake was kind of scary. We were playing at a friend's house with five kids and one lab running around when our ball rolled toward the street. As I walked to retrieve it, a three-foot-long black snake lunged at my leg.

I'm sure this snake was simply enjoying the sun after a long winter, just like we were, but the dog, kids and ball were probably stressing it out. Ben was just a step behind me and even more stressed than the snake by my friend's screaming and her dog's attack. (Yes, we watched the dog attack, shake and subsequently kill the snake. Then it killed two more.)

Ben was frozen with fear and that's when he began refusing to walk past anything that remotely resembled a snake (sticks, strings, worms, garden hoses). Luckily, he no longer becomes paralyzed and begins to cry giant cartoon tears at the sight of sticks. But I think that snake left a big impression.

Ben's fear is so all-encompassing, it got me wondering what is my greatest fear? This is tough because I'm pretty much afraid of everything, but I've come up with a short list:

1. Something will happen to me and Chuck will be the sole caregiver for our children. Before I explain, let me say that I think Chuck is a great dad. He makes time to play with Ben every single day, he reads with him every night before bed (he never misses even if that means he'll be up working until 11:30 or later). He obviously loves Benny and I know he'll be just as good to our daughter too.

But he's still a dad and dad's have some holes. For instance, I was gone almost all day on Saturday and the following is a real conversation:

Jackie: Did you and Ben have fun today?

Chuck: Yep.
Jackie: What did you do?
Chuck: Hung out with Chris and played some T-ball.
Jackie: What did you feed him for lunch?
Chuck: I thought you fed him lunch before you left.
Jackie: No. I left at 11:00 am, why would I have fed him lunch?
Chuck: He was eating when you left.
Jackie: Yeah, he was eating his morning snack - the one I give him every day at 10:30 am.
Chuck: You really didn't feed him lunch?
Jackie: You really didn't feed him lunch?!
Chuck: He didn't say he was hungry.

Fair enough. Dads are simply too busy having fun to be bothered with mundane chores like "feeding" the kids. And in the long run, having a fun day hanging out with Dad is more important than one meal.

Dads really are fun. They think doughnuts are an acceptable, even healthy, breakfast option. They think it's ok to skip brushing your teeth if your camping - in fact, don't even bother packing your toothbrush. And they always have good ideas on how to make everything bigger and better. Like:

"You call that a fire? I'll show you how to make a really big fire."

"If you bounce like this, he'll catch your bounce and fly off the trampoline."

Dads are critical to families. If you're blessed with a good one, enjoy it and thank God every day for the father he gave you. But I think kids also need moms to provide peas at dinner and peroxide when there's been just a little too much fun.

2. Gary will finally succeed in chewing off a large, unfixable portion of my hair. I still sleep in a stocking cap because he thinks I'm his sister cat and purrs/grooms me nightly. He chewed some very stylish bangs for me earlier this year and they're just now growing out.

2a. Gary will decide my baby girl is also his sister cat and chew her hair off.

3. Ben will be just as helpful with his baby sister as he is with the rest of the household chores. Don't get me wrong, I love his willingness to help and diligence in completing a project. And most days, I'm even ok with the fact that when he helps with the dishes, that means the entire kitchen will be wet when we finish.

But I have visions of him shoving binkies in her mouth or sunglasses in her eyes. I know his heart will be in right place, but he's simply not physically capable of executing all these plans he comes up with.

For fun, I tried to image Chuck, Brandy and Gary's greatest fears. Here's what I came up with:

Unfortunately for Chuck, I think he faces his fear annually:

2010 Standings: W-67, L-95

Every April he gets his hopes up and by July he's saying, "I'm just excited for football." You have to admire his loyalty. Also unfortunately for Chuck, he's a Chiefs and K-State fan.

I'm almost certain that this is Brandy's greatest fear:

Brandy wants a puppy like she
wants a bath. She's an old, tired dog
who maintains a strict 8:00 pm bedtime.
A puppy is out of the question.

I am 100 percent sure this is Gary's greatest fear:

An empty food bowl is the only
thing that's ever managed
to elicit a panicked mew from Gary.

I tried to get a video of Ben telling me how much he hates snakes (because he's so stinkin' adament about it), but that totally failed. I got cheesy Bean instead.

Your Baby Can Read?

2011-04-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

An old picture, but one that shows how much Ben
loves Evie. He asks to see her weekly. It sounds like,
"E-He Houk? E-He Houk?" That means, "Hey
Mom, can I play with Evie at her house today?"

Ben may or may not have read his first word today. We went to Toddler Time at the Mid-Continent Library and Benny picked out Evie's name tag. Twice.

Side Note: This is a favorite Thursday activity with Miss Jean whom Ben simply calls "Jean". It seems kind of rude when he marches up to her, hands her a book to check out and says, "Here Jean." Luckily, she is a true librarian and simply thrilled that kids want to check out books. She probably wouldn't care if he called her "Jim".

In any case, the library provides apple-shaped name tags for the kids to wear. During class, a teacher comes around and gives each child in attendance a sticker for their name tag. Last week, Ben got apples and Evie received strawberries. Then they both examined the other's tag.

This week, Evie wasn't there, but Ben went up to the table with approximately 15 unclaimed name tags, picked up Evie's and said, "E-He."

I brushed it off, "Yeah, good guess that is Evie's name tag."

Then he did it again. I asked him, "How do you know that's Evie's name tag?"

Of course he didn't answer me. I'm sure partly on principle (It's not cool to answer your mom's questions - just ask Dad.) and partly because he can't.

Seriously, he calls Evie "E-He". And this is an improvement. I'm just grateful he stopped calling her "Wee Wee". People would ask, "What did he say?"

"Ha ha. I'm not sure. I didn't hear him." All the while I'm thinking: Please don't say that again, because BTW, you also call your business 'wee wee'.

I'm not sure if he recognized the letters, the strawberry sticker or the combination, but something looked familiar and he knew it belonged to his friend. So, Congratulations Benny! You read your first word today! It seems appropriate that you did it at the library - Miss Jean will be thrilled.

Update: It's come to my attention, that I should include the rest of the this story. To test Ben, I took two index cards and wrote his name on one and Evie's on the other. I handed him Evie's and asked him to read it. He studied the card carefully, furrowed his brow and said, "Uhhh... licka, licka, licka, licka."

I think that means he cannot "read". However, he's starting to recognize words he's seen before. He keeps bringing me these cards saying, "E-He. Bean!"

Be Careful What You Wish For...

2011-04-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

... It just might come true. I am currently living out this saying and all of it's negative connotation.

Chuck and I have been married for five delightful years and like many other couples, opposites attracted. He's naturally a spender and I'm naturally a saver. For five years, I've tried to trim our spending and increase our saving.

And for five years, Chuck has said things like this:

I don't like pinching pennies on vacation. (Vacation = Branson and he's usually talking about how many times he's going to ride the go carts.)
Jackie, I'm a simple man. I only want a boat, a motorcycle and an RV. (Only.)
(And my favorite) Look, I'm just here to have a good time. (This usually precedes purchasing an obscene amount of food. At the Missouri State Fair, I once saw him eat two hot dogs, nachos and a funnel cake. He washed it down with freshly-squeezed lemonade and got some root beer "for the road". I really don't understand how he stays so slim and trim.)

The Chuck I fell in love with enjoys life and doesn't worry about the tab. Then he discovered Dave Ramsey. Hooray, right? You'd think I'd be happy because I'm finally getting my way - more saving. But the timing is lousy, because right now, I'd like to spend a little.

I am due May 7th, and honestly preparing to have this baby in April. There are three things I'd like before I deliver: a manicure, a pedicure and a massage. Truly, I don't ask for much. I don't color my hair, I think $15 jeans at Kohl's are good enough and I eat out approximately twice a month. On a regular basis, I'm a frugal person.

But my feet and back hurt and my nails are gross from all the dishes and hand washing. I'd like to feel good before facing the pain of actually having the baby and look at least a little put together before sleepless newborn nights leave me looking like this again:

This is the part of your life where you stop wearing
makeup and "combing" your hair. You also usually
have throw up on your clothes, but nobody notices
that because your clothes themselves are ill-fitting
and partially unbuttoned. It's not pretty.

However, when I told Chuck that I had a few extras I'd like to work into the budget, he said, "How much is that going to cost?" The old Chuck would have said, "Sounds great!"

When I told him I wanted to spend a mere $150 on pampering, he said, "That money has to come from somewhere. You can't add money in one category without taking it from another. Where's it going to come from?" (Dang it! Now he's using my own words against me.)

"We could decrease what we're sending to savings," I squeaked.

He asked if I thought that was a responsible habit. Sigh. Of course it's not "responsible", but I have a baby in my belly that has to come out one way or another - and BTW - either way will hurt. Can't I get a little sympathy? I'm not asking for diamonds, I'm asking for someone to rub my feet. And seeing as how I'm carrying around an extra 20 lbs and can no longer reach them myself, I think that's a reasonable request.

In reality, I love the new thrifty Chuck. I just find it frustrating that he found the light 20 short days before my annual indulgence. To his credit, he approved the additional spending - albeit after I suggested that he could give me a pedicure. Now all I need to do is make my appointments. Yipee!

Final Two

2011-03-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be impossible to find even one name that Chuck and I agree on, but we've found two. Our choices are:

Norah Ann (I think I prefer this spelling.)
Susanna June (She would have one name from each grandma and that would be really sweet.)

We're going to live with them for a little while and maybe even wait until the baby is born to choose a final name. She might really look like one or the other.

As much as I loved Brenna, I don't want to commit to "B" name. What if we have another child and can't find another "B" name we like? I know families like that and I always feel badly for the odd-man-out when I get their Christmas card.

Merry Christmas!
Love,
Ava, Andrew and Josh

Poor Josh! His parents really couldn't come up with one more "A" name. How about Allen, Asher, or Aiden. No? Ok, there's always Aaron, August, or Arthur. No? Avery? Atticus?

The Duggers have 19 children and they haven't run out of "J" names yet - it is possible. You just have to try! I can't even appreciate the card because I'm too busy pitying/renaming their youngest child.

In any case, feel free to weigh in on the final two options.

Let's Play: Name My Baby (Updated)

2011-03-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am now almost 34 weeks along and working hard to get ready for our new baby girl. Specifically, naming her.

This is tricky business because Chuck and I fundamentally disagree on what a name should represent or who it should honor. Chuck usually pulls inspiration from hall-of-famers or "hot" girls from high school. I think if we're going to choose a namesake, we should honor people like our parents or grandparents.

Despite our differences, we're trying to come to an agreement. (Actually, Chuck is a very giving man and simply said, "Just bring me your top three and I'll pick my favorite. Isn't he wonderful?)

Here's what we've done so far.

I made a long list of names:
Alice - of noble kin
Anna - gracious/merciful
Anne - gracious/merciful
Beatrice - bringer of joy
Bethany - town near Jerusalem
Brenna - sword
Breanna - noble
Cora - heart
Easter - born on Easter (I think she might be born near Easter)
Elizabeth - God is my oath
Elsa - God is my oath (short form of Elizabeth)
Evangeline - messenger of good news
Jane - God is gracious
Jerah - boldness/bravery
Jessa - God beholds
Joy - happiness
Margret - pearl
Martha - lady
Myra - admirable
Natalie - born on Christmas day
Nora/Norah - honor
Savannah - open plain
Susanna - lily

Chuck made a short list of names:
Morgan - great circle (hot girl from high school)
Victoria - winner/conqueror (not sure of his inspiration here)
Joy - happiness (Jaime Presley's character from My Name is Earl)

Famous for saying, "Hey
Dummy, quit lookin'
at my boobies."

Then we looked to our family for inspiration:
Chuck's Grandmas:
Wilma Fern
Donna June

My Grandmas:
Vesta Verl
Dorothy Carolyn

Our Moms:
Barbra June
Carolyn Susan
Paula Beth (This was almost my mom's name, but my grandma lost that battle.)

We'll skip going back any further. I didn't really know my great-grandmas that well, but stories about them involved a lot of judgement and firearms. I can't remember the details, but I know at one point my mom said, "Grandma, please put the gun down, I'm afraid you're going to shoot me."

Then I made a list of unreasonable demands:
1. The name has to fit this baby:

She seems sweet (she never kicks too hard).
She also seems laid back... or hearing impaired. Ben plays his snare drum (again, thank you Little Brother for that super thoughtful Christmas gift) pretty much every day and she never even flinches.
She seems to love Chuck and Ben. If they touch my stomach she always taps them back. It's like she's saying, "Hi. I know who you are and I love you."
Although we don't know who she'll look like, I'd like to strive to hit the mark. Here are several choices:

Ben: Lots of siblings look alike and, unfortunately for our daughter, Ben looked like Grandpa Enderle. The handlebar mustache looks sharp on Grandpa, we'll see if she can work it.

Grandpa and Bean looking handsome.

Joseph: My mom keeps telling me how similar this pregnancy is to hers with Joseph. I'm having pregnancy nightmares of a bearded, guitar-slaying baby girl.

Joseph shredding on a tiny pink guitar.

Me: Chuck says he hopes our baby girl looks like me. Little does he know, as a child, I may have look like a wild animal.

Judging by my weird little bangs, it looks
like this picture was taken after one of
my many self-haircuts. Don't blame my mother
for my crazy hair; I'm sure it was my fault.

2. It has to coordinate with Ben's name - Benjamin Charles. Benjamin is a traditional name and Charles is a family name.

3. It has to be clearly a female name. There is a current trend toward unisex names or giving girls traditionally boy names. And although I know lots of cute Taylors and Ryans (of both genders), I think this girl needs a girl's name.

4. It has to have a nice meaning. I simply can't name my baby something that means "sadness" or "afflicted". With every little cold I would think, "This is it. We named her Whatever-Name-Means-Afflicted and now she's doomed to spend her whole life afflicted."

5. It has to be versatile. When we were trying to name Ben, SG suggested Fletcher. I just can't imagine a person named Fletcher doing anything except working in a ski shop and aspiring to become a professional wakeboarder. We need something that will allow her to grow up and be an accountant or writer or whatever else she wants to be.

6. I would prefer a two-syllable name. (Like I said, these are unreasonable demands.)

So here are some names I've been playing with:
Alice Easter
Elizabeth Joy
Elsa Anne
Evangeline Fern
Jessa Beth
Jerah Beth
Joy Elizabeth
Susanna Joy

And here are my top two choices:
Nora Anne / Norah Ann (Annette is my middle name)
Joy Susanna (Susanna would honor my mom)

Update 1:
I love the write-ins! I didn't realize Brenna was such a favorite and I really like Evangeline Ann. Please keep your ideas coming :)

Update 2:
My parents don't love Nora and my dad said he would call her Noriega. If you're like me and don't know what that means, let me share. Manuel Noriega was a military dictator in Panama in the 80s. A quick glance at Wikipedia tells us he was a pretty bad dude. Plus, he looks like this:

The notorious Noriega

Despite this new information, there is no way I can come up with a name that's safe from my dad's nicknames so at this point, I'm undeterred.

Bubble Boy

2011-03-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

In order to share this story, I have to admit to my extreme negligence as a parent. Please overlook it.

This evening Chuck was out running emergency errands - purchasing a new grill cover because ours is tattered and it will probably rain tonight. So bath time responsibility feel on me.

I started the water and began to undress and Ben, but realized I was super hot in my long-sleeved shirt and jeans so I went to change. (Just in case anyone missed it, this is the negligent part.)

Ben won't climb in the tub himself so I thought this would be a safe choice even with the water running. And if we were only concerned about drowning, it would have been. Little did I know that Benny had a secret plan and judging by the speed with which he executed it, this was a plan he'd been cooking for a while.

I came back - literally 30 seconds later - to find the bath tub completely pink and the previously half-full Lander's Kids Bubble Bath container essentially empty. This is a 64 ounces container. So, in the time it took me to put on a t-shirt, Ben unscrewed the lid and dumped approximately 30 fluid ounces of Silly Strawberry Bubble Bath into our tub.

Evidence

The extreme bubbles were already forming and within a minute they were cresting the top of the tub. At this point, we only had one choice: celebrate this extravagant bubble bath for the once-in-a-lifetime treasure it was.

I plopped Ben in the tub and we made bubble art:

Bubble Beard (I got one too, but wouldn't let Ben
operate the camera from the tub.)

Bubble Hats

Even a Bubble Mullet.

This was probably the best bath of Ben's life... until we couldn't get the bubbles off. We rinsed and rinsed and rinsed, but only made more bubbles. Finally, I had to take him to the sink and give him what Chuck calls "a whore's bath". He cried.

But I think if he had the chance again (which he won't - bubble bath is now considered toddler contraband), he'd take it.

Peas in a Pod

2011-03-18T13:26:00.000-07:00

We have T-8 weeks until our baby girl is born and Chuck keeps asking me if I'm excited for my new best friend. I assume this is partly a jab at how much I love my mom, but I think he has sometimes felt a little left out because Ben was such a Mama's baby.

He always says that Ben is his best friend and I'm Ben's best friend. I try to remind him that we ought to be Ben's parents not his friends, but this point seems to fall on deaf ears. Plus, Ben is growing out of his Mama Phase and discovering how fun Dad can be.

Just in case Chuck ever starts reading my blog, here are my three examples of how similar they are and how much fun they have together.

Exhibit A - Extreme Sports:
After dinner I was washing the dishes listening to Ben and Chuck giggle in the living room. My heart was full and I was thinking, "Isn't that sweet, they're playing together and having so much fun." Then I turned around. I should have expected what I saw, but foolishly I didn't.

My six-foot tall husband was standing on the right arm of the couch and my two-year-old was was standing on the left. What I thought was a counting lesson, turned to horror before my eyes:

Together they said, "Three. Two. One. Blastoff!" And then they both fell face-first onto the cushions collapsing into giggles.

Chuck caught me looking at him and said, "It's ok, we're boys."

My mind was racing:

You are not a boy. You're 31 years old.
You're the DAD. You should be setting a good example, not teaching our child bigger and better ways to jump on the furniture.
This game looks like a head injury waiting to happen.

I nixed the criticism and decided to focus on what I wanted to happen - getting Ben and Chuck to play together appropriately. So I said, "I'm glad you guys are having so much fun and this is a very creative game, but instead of teaching Ben to jump on our furniture, why don't you take him downstairs and play with toys."

Chuck was happy to oblige. He said, "Come on Ben, let's go downstairs and play swords."

Sigh. Well, that's a little closer.

Side Note: I secretly want a video of this game, but feel like a hypocrite suggesting that they play it again.

Exhibit 2 - Super-Sonic Sense of Smell:
Chuck's habit of smelling his food before he eats it has long entertained me. Especially when we were first married he was discovering the wonderful world of vegetables.

Chuck: What is this?
Jackie: It's asparagus. Haven't you eaten asparagus before?
Chuck: No.... is it good?
Jackie: Well, I think so. I made it and I'm eating it.
Chuck: Hmmm.... Sniiiifffff.... (Biting.... chewing... ) Hmmm...

Ben smells his food too. He'll lean over his plate, inhale deeply and declare how icky something is. (Definitely developing a thicker skin about my cooking. It's hard to please a two-year-old).

But Ben smells more than just food. The other day at my parents' veterinary hospital, he picked up the end of the central vacuum and sniffed it. I truly thought I was going to throw up. I know what they suck up in that thing and it is gross. Think toe nails and matted hair. Ew.

My mom was gut laughing, I was fighting back my breakfast.

Exhibit 3 - Preferred Sleeping Accommodations:
To make room for the new baby, we moved Ben into what was our spare bedroom and moved him into a full bed. That's right we skipped the race car, toddler, and twin beds and went straight to a full. We made this decision because we already had a full-sized bed and didn't have any other place for it. It seemed silly to get rid of it, not have a place for company to sleep, and buy a toddler bed.

So we made it as toddler-friendly as possible. I asked Ben for about a week if he wanted to sleep in the big bed instead of the crib and at first he said no, but then he came around. On move day, we waved goodbye to the crib and carried all his little friends to the new bed. He climbed in and looked so happy.

We called Chuck up to see the new bed complete with Ben and he said, "Wow, that looks so comfy. I wish I could sleep in that bed."

Now, many people will think that Chuck was just saying that to make Ben feel like he's getting something really special, but he was completely serious. And every day for the last week, he's mentioned how he wants to sleep in that bed. In fact, the one morning Ben woke up super early (6:15 am) Chuck practically sprang out of bed and said, "I'll go lay with him and see if I can get him to go back to sleep."

In fairness, it does look pretty inviting.

Ben enjoying his new bed. Also a rare nap with pants.

On a side note, Chuck keeps asking where Ben will sleep if his mom comes to town. I keep telling him, "With her." I bet they'd both love it.

So, Ben and Chuck, I'm glad you guys love each other so much and Chuck remember, you have a few more years where Ben thinks everything you do is amazing. Enjoy it.

How to Ruin Your Children

2011-03-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

Many moms I know worry about "ruining" their children. They joke about starting a therapy fund and confess fears they probably haven't even shared with their husbands.

As friends, we reassure each other with comments like, "Oh, you're not bossy. You're efficient." or "So what if you're sometimes dramatic, you make life fun. Your kids know you love them and they're happy."

Most of the moms I've had these conversations with love their children fiercely and provide a constant home base of acceptance and security. Even adult children know that Mom's arms and ears are open if needed. These women are far from ruining their kids.

I however, am actually ruining Benjamin and here is the photographic evidence:

Ben being ruined.

That's right, Ben is roller skating... pantless. It's bad enough I let him roller skate every day like this is 1978, but letting him do it without pants is unconscionable. Adding insult to injury, instead of rectifying the situation (I'm totally capable of putting pants on him), I photograph him instead.

He's probably going to end up like this:

Ben's unavoidable future.

Ben decided he loved roller skating at SG's birthday party. He tore up the floor and even made it to the final round of the limbo. (I like to think his height advantage was offset by the fact that it was his first time skating.)

Ben's first time on skates.

He loved it so much, he found a picture of roller skates in a book (a funny Mickey Mouse book from the 80s book my mom gave to me) and said, "Bean keet! Bean keet!" probably 100 times. He'd pull out this book, shove his stockinged foot in my face and beg to skate.

So, one Saturday morning, I sent Ben and Chuck to Toys R Us with $100 in birthday/Christmas money. I gave Chuck a very detailed list of what he was supposed to buy:

Roller skates
T-ball tee
Sippy cups that look exactly like this (sent actual cup)

Chuck asked, "Do you want me to spend all the money?"

I resisted saying, "Please give me one example where I would say, "Chuck, it is imperative that you spend all of this money!"

Instead I respectfully said, "Well, there's no need to try to spend..."

"Ok, we'll spend ALL the money!" Sometimes I don't even know why I bother talking to Chuck, he's clearly not listening.

So off Chuck and Ben went to the toy store. I wish I could have seen them shopping. I imagine it included at least seven full laps of the store, Ben asking for things by picking them up and yelling, "Bean! Bean! Bean!" I also hope Ben called Chuck, "Daddy Chuck" which he sometimes does. I'm sure it took at least and hour and a half and was general chaos.

Then they came home with their loot: skates, a T-ball stand, hockey sticks and binkies... and Ben proceeds to ask to roller skate every moment of every day. At 6:15 in the morning, I get him out of his bed and he says, "Bean keet." When we're driving home, when I'm laying him down for a nap, when he wakes up from his nap. He wouldn't even take his skates off to eat dinner.

He always wants to skate and that's how this picture happened. Every single day, we have lunch and play for about 15 minutes while he poops. I take his pants off to change his diaper and leave them off for his nap. (I always ask and he always says, "Off.") Then he woke up, anxious to skate. Rather than wrestle him into pants, then shoes, then skates, I simply put his shoes and skates on.

And then I realized what I'd done.

Then I laughed at him.

Then I photographed him.

I wish I could say this is my only indiscretion, but it isn't. I am notorious for dressing Ben badly and then laughing at him. You can find evidence here.

So Benjamin, when you're older and reading this thinking, "This explains everything! Mom is the reason I (fill in whatever you'd like to blame on me here)," just know three things.

You're probably right. I did ruin you.
But I do love you very much.
And no, I did not start a therapy fund for you. You're on your own like the rest of us.

One, Two, Three...

2011-03-03T20:44:00.000-08:00

Today is another red-letter day for Benny. He counted to nine all by himself without any help or prompting. Technically, he skipped four. We're not really sure what he "said". In fact, it honestly sounded more like a burp than a word, but he started back up with five and was really rolling by eight.

We celebrated and I tried to get him to call Mama Jack (what he's currently calling my mom) and say, "I counted to nine." He repeated the sentence once, but thereafter refused. Instead, he gave me that face that says, "I can't believe you are so lame." It's amazing how that expression is so instinctual.

Despite the face making, we're still proud of Ben's counting accomplishment and in Ben's own words, "Go Bean!"

This is a recent picture and another milestone. Ben put

his shoes on all by himself.

They may not be on the correct feet :)

We love you, Ben. You are a delightful person and we're so thankful God gave you to us.

How to Catch a Stray Cat in 24 Easy Steps.

2011-03-02T13:42:00.000-08:00

I am officially a crazy cat trapper lady and I'm not even embarrassed. I trapped my first feral cat today and I'd like to share my step-by-step secrets.

1. Spy sad little cat picking through garbage and shivering in sub-zero temps. Note that this sewer cat is new to the neighborhood and decide he is probably the same cat you saw streaking out of your garage in the fall.

2. Put food out because you are a tender-hearted sucker.

3. Decide to trap it and spend too much time looking at small animal traps online.

3a. Regret this decision when you see Amazon's latest "Items you might like" list. Amazon clearly thinks you are Ted Nugent.

4. End up tricking your mother into buying two traps for just $25 at Tractor Supply.

4a. Celebrate because now you can trap the sewer cats and the sewer 'coons.

5. Spend the next two weeks "earning sewer cats' trust".

6. Enrage your own pets by feeding the strays on your front porch.

6a. Wake up to scary growling and become terrified that there is a bear in your house. Try to rouse your watchdog from a dead sleep.

Vigilant Watchdog

6b. Fail.

6c. Go downstairs weaponless to discover your cat attacking the window and Sewer Cat sitting on your porch looking terrified.

Reenactment

7. Put out enough cat food to also feed a flock of crows who begin to poo on your front porch.

8. Decide (against your better judgement) to tell Husband the truth when he asks, "What's all over our front porch?" Now Husband is angry with you.

9. Suspect Sewer Cat is really a she and is pregnant.

10. Begin to like Sewer Cat and bond with her as another expecting mother.

11. Make Neighbor super angry and receive nasty text message:
"There is a cat in your driveway, get it before I shoot it. Lol."

11a. Become agitated by Neighbor's poor use of "lol". What are we laughing about, your misplaced rage at a little cat simply existing in your line of vision or shooting said cat? Neither seem funny.

12. Make Husband even more mad because Neighbor sent him a text message too:
"Tell Jackie to put some poison in that cat food. I just picked up 10 cat turds out of my yard."

13. Imagine Neighbor digging through his bushes picking up cat turds. Giggle. Begin to feel a little bit better.

14. Give up your secret hope that you can spend the next six months feeding and socializing Sewer Cat with the hopes of finding her a nice home. (Now she winks at you when you feed her.)

15. Decide to set the trap.

16. Realize super-cheep trap didn't come with instructions.

17. Discover the extra-reputable trap manufacturer also does not have a website.

18. Turn to the experts: You Tube!

18. Watch approximately 14 videos on operating live traps and trapping feral cats. Here's a favorite.

19. Withhold food for 24 hours and feel awful. After all, you know what it's like to be pregnant and hungry.

20. Bait and set the trap.

21. Catch Sewer Cat.

22. Deliver Sewer Cat to parents' veterinary hospital. There she is confirmed to be both a female and six weeks pregnant with five or six kittens. Send Sewer Cat to a new home... in heaven.

23. Miss Sewer Cat tremendously. Cry privately and rename her Nissa 2 (after a childhood cat).

24. Repeat as necessary.

And that's how you catch a stray cat. In the words of Bob Barker, "Please spay and neuter your pets."

The Big Reveal

2011-02-16T19:51:00.000-08:00

I am a terrible blogger and a promise breaker. AA hit the nail on the head:

"Bean want Mama watty."

actually means...

"Ben wants Mama's water."

Why should he drink out of his cup when he could backwash in mine?

A Milestone for Ben

2011-02-09T21:54:00.000-08:00

Today is a red-letter day. Ben said his first full sentence. I guess some of his two-word answers technically count as sentences and these two-word phrases are still entertaining.

He's recently added a couple more that I really enjoy:

No diapie - No diaper
No meat - I think this is self-explanitory.

But today Ben truly said an entire sentence with a subject, verb and object and here it is:

"Bean want Mama watty."

Would anyone like to guess what this means? I'll reveal the answer tomorrow.

Do the Right Thing Phil

2011-02-01T13:30:00.000-08:00

How seriously do you think the good people of Punxsutawney take threats against their groundhog? I'd really like to send him this message (written with my right hand so it looks like a crazy second grader hopped up on Kool-Aid and delirious from weeks without recess is really behind the crime):

Dear Phil,

You'd better not see your shadow... or else!

x x

-----

I'm guessing Phil's celebrity status is somewhere between actual meteorologist Al Rokar and the man who really put Groundhog Day on the map with that awful movie, Bill Murray. I'm fairly certain threats are not taken lightly and that they would find and prosecute me (or worse, put unflattering pictures of me on the cover of tabloids). Plus, I doubt Phil can read. Look at him:

Punxsutawney Phil

He's got a tiny little groundhog brain - it's a wonder he can predict the weather so well. Actually, I'm not so sure he's all that great at predicting the weather. He uses the "Shadow Method".

He emerges from his burrow, and if the day is sunny and he sees his shadow, he's frightened and thinks there will be six more weeks of winter. If the day is cloudy, and he doesn't see his shadow, he knows spring is on the way. This seems a little backward as I think in terms of:

Sunny = spring
Cloudy = winter

Plus, the first day of spring this year is scheduled for March 20th (approximately six weeks after Groundhog Day). It sounds to me like Phil definitely can not read and probably needs someone to explain North American weather patterns to him.

Although, he may be smarter than he looks, in the last 10 years, Phil has seen his shadow nine times. As I watch Blizzard 2011 rage outside my window, it feels hopeless. No matter what Phil says, we will have six more weeks of winter and probably won't survive this horrible, harsh winter.

This is what we've resorted to:

That's right, pawing at sponge capsules amidst a karate explosion of abandoned toys. I feel like tying a message to Brandy, slapping her backside and begging her to bring help - specifically an inflatable castle and hot chocolate.

No Gaga. Why Gaga?!

2011-01-24T19:59:00.000-08:00

Ben uses this phrase often and most recently when we were picking up Gary from Farview (my parents' veterinary hospital) where he was staying while we were out of town.

I asked Ben, "Do you think we should pick up Gary and see Grammy Susan and Papa Jack?" (As a side note, I'm not sure why I ask Ben questions where his answers mean absolutely nothing. No matter what he says, we're going to pick up the cat, so why ask? I think I just want to see what he's thinking.)

In any case, you may have guessed he said no. Then when the building came into view, he began to cry, "No Gaga! Why Gaga?!?!"

I didn't know what to think. Does Ben really not want to take Gary home?

I guess I can see his point. Gary is sort of like Goldilocks - he's always the offending "somebody" who's been sleeping in someone else's bed or eating their porridge. Although he's the smallest member of the family, no one is exempt from his torment.

Somebody's Been Sitting in My Chair. Gary acts as Ben's little brother playing with his toys, looking at him, and generally bothering him. Gary lays on Ben's blanket, acts like Catzilla on his train table and basically ruins Ben's life the way little brothers everywhere ruin the lives of their older siblings.

Somebody's Been Eating My Porridge. Gary eats Chuck's food... almost daily. I think Chuck is an easy target because:

He often leaves food unattended. Chuck has no idea how many times I've saved a turkey sandwich abandoned on his desk from Gary's greedy clutches.
He's generally unaware of Gary's transgression for at least a minute giving Gary time to work. If I had a nickle for every time I've heard, "Gary! Stop eating my tacos!" I could probably buy at least two tacos... four if it's Tuesday.

Somebody's Been Sleeping in My Bed. Again, almost daily I see Gary sleeping on Brandy's dog bed and Brandy pacing uneasily. She shoots me glances that seem to say, "Can't you move that cat? Please!" I like to let the pets settle their own differences so I've never interfered hoping Brandy will work up the courage to put Gary in his place. She hasn't, instead she's taken to sleeping on my bed. Hmm, this plan seems to have backfired.

Gary doesn't bother me the way he bothers everyone else. He's usually as respectful as you can expect a house cat to be and affectionate to a fault. Nightly, he cuddles my face and head, licking my hair and purring in my ears.

However, last night he crossed a line. A line that should never be crossed and no matter how much I wish I could go back, I can't uncross this line.

I was sleeping peacefully (for once) and woke just slightly to roll over (you need to be semiconscious to haul this belly from one side to the other) when I felt something soft on my face. I opened my eyes to see Gary cradling my face in his little orange paw. He was staring into my eyes lovingly and then he did it. He closed his eyes and... licked my lips.

Ew! He put his gross little cat tongue on my lips. That stinkin' cat essentially kissed me on the lips. Looking back, I can see he was putting "the moves" on me, but having been married for five years (or simply being married to Chuck), I am out of practice when it comes to identifying moves.

I still think I might be sick and resent what I'm calling The Midnight Attack. All I can say is, "No Gaga! Why Gaga?!"

Cabin Fever

2011-01-14T21:43:00.000-08:00

One of the only drawbacks to being a housewife is that, most of the time, you are expected to be in your house.

People who are creative might like this. They'd probably spend their days baking or painting. People who love cleaning might also like this - they'd have lots and lots of time to deep clean and organize closets and drawers.

But I don't really like cleaning and baking is fun unless you've got a toddler as your assistant.

Actually, from time to time, I give baking a good shot. I'm not sure if I'm optimistic (maybe this time will be different) or forgetful (oh, it wasn't that bad). In any case, I plunge head-first into a flour-covered disaster.

Today, we tried to make banana bread. Although we did wash our hands before starting, I still wouldn't suggest eating this bread for three reasons:

I gave Ben a bread pan to grease and halfway through the greasing, I saw him licking his pat of butter. But he did finish greasing his pan so good for him.
When I added salt to the dry ingredients, he added freshly cracked pepper batter. Inventive.
The eggs were simply too mysteriously tempting. I wouldn't let him even touch one, so when I cracked the first egg and put the shell in the trash, I turned around to find Ben wrist-deep in yolk.

The bread itself turned out pretty good... so we gave it to Daddy. Thankfully Chuck doesn't read this blog.

Covered in flour and proud of his loaf. The day we
actually get dressed, the pants only last an hour.

But one bad batch of banana bread is not going to cure our cabin fever. And over the last four weeks we've been home a lot so the fever is dangerously high. Ben had two different strains of the flu and this week all our play groups were canceled because of a measly negative wind chill.

However, Ben seems to be well-suited to being a shut-in. He doesn't seem to mind wearing the same pajamas for 48 hours straight. He also makes up lots of fun games like "Chase Gary with a Balloon" or "Run in a Circle Screaming". Here he is looking cleaner and less orphan-y than usual, but still wearing PJs.

Our house is cold so we stay bundled up -
kind of like we're camping but with TV.

Despite Ben's brave face, I can't take any more of this so I've created a Winter Survival Guide. This guide includes fun things to do over the next three months until we can safely go outside and play again. Playing outside is really the key to raising children and protecting your house.
Winter Survival Guide:

1. Music with Mar: A fun toddler play group where kids sing, dance and learn. Every Monday or Tuesday morning and a meer $6.00 per class.

2. Take Ben to his first movie: I think we'll see a matinee showing of Tangled, sneak in some allergy-friendly snacks and not worry if we have to leave early.

3. Fun Town Factory: This is actually a great little treasure right up the street. It's an arcade, with inflatables (bouncy houses), with a dance floor, with a pizza shop, with ice cream. Ben is drawn like a moth to a flame when they play Macarena, and the pizza is pretty good.

4. Toddler Time at the Library: The Mid Continent North Independence branch is newly remodeled and super fancy. They have a fun toddler class at 10:00 on Thursdays.

5. Tricycle races in Tiff's Basement: One friend has a large, unfinished basement. I'm trying to convince her we need to host trike races. She says it's currently too cold.

6. Play in the Snow? I have a lot of rules about weather. For example, I won't swim unless it's 90 degrees and I won't swim in a lake until July. Snow is no different, but there is a very slim margin of acceptable conditions. First, it must be above 20 degrees. Second, it must be sunny and third, there can be absolutely no wind. We have not yet met those conditions.

7. CoCo Key: An indoor water resort across from Arrowhead and Kauffman stadiums. We went last year and had a great time.

8. Fun Run / Tunnel Voyage: Two fun toddler options, but $7.00 - $9.00 per trip. We'll probably coordinate with a friend and only go once to each.

9: Kaleidoscope / Crafts: I think we're going to have to start doing stinkin' crafts. Although, I'm pretty sure Ben hates crafts almost as much as I do. He always says, "No Mama!" when I try to get him to color. If we make a special trip to Kaleidoscope, he may see other kids being crafty and be more likely to join in at home. We'll see how this goes.

10. Mavericks Hockey: We're going to take Ben to his first hockey game tomorrow. I hope he likes it.

11. Bowling: I might take Ben bowling. He liked it last summer and Summit Lanes has a Mom and Me class for $3.00/person.

12. Basketball / Aim Fire / General Horseplay: These are all games we play at home that involve throwing in the house. Again, the hardest part of being a housewife is actually being in the house.

Use Your Words

2011-01-06T13:57:00.000-08:00

Chuck and I have been attending a parenting class called Conscious Discipline. It’s put on by the St. Paul Methodist Church in Blue Springs and is an outreach program for the church and advertising for the church’s preschool.

I really enjoy this class. It spotlights some to the bad habits that are easy to slip into as a parent and gives alternatives. We’ve covered Composure, Encouragement and yesterday we learned about Assertiveness.

Assertiveness is clearly and concisely communicating what you want your children to do and expecting them to do it. There is no shouting, guilt, lectures or threats. You simply say, “Pick up the blocks and put them in the basket.” And then expect them to do it.

If they resist or say no, you use a “Tell and Show” approach. Walk over to the child, say their name and wait for eye contact. After you get the eye contact, begin to show the child what to do. As soon as they begin to comply, encourage them with, “You’re doing it! Good for you!”

Being assertive with your child takes the place of being passive (asking) or aggressive (threatening) and firmly, but respectfully communicates expectations.

This lesson couldn’t come at a better time for me, because Ben has found his No Voice. All toddlers have it and it’s an important developmental step. (I like to tell myself this when I want to give the naysayer away.) Toddlers have to separate themselves from their parents and begin to see themselves as an individual person, not an extension of the parent. At least that’s what the books say.

And at some point, we want our kids to know how to say no. Do you want to invest your life savings in this pyramid scheme? Do you want to smoke this doobie? Do you want to live in our basement for the rest of your life? Some situations need a no answer.

But at two, Ben uses no for non-negotiables. Here’s how one conversation went.

Mom: Alright Ben, let’s change your clothes.

Ben: No.
Mom (wrestling toddler): Hey, let’s sing a song. How about If you’re happy and you know it?
Ben: Yeah. Bing. Yeah.
Mom: …then your face will surely show it. Ben come back here, we have to put your pants on.
Ben (looking Mom directly in the eye): No Pants.

This is just one of many. Here is a list of some of my other favorite No Phrases:

No come. (This always follows, “Ben come here.”)
No topping. (No shopping. This includes an extra-sad face and crocodile tears. It’s usually reserved for the grocery store.)
No bed. (Self-explanatory.)
No Gaga. (Used for a variety of Gary’s antics – eating Ben’s food, sleeping in his bed, attacking his feet, biting his toys, laying on his Hot Wheels tracks. It’s sort of like Gary is Ben’s little bother and ruins his life daily.)
No home. (He can recognize our route home from three different directions and they all produce the same heart-broken cries. “No home. No home.” When I ask him where he’d like to go, he always says, “Topping.” Yeah right.)
No way. (This means, “No, I don’t want to put my toys away.” Or “No Mama, don’t help me. Go away.”)

Is it wrong that I think his sad faces
are so funny?

I am still surprised by this back talk. Not that it’s happening, but that it doesn’t involve, well… more talking. I always imagined my children telling me no, and including why. Ben just says no. Chuck pointed out that “No Pants” is really all there is to say. They are such peas in a pod.

Ok, there’s more to this class. The next step in this process is to teach your child how to be assertive with peers (although, clearly mine is able to be assertive with me). The example they used was a tattling situation and here it is:

Child: Cameron pushed me!

Adult: Did you like it?
Child: No
Adult: Go tell Cameron, “I don’t like it when you push me. Say, ‘Move please.’ Practice this now.”

When the child has mastered an assertive voice (not whiny or aggressive), he or she is supposed to go to the offending party and communicate exactly what they didn’t like and what they want to happen.

Conscious Discipline says, “The conflict is never resolved until you end with telling the other person what you want.” It encourages parents and teachers to focus on the behavior they do want rather than what they don’t want.

I was just thinking about how this could be applied to dealing with a customer service representative, coworker or spouse, when Chuck turned to me to practice. He said, “I don’t like it when you eat all the bean dip.”

This is on the heels of several pointed conversations. Namely, “Jackie, I don’t mean to ask you this, but did you eat all this dip?” Yes, I ate all the dip. No, I’m not sorry. BTW, I’m pregnant and hungry.

I’ve definitely had an increased appetite this last week and although I don’t feel like I have any true cravings, I do have food aversions and that leaves my options limited.

I just don’t feel like eating meat right now. I get my protein requirements from eggs and beans (I know that sounds like a bad combination, but it’s working). Chicken, pork chops, steaks all sound awful. Ben’s dietary needs (and Chuck’s dietary wants) dictate that I serve a lot of meat hunks. Rather than making double meals, I just enjoy the sides, maybe a salad and some bean dip.

So what if I polished off the dip. If I’ve ever earned the right to eat all the snack food, it’s now – I’m growing a person. I need sustenance and I choose dip.

I guess I’m proud of Chuck for finding a constructive way to air his grievances. It’s definitely better than his previous plan of asking me if I ate something, his voice dripping with judgment. Who do you think ate the dip? The other three “people” (term used loosely on all counts) in the house, can’t open the refrigerator. Yes, it was me.

So in 2011, let’s all practice communicating assertively. I’ll go first.

Chuck, I don’t like it when you judge me for eating so much. Please don’t comment on my eating habits. Ever."

And here’s my bean dip recipe just in case you want to eat too much too.

1 block cream cheese softened

1 can black beans drained and rinsed
1 can rotel drained
½ cup shredded cheese (Mexican blend or cheddar)

Blend all ingredients together. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes or until cheese is melted. Enjoy with your favorite tortilla chips.

Resolutions and Such

2011-01-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

I love new beginnings and always love making resolutions - even in the middle of the year. This year, I have a long list of things I'd like to accomplish, but only two real resolutions.

1. Go to bed earlier. This means in bed by 10:00 and sleeping by 10:30.
2. Have daily devotions with Ben.

There are lots and lots of things I'd like to do this year: trim our budget and save more, deliver a healthy baby naturally, make a smooth transition from a three-person family to a four-person family, keep better track of birthdays, exercise four times a week, and yes, even blog more. But I really believe all these things will fall into place if I simply resolve to do these two things.

Going to bed earlier is off to a great start. Last night Ben got up (for the first time) at 11:00. Chuck said I was so out of it when I went to get him that I couldn't even make a sentence. Even though it was probably a little dangerous for me to lift Ben out of his crib, I still consider this a win.

As far as daily devotions go, I'm still ironing out the details. I'm using a book Ben picked out, yes I'm one of those parents who let their kid grab stuff at the store and then I buy it. It's called Jesus is My Friend and it's by Instant: Bible Lessons for toddlers.

I've divided the chapters into two-week lessons through then end of April and Easter. We'll do one of the activities weekly (probably on Monday or Wednesday), but every day we'll pray, sing a simple song or rhyme, and read one scripture. I'm still searching for our daily scriptures, but we're well on our way.

Ending at the end of April seems like a dangerous time because that's when the new baby is due. It seems like it will be easy to let this just fall by the wayside, but I don't want to spend a lot of time planning in the wrong direction. I'll have to just evaluate at the end of March and try to plan through the end of the year then.

One last change. I've never really liked the name of this blog and so I'm going to change it for 2011. I've been coming up with some pretty awful ideas, but wanted to give both my readers a chance to weigh in.

To properly name something, you have to understand it's function and the function of this blog is to keep a record of this time in my life (my family with small children and their antics) and hopefully entertain its readers. So, here are some of my ideas:

Using our Names:

My Life with Chuck (this was suggested by a friend who thought Chuck was hilarious - albeit unintentionally)
Enderle Anecdotes
The Adventures of Ben and Gary (a little sad because it leaves the new baby out)

Using Anecdotes: I like the word anecdotes because that's exactly what I'm doing - telling short, true stories that generally end with a lesson learned.

Amusing Anecdotes
Entertaining Anecdotes
Insignificant Anecdotes
Inaccurate Anecdotes
Mostly Accurate Anecdotes
Undefined Anecdotes
Entertaining Anecdotes Staring Unwilling Actors

With a tag line: I like tag lines - they give dimension to the title and I have to confess, sometimes I stretch the truth just a little bit.

Enderle Anecdotes - a Childhood Survival Guide
Enderle Anecdotes and Other Mostly True Stories
My Life with Chuck - based on a true story (or loosely based on a true story)
The Adventures of Ben and Gary - also loosely based on a true story

Popular Phrases:

Small Potatoes
Tall Tales
Tall Tales about Small Potatoes (ok, now I'm just tired)

Please keep in mind that I am awful at naming things: think back to Gary and Benny. I need to go to bed to keep my first resolution. Thanks for the help and not judging me too harshly.

Need a Helping Hand?

2010-12-28T17:36:00.000-08:00

About a month ago, Ben started playing a game we simply call Hand. He gets stuck, puts one little hand in the air and yells, "And! And!" We say, "Oh no, are you stuck? Do you need a hand?" and help him out. It's a very suspenseful game and there's a collective sigh of relief when he's unstuck.

I should mention that Ben's version of getting stuck is ~~rarely~~ never really stuck. Sometimes he lays face down on the floor, sometimes he's on his back on the steps. He's been known to put one leg behind a piece of furniture or simply cross his legs. But if you heard his pleas, you'd believe we were dealing with a life or death situation, but we promise he's fine.

One more point before we go on, Chuck also likes to get "stuck" and Ben takes his job as emergency responder very seriously.

I love this game... at home. It's fun to see his imagination working and let's face it, a little drama breaks up the monotony of our days. I do not love this game at the grocery store. People can give you some pretty nasty looks when you have a toddler laying in your cart with one leg and one arm up in the air yelling in a panic. I also do not like this game at the doctor's office.

One morning we were waiting to see our family practice doctor and had to wait about 45 minutes (basically an eternity in toddler time). After about two minutes all the snacks were gone and we'd read Cat and the Hat - twice. So Ben started his game. He'd scoot under a chair and yell, "And!" When the nurse finally called us, the receptionist said, "He's the wild one over there."

Thanks.

Despite my best efforts to quell the game in public, it continues and is expanding. Yesterday, Gary was rolling around on his cat back and Ben yelled, "Gaga, and! Gaga and!" and reached out to take Gary's paw. Gary bit him, but Ben seems undeterred in his mission as first responder.

And this morning, I was contemplating taking down the Christmas decorations, when Ben started playing with the Little People Nativity set. We were talking about Mary being Jesus' mama and the next thing I knew, baby Jesus was face down and Ben was yelling, "And!" Luckily Mary came to Jesus' rescue.

I have nightmares of Little Sister (what I'm currently calling the new baby) face down and Ben shouting for rescue. For now, we'll enjoy the antics.

Christmas in Review

2010-12-26T21:54:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of this Christmas season, I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish and enjoy. Here is that list:

1. Teach Ben that Christmas is about Jesus' birth.
2. Help Ben learn generosity.
3. Not worry about money.
4. Not snap at Chuck, Ben or any other innocent bystander.

I simply wanted a peaceful, worshipful, happy home for the holidays. In years past, I have been guilty of being snappy at the very people I love the most. Get out of my way! Can't you see I'm trying to do something nice for you?!?! Yeah, not what I wanted to do this year :)

I would say I accomplished those goals about 80 percent. For the last month, Ben and I have been reading children's books about Jesus' birth. Our two standbys were The Animal's Christmas Eve and The Very First Christmas. Like most two-year-olds, Ben likes to read the same books over and over again and he especially loves donkeys (which are heavily featured in Christmas stories so that helped).

Ben made all the animal sounds, pointed out the donkeys and the "GaGas" (cats). He also enjoyed pointing out the Jesus' star, kissing baby Jesus goodnight and declaring his hatred for Mary. I think he doesn't like that she's on top of the donkey or maybe it's because her eyes are closed in a lot of these pictures, but he always points to her and says, "Ick." I try to tell him, "Benny, that's Jesus' mommy, she's a nice mommy." He just looks at me and hisses. Fine - hate the virgin Mary, but seriously that makes no sense.

I've often wondered why Jesus was born in a stable and after actually delivering a baby (well, being in labor for a day and having him cut out of my belly - not sure if that's a real delivery), it makes me really sad for Mary. I can't think of anything worse than being in labor while riding on a donkey, delivering your baby without your mom and with your new husband, while out of town in a stable. But now I think maybe it's because kids love animals so much, it helps them learn about Christmas.

I'm not sure how much of this Ben really understands. Does he understand that babies grow up to be adults? Is it confusing that sometimes Jesus is a baby, then he's a man, then we pray in His name? I'm really not sure how much sinks in, but if he understands Jesus was born and animals, people and angels were happy, that's probably enough.

To help Ben learn generosity, we made pictures and ornaments for the people we were going to see on Christmas. When Ben received a gift from someone, I wanted him to have something to give them in return so he could learn that gift-giving is a two-way street.

There are little green scribbles
in the left corner. While
Ben was writing he said,
"Bean!"

This was an exercise in patience because 1.) I hate crafts - they are tedious and lame and 2.) I hate crafts with two-year-olds. If you want a mess to clean up and glue all over yourself, your cat, carpet and child, by all means, plan a craft. We made our presents on Christmas Eve and basically ended up with paper, pom poms and stars all over - Ben even had one little gold star stuck to his bottom, which I didn't remove because he looked so festive.

However, I think the sentiment was a success. Ben was super excited about opening gifts this year (finally learning that wrapped boxes mean toys) and he seemed to like giving too. Next year, we'll either do the craft earlier or put together little baskets of no-bake treats. Baking is also bad news with a toddler unless you like sweeping up flour and throwing away all the cookies with finger prints (oh, who am I kidding - eating the finger-print cookies.) I think I'll also let him make a list of people he wants to give a "gift" to.

I made my list and budget early and didn't stress about how much Christmas was costing even once. Yippee - that's a 100 percent victory. And I only snapped a Chuck once on Christmas day (that's basically 100 percent for me). I didn't even glare at the man who cut me in line at the post office while I was holding three packages and a crying two-year-old. Yes, single man mailing one envelope-sized package carrying nothing else, clearly your time is more important than mine and obviously your hands are more full. Please, go ahead of me.

For next year, I think my goals will be the same; although, Ben will be more involved and it will be more challenging with a seven-month-old baby tow. I think we'll add more books, more movies and more activities. Stickers are an okay "craft". I'll probably also spend more time reading the story from the scriptures too.

I had a list of activities I wanted to do with Ben and we actually made it to everything.

1. Winter Wonderland at the Bass Pro Shop. We went with Cole and Noah in the afternoon and had a great time. We watched a model train, rolled monster trucks, raced cars and even got in a little target practice with a Nerf cross bow. It was a really fun FREE event, but if you want to see Santa, pick up a ticket during the day and it moves you to the front of the line.

2. Jackson County Christmas in the Park. Ben loves lights and even though we spent almost two hours in the car (one of which he was out of his car seat and doing really helpful things like turning on our hazard lights) it was worth it. Ben loved it. Next year, I think we'll go earlier in the season and earlier in the day.

3. Trains at Union Station. We saw the model trains at Union Station and that was by far Ben's favorite activity. We went through two rooms of trains or "choo choo beans" as he likes to say. Ben also rode a small train and met Santa, whom he looked at with suspicion.

Christmas fun at Union Station

Don't look at me, Santa!

Lone rider on his first time around.

Hi Mama!

4. I hosted Christmas dinner for my parents and Barbra and Curtis. I made table decorations out of mason jars, left over Christmas greenery and cranberries I meant to bake into bread, but never did. We had a fun time and Ben learned his grandparents' names. He still calls my mom "Mama". But he calls my dad "Baba Jack" and Barbra "Nee Nee Ba Ba". She's lucky. I did burn the ham because I put it in the crock pot with 12 hours to cook instead of eight (math at midnight is always dangerous for me), but Chuck's perfectly fried turkey made up for it.

Chuck gave me new dishes for
Christmas.

Yes, I made this. It only
took five minutes and
Ben even helped.

We also enjoyed tiny aprons at my mom's and dogs in dresses at the Enderle's.

Mom gave Ben a grill so naturally he
needed an apron to go with it
and obviously it should match Daddy's.

Lexi in her Christmas best.

2010 was truly a blessed Christmas season. I hope it was for you as well.

It's a Girl

2010-12-20T13:19:00.000-08:00

Apparently my dreams are still the crazy ramblings of my subconscious and have no prophetic power at all, because we are having a GIRL!

When the technician told us I was thrilled and Chuck looked like he was going to throw up. I'm excited that our house will be nice and even with three and three. I already feel a little out-numbered when Chuck and Ben are in their Chiefs gear, watching football all day Sunday.

So, here's to a little girl. I can't wait to meet her.

It's a... Boy?

2010-12-20T07:50:00.000-08:00

One of the best parts of pregnancy is the crazy dreams. Some of my friends have had prophetic dreams telling them that they were going to have a boy or girl.

I never have those dreams. My dreams include giving birth to an 80-pound baby and buying a special wagon to transport the giant. Sometimes I'm fighting guerrillas in South America. Sometimes I'm performing with Shamu at Sea World - it's all usually very adventurous.

But last night, my dreams took a different turn. I dreamt that Ben told me, "It's a boy, Mama." I asked how he knew but he offered no more explanation. Then, our whole family went to the sonogram appointment, but we forgot to ask if the baby's gender. So I called and the technician said, "I can't give out that information over the phone, but expect more of the same." I tried to clarify, "You mean we're having another boy?" But the technician only said, "I can neither confirm nor deny."

As with most dreams, it seemed to make more sense right when I woke up. I was sure this dream was telling me that we are having a boy, but now that I write it out, it seems like this dream matches the usual crazy ramblings of my subconscious. Did I mention that a significant portion of this dream was spent looking for tiny magic shoes? Does the fact that they were Keds make it worse?

The jury is split on this decision. Many people - including my MIL, father and one emphatic friend - think this baby is a girl. Also, MS's psychic rock thinks the baby is girl. However, the hillbilly pencil test and Chuck think the baby is a boy.

Well, 1:30 can't come soon enough today. We'll know soon and then the name fighting can commence.

Yickety Yack Don't Talk Back

2010-12-16T22:24:00.000-08:00

Ben spent the afternoon telling me how much he hates certain things, particularly things I really love.

Please don't be fooled, he's still a boy of few words. He's just getting better - much better - at getting his point across. And when he doesn't like something, he makes this noise in his throat that is somewhere between the word "ick" and a hiss. It actually sounds like someone hacking up a cold byproduct. We're not really sure where he picked up this habit, but I blame my mother. Although, she likes to reserve this lower form of communication for food.

Ben used to keep this "word" in his pocket too, but he unleashed it with full force today. While I was making breakfast, he brought me the case for A Muppet Christmas Carol, pointed emphatically and said, "Ick," like a hundred times.

What?! That's arguably the best Christmas movie ever! The Muppets meet Charles Dickens meet the best musical score I've ever heard! How can you possibly hate it?! So, I asked him and he looked me in the eye and said, "Ick."

First, please reserve your back talk, for a time when there is actual talking involved. Second, I don't care if you do hate it - I'll just watch it when you're in bed and your judgey father is out of town (like I do every year).

He also told me he hated a CD of instrumental Christmas music (which is beautiful and super calming by the way) and his cup of apple juice... which I later found in the trash.

He is truly his father's son and even now they love many of the same things: meat, grunting rather than talking, and the Chiefs. That's right, Ben loves the Chiefs and he proved it today when a friend dropped off some Chiefs apparel her son outgrew. Ben pointed at that arrowhead logo and said, "Cool Chiefs!" Actually, it sounded more like, "Coo Sheesh," but the sentiment was clear.

Fine, the two of you can have each other and you're welcome to make fun of the things that I love all you want. It's only fair, I remember mercilessly making fun of my mother for watching this awful, black-and-white version of A Christmas Carol. I'm pretty sure it followed the book word-for-word and that's why my mom loved it so much. But to me, it was torture.

So Benjamin, here is a list of my favorite Christmas movies. Please feel free to hate them and tease me relentlessly. It's your God-given right as a child to think your mom is lame.

5. White Christmas - I love Danny Kaye and can sing every word of every song. So what.
4. Elf - Will Farrell in green tights. I don't think there is anything else to say.
3. A Charlie Brown Christmas - Linus' monologue made me love him even more and someday, my blanket-toting son, will love this movie too.
2. It's a Wonderful Life - This movie always fills me with so much hope. It's great to remember how valuable we all are.
1. A Christmas Story - "Randy laid there like a slug. It was his only defense."

And the very best Christmas movie of all time - A Muppet Christmas Carol. I really don't know how anyone can resist this movie's charm. Check out my favorite song from this movie.

Unto Us a Son is Given

2010-12-14T19:21:00.000-08:00

I got Ben a Little People nativity set to play with during the Christmas season and so far it's been a whole lot of fun.

First, we are a little confused about the contents of the set. It's seems as though one character can double as both Joseph and a shepherd. He was standing in the stable by baby Jesus, but he's also holding a shepherd's staff. Chuck keeps saying really helpful things, "Where the heck is Joseph? You'd think he wouldn't miss something like this."

Second, Ben really likes to play with this set and one of his favorite things to do is put another character on top of the stable where the angel is supposed to be. So far his favorite choices are one of the wise men and the cow.

This tempts me to say things like, "But the cow said unto them, 'Fear not, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.'"

Third, Gary likes to get into the action further leading us to rewrite the Christmas story. Here's an example. "And this is the way you shall find the babe, he is wrapped in swaddling clothes, and is lying in a manger. And it came to pass a great and terrible beast came upon the land. And the beast destroyed all that was in his path. And all the people were sore afraid. And they called the beast Catzilla.'"

Lastly, this toy allows me to ask this question every single day, "Ben, where is baby Jesus? Benjamin, look at me, show me where you put Baby Jesus." He's usually tucked safely under Ben's blanket (which he now calls Buddy) or sometimes he's less fortunate and laying face down under the couch or Christmas tree.

In any case, this toy has been a whole lot of fun for our imaginations over the last few days. And we wish you a joyfilled holiday season too.

With a Thankful Heart

2010-11-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

I love Thanksgiving. I love spending the day with family (I like mine so that's helpful). I love walking into a house and smelling pumpkin pie. And I especially love counting my blessings.

Every year I make a private list of why I'm thankful and this year I'd like to share it.

1. I'm thankful for my husband. Chuck is a hardworking man, who makes me laugh every single day. It's honestly like being married to a cartoon. Here's what I mean. He said he was going to stop by the grocery store so I asked him if he minded picking up the onions I forgot. He said, "Vidalia?"

What? How many types of onions can you name? Oh, just the one? Why would you think I needed a vidalia onion? No, I need the crispy French's onions for green bean casserole. "Oooohhhh. I like those!" So, a big thank you to Chuck for being both funny and thoughtful. Not only did you pick up the onions, but you made me laugh doing it.

2. I'm thankful that I get to stay home with Bean. And no "Bean" is not a typo. Ben has learned how to say his name and luckily for everyone within earshot, he pronounces Ben as Bean. Mostly he likes to say, "Here Bean." Loosely translated that means, "Give that to me."

Feel free to call him Bean - we do. Also, feel free to embellish on this nickname. When he makes me chase him, I like to say, "Get over here you little Kidney Bean." Or if he's fussy, I like to say, "Oh, lo siento Senior Pinto Bean - I'm so sorry you lost your binky." Really the possibilities are endless.

However, of all the beans I love, I love Ben the most. It's fun to watch him learn and play. It's nice to be the one to kiss the tears. I feel like I'm a better mother being with him all the time and I truly cherish this time.

3. I'm thankful that the peace of Jesus passes understanding. Ben's health has been a challenge this year. I never imagined that I would have child diagnosed as Failure to Thrive. Sometimes I'm scared, sometimes I'm exhausted. Sometimes I'm even jealous of other families who seem to have it so easy. Even though we are still without definitive answers, I always feel as though the Lord is leading me and holding our family.

So, with a full heart, I lift my voice in thanksgiving.

Praise the Lord of hosts; for the Lord is good; for his mercy endureth for ever. ~ Jeremiah 33:11

Birthday Party Fun

2010-10-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

Ben's second birthday came and went and I think it was a success. In the words of my 7-year-old niece, "You know, that was the best birthday party I've been to in a long time." This means a lot coming from Chaise as she's like the Paris Hilton of grade school birthday parties.

Here are the Top 10 reasons why the party was fun:

10. Moon bounce: The Bouchers let us borrow their bouncy house and it was super fun. The kids loved it and the adults tripped over it.

9. Presents. Ben got a lot of very thoughtful gifts including an autographed poster of the Chiefs cheerleaders and an awesome Indiana Jones hat.

8. We finished a few projects around the house that needed finishing and the party deadline finally made that happen. We cleaned windows, touched up paint, nail pops and drywall scratches. And the big one, we finally installed a door on the prison shower downstairs. The basement has been finished for two years and it just now has a working shower. Hooray!

7. Family came from out of town. Chuck's mom, aunt, cousins and their kids came from Derby, KS to party with us and it was F-U-N to see them! Thanks for making the drive! We love you guys!

6. Dance party! I feel like this needs no more explanation.

5. Chuck's super family-friendly apron. Chuck was working the grill and thought he needed an apron to protect his Bob Seger t-shirt. Glad he picked this one.

4. Pinata Fun. The pinata was the gift that just kept giving. First, Cole ripped it open like the Hulk. Second, the little girls collected all of the pinata treasures (noise-making party favors) and "sold" them back to the little boys. What great entrepreneurs in the making!

3. Trike races. The kids rode trikes and various other wheeled toys down our hill and there was only one casualty. I believe Cole has fully recovered from his first injury to what my mother calls "the family jewels".

2. Kickball. This was probably the best part of the night. Chuck's cousins are kids at a heart and when they get together they like to play really competitive games of wiffle ball, sword fighting and that night, kickball. They are also generous enough to let the little kids play too, but don't worry they don't go easy on them. Many of that night's outs came from fathers and uncles bouncing balls off of kids heads and backs. Then they yelled at them if they didn't leave the base immediately. Andrew's unique style of base running (not necessarily going in order) probably saved him a head injury. My mom thought the older boys were too rough, but I think the kids were fine. No one cried and all of them had moms and grandmas in the audience. They could have sought refuge with those very sympathetic ears.

1. Kazoo Concert. This was incredible. Jason started it, but ended up including almost everyone. He played a stirring rendition of Amazing Grace, got Chuck to do some duets with him including Summer Lovin' and ended up playing everything from Party in the USA to America the Beautiful. It was very patriotic. See if you can name this tune.

The party was not without hitches though. First, I was really confused when I made the guest list and forgot to invite several very important people: Chuck's Grandpa Kaup, Aunt Diana, Uncle Mark, and a very special Bearcat sister. If you're reading this, I'm sorry.

Second, we ran out of propane halfway through the hot dogs. But overall it was a great party and I'm sure marked the beginning of a great year.

Happy Birthday, Ben. We love you so much!

Welcome Back to Blogging

2010-10-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

I have been MIA for several months. I have no excuses, just overwhelmed with my daily responsibilities, but making a promise to get back to blogging. I love writing and I especially love writing about my cartoonish family.

So, here's a quick update:
1. I retired from marketing to be a full-time mom/trophy wife.
2. We found out Ben has several food allergies and intolerances and have totally changed our diets/whole lives.

So how is it going? I'd say marginal. My house is not nearly as clean as I imagined it. There is one line from NBC's Parks and Recreation that sums this situation up. Amy Poehler is explaining to a city forum that because of budget cuts, they will have to close all the parks next year. One women stands up and says, "What am I supposed to do with my children? Do you expect me to keep them in my house?!"

That says is all. Am I really expected to keep my son in my house? That scenario is bad for everyone, but especially the house.

Ben is also learning a lot lately. He says an average of two new words a day. This morning he said "Brandy" and that was really cute. Last night he said something that wasn't so cute.

We went to Sibley Orchards to pick out some pumpkins with the Sylers (our neighbors), and after four pumpkins, some apple butter and the very best cherry cider I've ever tasted we decided to go to Los Compos, a local Mexican joint, for dinner.

Garret is telling us how he's going to take Austin fishing for the first time on Friday and Austin is telling us about his new Spongebob fishing pole. So I asked Ben, "Benny, do you want to go fishing next year?"

And he shouted, "Oh yeah!" Except he didn't say, "Oh." It was truly a Christmas Story experience. My sweet little boy said the queen mother of all bad words and basically said it perfectly.

I was stunned. I asked, "Benny, what did you say?" And Stacie chimed in, "I think we all know what he said." Thanks Stace.

I was mortified. At least two tables were looking at us. How can a child who basically uses the same nonsensical sounds to say both "pumpkin" and "outside" pull this off and where did he hear it? Especially in this context. It's not like Chuck and I are walking around like we live in a frat house.

Chuck: "What's for dinner?"
Me: "Meatloaf."
Chuck: "Oh yeah!"

That kind of excitement never happens. And it we were that excited for some reason, it would never involve the F-word.

I hope this word disappears into a confused memory. I really don't want my son to be the kid that teaches other kids how to curse a pre-school.

Truth in Advertising

2010-03-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Bank of America,

Your current online ads are terrifying and I respectfully request that you cease broadcasting them immediately. I'm sure you know I'm referring to the "You're Expecting... Twins" campaign for the Automated Savings Program. Scare tactics are rarely effective and often offensive and this campaign is no exception. Please stop torturing me, and countless other women, with your intrusive advertising.

Sincerely,
Angry about Ads

I'm sure it's my own fault for searching baby clothes online or worse, baby names. I love looking up name meanings and don't want to give up the hobby just because these stinkin' ads haunt me. Stupid psychographics!

This morning, I logged onto BOA online, when the infamous ad started rolling. It said, "You're Expecting."

And I thought, "I am?"

BOA: "... Twins"

Me: "What?! And how does Bank of America know that?"

Then I realized, Bank of America couldn't possibly know that and began feverishly counting up days. Whew. Safe.

BOA: "Save for the unexpected with our Automated Savings Program. Blah. Blah. Blah."

Why would Bank of America, my trusty online banking center that's always open and never lets me down, torment me like this?! Why would they resort to such sneaky scare tactics that form lumps in my throat, instead of inspire me to open an automated savings account?

Although, I do want to add to our family, it's a big decision and I'm not sure I'm ready. So, until I'm ready, please be nice BOA and knock off the scary, seemingly prophetic advertising.

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Girl?

2010-03-10T10:09:00.000-08:00

Ben has developed a new phobia… girls. He’s especially fearful of baby girls who are trying to touch him.

Every morning when I drop him off, Evie sings, “Beh-en,” and tries to hug him. Ben responds by looking panicked and backing away slowly. Alternate means of defense include clutching his blanket and crying.

At first, I thought maybe he just isn’t into hugging right now, but I threw out that theory Sunday, when he acted similarly fearful of little Emma. Emma is 13 months old and enamored with hair. She toddled over to Ben and ran her hands through his luscious locks. Again, he looked panicked, cried and this time ran away.

Seriously, what’s so scary about these lovely ladies? They’re beautiful, sweet little girls. This phobia is especially funny because, Ben is a pretty brave kid. He climbs on and off furniture that’s taller than him, he slides down big-kid slides with delight, runs straight up to almost any dog, but these gentle little girls, with their sweet smiles and sing-song voices, seem strike true terror in his heart.

Last night one of Chuck’s friends from high school joined us for dinner and I told him about Ben’s girl-phobia. He laughed and said, “Well, I remember his dad being that way too.”

I’ve heard many stories about Chuck’s lack of girlfriends. Chas, Chuck's sister, to this day tells me, “I thought Chuckie was gay. He never had any girlfriends.”

She even made this comment on our wedding day. I thought, “That’s kind of weird, I was expecting, ‘Congratulations’ or ‘Welcome to the family’ but okay we’re going with… relief?”

I’m sure Ben will grow out of his fear of girls, probably before I’m ready for him to. And I’m equally sure he’ll be fearless when it comes to snakes and other creepy crawlies that terrify me.

I can imagine him stuffing frogs in his pockets – or worse my pockets – and wondering how cheerful little girls are so scary, but icky frogs are so intriguing.

Homemade Spices and Such

2010-03-09T11:13:00.000-08:00

I've recently came across a new homemade spice recipe that I'd like to share. It's simply called "Chicken Seasoning". It's from The Grocery Shrink blog and part of a delicious tuna noodle casserole recipe.

Chicken Seasoning:
3 Tbsp onion powder
3 Tbsp salt
1.5 Tbsp basil
1 Tbsp garlic powder
1 tsp oregano

Mix well and it makes a tastey seasoning salt for chicken, veggies or fish.

This find reminded me of my Papa John's "Magic Cajun Seasoning". Long before Emeril created his Essence, my grandfather created this combination. This is great on steak, brisket, porkloin, or even chicken. Compare it to Lawerys, but with more kick... and better... and less expensive.

Magic Cajun Seasoning:
1/3 cup salt
1/4 cup garlic powder
1/4 cup ground black pepper
1/3 cup paprika
3 Tbsp onion powder
2 Tbsp thyme
2 Tbsp oregano

Warning: It makes a bunch, because everything Papa John did was big. That was part of his charm and probably why we miss him so much. He was larger-than-life and left a big hole. Thankfully, he shared his recipes with me, some of them handed down from great-grandparents in Sicily, and I can keep a little piece of him and my heritage.

Just to have a reason to mix these spices up, here's a recipe that can use one or both.

Roticerie Chicken in the Crockpot::
1 whole chicken
3-4 Tbsp of Chicken Seasoning or Magic Cajun Seasoning (or both)
1 onion
2-3 cloves of garlic
Aluminum foil

Wash and pat the chicken dry inside and out. Cut onion into quarters and garlic cloves in half and stuff the chicken. Sprinkle generous helpings of your preferred seasoning (or both) to coat the chicken.

Role aluminum foil into approximately six golfball-sized balls and place in the bottom of the crock pot. Place chick on top of foil balls breast up and cook on low for eight hours. The chicken will come out fall-off-the-bone-tender and the skin will be brown and crispy, like it was roticerie roasted.

I'm currently looking for something reusable to replace the foil, like ceramic ramikins or a small muffin pan. Let me know if you find something that works.

This is a budget-friendly meal as you can usually find whole chickens for $0.79 - $1.59/lb. every day at any grocery store. If you have a smaller family, debone the chicken and freeze some of it for enchiladas or quesidillas.

Let's work on Language Development

2010-02-18T20:14:00.000-08:00

Parents as Teachers visited yesterday and pretty much told us what we already knew: Ben is a baby of few words.

PAT is a free program through local public school districts that makes home visits and evaluates children from birth to three years old. They check off reached milestones and suggest learning games and activities to get kids and families started on the right track. I always appreciate the suggestions and highly recommend the program.

There are four areas of evaluation: Motor, Intellectual, Social and Language and for kids 14-24 months Ben is doing great in every area... except language. His motor skills are on par with most two-year-olds. He shows great patients and intellect in problem solving, but he's still a baby of few words.

He currently says, "duh." for both dad and dog - and we should all admit it's a little ironic that he interchanges the same word for Chuck and Brandy. He says, "key," for kitty and that's about it for real words. He also says, "goya goya" and "githem" and "booya booya booya booya booya booya ish".

Most kids his age have a vocabulary of 20 or more words. Take Evie, she commentates on everything Ben does and she's six weeks younger. He was pointing to her eye - ok, trying to poke her eye - and she sat there patiently saying, "Eye. Eye. Eye." As Ben slides down the stairs at lightning speed, she says, "Wow." this is especially funny because she uses a mom voice drawing out her vowels like she's really proud of him.

Despite Ben's short list of words, I'm not concerned. Ben seems to understand what's going on around him and he consistently signs "please." He even sweeps his hand across his chest when Brandy comes between him and a favorite toy. He sits down when I ask him to and he runs away when I say, "It's time to change your diaper."

I'm sure he's learning and knows more than I recognize. It's probably just a matter of time before he's asking me 400 questions a day and I'm longing for these days of sweet silence - or semi-silence. Until then, we'll keep practicing. Where's Duh?

Let the Games Begin

2010-02-13T20:16:00.000-08:00

The Olympics are always exciting. It's fun to think that the entire world is participating in the same event and it's amazing to see what these athletes are capable of.

This morning Chuck lamented that the games will be broadcast during CST. At some point, I'm sure I'll learn to stop asking why, but I just haven't learned this lesson yet. I'm like a dog that keeps running into the invisible fence - buzz.

He proceeded to tell me that he couldn't pretend to be an Olympic expert and reminded me of one of our first fights. It seems fitting to remember giant fights the day before Valentines Day, so here we go.

The summer games were in full swing back in 2004 and Athens was playing host to the event. This is significant, because that meant events took place approximately 20 hours before they were broadcast in good ol' Independence.

Chuck had spent the previous week reading Olympic results before he watched the broadcast with me. He'd then make predictions, or spout off lesser-known rules of swimming guidelines saying things like, "I think that was an illegal turn. He's going to be disqualified."

Sure enough, all of his predications came to pass. I thought he was an Olympic genius. We had barely been dating a year and I was young and foolishly in love, hence my hanging on his every word.

We were having dinner with friends and I was really talking him up. "Chuck is so smart. He knew the favorite was going to be disqualified."

They played along for a while, "Really?"

"Oh yeah, he's guessed almost every single event correctly. I can't believe he knows so much about the Olympics!"

Snickering.

"What's going on?"

Someone finally let me in on the secret and I was hot. "You're not a Olympic genius, you're a lying genius!" Five and half years later I find his deception more amusing. Yes, I'm an easy target. I have this bad habit of believing what people tell me.

Luckily, there's no need to worry this time, because the games are broadcast in Central Standard Time. Three cheers for the Olympics and three cheers for truth.

We watched the Opening Ceremony last night and it was amazing. The music, dancing, and special effects were all incredible. Although, one oddity stood out. There were two pregnant women in the greeting line of native people.

There were probably 100 or more people dressed in white sweaters and skirts or pants - depending on their gender - who lined a path for the athletes to enter the center. They danced around and at least two of them were pregnant. These two just happened to be in the background of the close up camera shots on athletes entering. So, you're looking at Shaun White and the top right section of the screen is a bouncing baby bump. Check out NBC's Olympics site to see the dancers. (I couldn't find a close up of the knocked up dancers.)

I kept seeing pregnant bellies dancing around and it was very distracting. "How many medals has that person won? I couldn't concentrate because of that giant dancing pregnant belly."

Did anyone else see it, and does anyone else think that's weird? I remember being pregnant and I couldn't have danced like that for an hour at seven months. I would have passed out or gone into labor - both are disruptive.

On a more serious note, we send our heartfelt condolences to Nodar Kumaritashvili's family and teammates. We are truly heartbroken for their loss.

Sar-ah-Thon 2010

2010-02-10T21:30:00.000-08:00

Today is SG's actual b-day, but true to tradition, she's been celebrating since Saturday. She's received some amazing gifts including a hot air balloon ride and custom earrings. You can read about all of the festivities here.

I joined her at el Patron and Ernie Biggs Saturday night and have only a few specific comments about the evening. (This party has been covered extensively already.)

Ernie Biggs: The piano bar was fun and they played eight of my 10 song requests including the birthday girl's top two picks: Summer of 69 and Lady Humps (sometimes referred to as My Humps), but the pianists were better musicians than singers. Ok I'll say it, they were shouting and off key, which was both distracting and freeing. I didn't feel quite as offensive with my own out-of-tune voice seeing as everyone was off.

The Cake: This is the second year SG requested a birthday cake from the woman who made her wedding cake. It's strawberry with a super-secret almond icing and heavenly. Until next year, Cake.

Truth Serum: SG took a little heat for this and AA covered all of the details on her blog. It suffices to say that SG, out of love and probably margaritas, gave everyone a healthy dose of honesty. She handed out advice on everything from health to relationships and you know, she was pretty much right on the money.

I like "Honest SG", as I now call her. And I hope I don't have to wait another year to get these little truth treasures. So SG, if you're reading, keep up the good work, you've got a knack.

Monkey See Monkey Do

2010-02-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

Kids are notorious for proving their parents wrong. If you say, "Oh, he never eats that," be prepared to eat your words.

Ben proved me wrong twice this weekend. He spent Saturday night with Aunt D and Uncle J and his cousins, CJ (3) and NW (17 months) and Sunday we went over as a family to watch the Superbowl.

Saturday night I told D to have Ben do everything her boys did: dinner, bath, milk, bed. She specifically asked, "Can he take a bath with the boys?" And I specifically answered, "Oh yeah, he loves bathes."

And he does. This kid loves water and wails any time you try to remove him from water of any source: the bath, pool, hose, dog bowl, toilet, anything.

Well, that night Ben didn't love the bath. In fact, he hated it. I was told he stood the entire time angrily and urgently signing 'please' and then lifting his hands as if to say, "Please pick me up NOW!"

Sunday night, NW asked for a banana and D gave him one while she informed me that the only way he'll eat bananas is if he can hold it himself. The next thing I know, NW is happily sitting on D's hip holding and eating a banana. He looked like a baby monkey.

Ben was happily sitting on my hip watching NW eat his banana. As I said, "Ben hates bananas no matter how I serve them," Ben pointed one little finger at the bunch and signed 'please'. I tried to remind him that he hates bananas, but D said, "Let him try it."

So I did. And he loved it. And there we were, with our baby monkeys on our hips eating their bananas.

I found Ben's habit of proving me wrong irritating at first, but now I think I can use it to my advantage. Just like everyone else, Ben is motivated by his peers and this is my new key to encouraging good behavior.

We have not completely transitioned from a bottle to a cup. Ben drinks water and juice from a sippy cup, regular cup and a cup with a straw just fine, but when it comes to his milk, it can only be a bottle. I'm going to arrange bedtime with his older cousins again. We're going to make a big deal about how everyone gets milk in a cup and hopefully he'll drink it.

It seems strange to think that someday I'll be advocting against peer pressure, but right now, I'm using it.

Just Smile

2010-02-06T10:46:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been writing about my poor parenting skills. And while usually my skills are somewhat lacking, I've got a good piece of parenting advice today. It isn't mine. Michelle Duggar, matriarch of 19 Kids and Counting, gives this advice often. Are you ready, because it's revolutionary?

Smile at your children.

I'm guessing people who don't have children are saying, "duh." But seriously, sometimes you have to remind yourself to smile and it really makes a difference.

Ben is 15 months old and the littlest things break his heart. If I tell him bathtime is over he bursts into tears. If Grammy gathers her coat to leave, he gets fussy. Sometimes I look at him and wonder how he survives so many mini crisis every single day.

Luckily, a smile and hug go a long way to mend these wounds. So remember, smile at your children.

Fashion vs Function

2010-02-05T09:40:00.001-08:00

I'm always a tiny bit envious of those moms whose children always look so put together. Their daughters' ponytails are perfect and their sons' sleeves are jam-free.

Ben never looks that put together. He always has bed-head by the end of the day there's definitely food on his clothes.

For a while I blamed him, but now I realize this is my fault. I found this picture yesterday while I was looking for photos of Sharkey. I remember this day. We were totally out of clean clothes and hadn't purchased a fall jacket yet. So Ben ended up wearing this lovely outfit.

Yes, he's is wearing horizontally striped pants, smurf-blue socks, and a fleece dog jacket complete with a bone for a zipper. And yes, I dressed him. Although, when our babysitter mentioned his outfit, I told her Chuck picked it out and we both had a good laugh.

Just like anything else, looking neat and tidy takes planning, specifically planning to do the laundry. In this case, I failed to do that. It also takes planning to purchase the appropriate outerwear for the season. I also failed to do this.

So, as I was riffling though his drawers and weighing our options - the pants you see or swim trunks - I was faced with the choice: Do I let my son look good and be cold, or be warm and look bad? I chose warmth over fashion... and opted to photograph his misfortune.

Goodbye Sharkey

2010-02-04T08:33:00.001-08:00

Sharkey's been gone for about six weeks and he's officially settled in to his new home. Since there's no chance of him ever coming back, I thought it only appropriate to give him proper goodbye.

I took Sharkey up to FVH to declaw his back feet. When I dropped him off, one of the vet techs said, "So the front claws weren't enough?"

No, the front claws weren't enough. This crazy kitty climbs the walls - literally. He also eats Ben's food and bites my neck. He jumps in the full bathtub and tears through the house soaking wet. He chews the tops off of pacifiers and bottle nipples earning him the nickname: Pacifier Assassin. He's also helps himself to our dinner waiting on the table. More than once I've seen his little face whisker-deep in mashed potatoes.

He's a crazy cat! We could pull all his teeth and it wouldn't be enough!

I asked my parents if Sharkey could stay at FVH for a few days while he recovered so I didn't have to deal with keeping him quiet and the special litterbox instructions and of course they said yes.

Then I did the unthinkable, something I've always hated, something I've called inexcusable. I dumped my cat at the animal hospital.

People do this more often than you'd think. They drop off Sadie for a spay and say, "We'll pick her up tomorrow." The next thing you know it's been a week and their phone's disconnected.

I have no room in my heart for irresponsible pet owners and honestly, I never set out to dump Sharkey. It just happened. It had been four days and my mom said, "Everyone up at work loves your little cat. He keeps us in stitches all day."

"What cat? Oh yeah, Sharkey. Funny, I didn't even miss him."

My mom said, "Everybody wants to take him home - Teresa, Holly, everyone."

Then I said it, "They can have him." And just like that, I'd dumped a pet. I decided I was never going to pick that cat up and I didn't. I didn't even go tell him goodbye.

Now, he lives with Teresa and his new name is Archie. She says he's a great cat and that her other cat and dog love him. He sleeps with her every night and even won over her husband. Well, good for Sharkey, er... Archie. By the way, he likes mashed potatoes and dry Cheerios.

Six More Weeks of Winter

2010-02-03T09:13:00.000-08:00

Well ol' Phil saw his shadow yesterday and that means six more weeks of winter. I can hear SG saying now, "Jerk groundhog."

I was disappointed the thought of six more frigid weeks, so I made a list of six fun wintry things to do. These are the things I long for by the time the thermometer reaches 101 in August.

1. Enjoy some Hot Chocolate. I love hot chocolate and wish I could drink it year round. Land o Lakes makes delicious flavored hot chocolate that you can buy in single-serving packages. Try raspberry, mint or carmel. Yum!

2. Go to a Movie. I loved going to movies during the summer when I was younger. It was always so cold in the theatre and it felt so good after being so hot. But the reverse is true in the winter. Wear a scarf, sneak in some hot chocolate and enjoy a flick.

3. Take in a Hockey Game. Independence opened a new events center last November and it's home to the Missouri Mavericks, a minor league hockey team that's major league fun. The games are exciting and the sound track is awesome (think Guns 'n Roses and Miley Cyrus). Get their schedule and tickets here.

4. Splurge on Comfort Food. Comfort foods are so delicious and taste best when it's cold outside. Fix some chili, roast with potatoes and carrots, or creamy broccoli soup and remember that this is the best time of year to enjoy these tasty meals. Here's Rachael Ray's latest take on chili - Barbecued Chili.

5. Cuddle up by the Fire. Make a date with your love, grab a new CD (or an old favorite) and a blanket, flip on the fire (assuming it's gas - this may involve building a real fire) and cuddle up. I know this sounds corny, but it's a nice escape from the routine and a great way to reconnect.

It's fun to listen to old music and think about life when that song was on the radio. Maybe you were in college, moving to a new city, or just falling in love. And it's fun to discover new music and daydream about what you want to do next. I'm always surprised by what Chuck says when we do this. I've heard really productive things like build shelves for our garage and I've heard what I'll call "other" like start a band. No matter what, it's fun to see what they're thinking and dream a little.

6. Get Outside. Seriously, it was 50 degrees yesterday. Bundle up, collect anyone you'd like to accompany you. I suggest the baby, dog, cat, husband, or neighbor (even the neighbor's baby) and go on a walk. The cool air and sunshine will feel great!

Farewell to Arti Gras

2010-02-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Arti's birthday Saturday night in style and apparently this was the last of one of our favorite annual events - Arti Gras.

Every year, Arti celebrates her birthday in a show-stopping style so incredible, it feels like everyone's birthday. To read the complete history of Arti Gras, click here.

And this year's event was truly amazing. It included dinner (I don't know how good that was because I forgot to go. We had Sonic in the car on the way), dancing at Angels Rock Bar, out-of-town guests flying in from NYC for one night for fun, apparently there was a fight over a coat and they may or may not have ended up on COPS. Basically, in the words of Barney Stinson, "It was Legendary."

Here are my Top Five Favorite Moments from Arti Gras - The Finale:

1. Spilling the Beans: I had joined the party late and hadn't been there five minutes when I managed to tell the birthday girl her husband's gift before he'd given it to her. Arti was listing all of her fantastic gifts including: giant chewy nerds, a fleece blanket with kittens on it, and iTunes gift cards when she said, "What did Sudhir get me?" I offered my help and answered, "He got you that iPod cover." She looked excited and guilty at the same time and said, "He hasn't given it to me yet." Apparently he wanted her to have a gift to open on her actual b-day. Oops. She swore she'd look surprised.

2. Sid Singing: Angels Rock Bar is Sid's kind of place and he knew the words to every song. Sometimes he even wrote his own lyrics. I've been singing, "I can only count to four. I can only count to four..." for days now. Sorry Drowning Pool, I like his lyrics better.

3. Meeting Arti and Sid's Cousins: They were super fun. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"I love coming to Kansas City because I get hit on so much more than in NY."

"Have you been talking to Arti? How did you know all that? Isn't

this a good cowboy shirt?"

I realize we need a more explanation, but nothing further will be given to protect the innocent.

4. A Homewrecker Trying to Steal My Man: A cute, although wasted, girl set her blurry sights on Chuck. She put her arm around him, told him she was a nurse, and invited him to do a shot with her. She also climbed over other guys to talk to him more than once.

I think Chuck was flattered by the attention. He said, "She was pretty cute, but she cursed like a sailor." You can always count on Chuck for an honest evaluation.

5. My Friends Fight the Homewrecker: Ok, there wasn't an actual fight. And honestly, seeing a girl so obviously interested in Chuck was kind of an adventure. We're old, married and have a baby. Neither of us have been a stranger's subject of interest for a long time.

But there was a situation and my marriage was on the line. I was going to have to fight for my man. As I was sizing up my competition, trying to decide if I could win this fight - ok, I was daydreaming about how sweet it would be if I actually could fight someone - when my friends took matters into their own hands.

SG marched forward and flat out pushed the homewrecker out of the way so she could sit next to Chuck. Then, Kate climbed over her and essentially sat on her lap slowly edging her out of the booth. And just to make sure she was properly handled, Cec

talked to her for about an hour, discussing the finer points of "how big is too big" when it comes to breast augmentation.

I know it was Arti's party, but I really feel like I got the best gift. I have awesome friends and I'm glad they'll ruff a girl up on my behalf. Thanks ladies!

Confessions of a Bad Parent

2010-01-27T19:18:00.000-08:00

Chuck's been gone for two weeks. We had a great time visiting him in the City of Angels last weekend (I'll cover vacation highlights later) but I've basically been a single parent for the past two weeks and we're all suffering. Trying to juggle the meals, bills, licensing the car, Ben, bath time, and working is too much for me.

So, here are two recent (read daily) shortfalls. Confession is good for the soul, right?

1. Jacking Benny's Tunes: Ben falls asleep to Baby Einstein's classical lullabies every night. He loves his tunes and even makes the same noises during certain songs (my mom swears he sings along to Ave Maria). We have two CDs, but I left one in California and one at Evie's house. So, I was trying to find his 18 songs in an iTunes list containing literally thousands of songs. I could find the first song, but the library was set on shuffle. As soon as the last melodic notes of "Piano Sonata No. 7" faded away, Busta Rhyme's "Gimme Some More" scared both of us. Hearing Busta shout, "Yeah," was definitely not what we were expecting. Thankfully, SG set me straight on how to manage iTunes and we were in business.

2. Letting Ben Play on the Stove: By the time it's bedtime, our household is starting to unravel. Ben is fussy, dishes are stacked in the sink, food stuck to the table (and elsewhere) and for some reason, Ben insists on being held while I heat up his pre-bedtime milk. If I put him on the floor, he rolls around crying. Holding him is inconvenient so I usually put him on the stove. He scoots around up there, sets the oven to "Clean" mode and stacks my spices in candle holders, stores his pacifier in the tea pot. He loves it and I get 45 seconds to make a bottle. I think we can all agree that the oven is not an appropriate toy for a 15-month-old, but at that time of day, all of the appropriate toys are old news.

I have a myriad of other shortcomings that involve letting Ben eat chips or a cinnamon roll so I can finish dinner. I also let him play on the washer when I'm folding clothes and the vanity when I'm getting ready. For variety, sometimes I put him Chuck's dirty clothes hamper for folding and the hot tub for getting ready. Usually Gary joins him and they look like they're having the adventure of their lives so I only feel a little guilty basically locking my baby up so I can put on some mascara or find clean underwear.

My mom always says, "I know I ruined you kids," and I think about these things and wonder how I'm currently ruining Ben. I can imagine him solemnly telling his therapist, "No, I didn't have any toys as a child; my mother used to put me in a basket of dirty clothes to play." Or worse, "My mother made me listen to Busta Rhymes."

Vacation Smation

2010-01-22T15:49:00.000-08:00

Chuck and I have amazingly bad luck when it comes to vacations. We're fine if we go with friends or family, but any time we've ever booked a trip for just the two of us (or now with Ben) the world is against us...usually in the form of the weather.

Here's a look back at some of our thwarted plans:

1. September 2004: First trip together to Nashville, Tennessee. I broke my foot just two days before we left. Actually Chuck broke it in what he calls "a legal bump and run" move. We were playing catch at a party and he pushed me...ok, he bumped into me and I lost my balance. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the four inch stilettos I was wearing. We still went on the trip and he wheeled me around Music City in rent-a-wheelchairs.

2. December 2005: Our honeymoon. We had booked a beautiful resort in Cancun, Mexico and it was going to be the first time either of us left the continental United States. In comes hurricane Wilma and half of our resort was flooded. The beaches were closed and most of the city was concrete rubble. We did enjoy Chichen Itza, though.

3. August 2008: Last trip before Ben's birth. We booked a trip to New Smyrna Beach, Florida hoping to enjoy a little time together before we were a family of three. A tropical storm, I can't remember the name, wrecked only New Smyrna. The highway running into the town was actually closed. I called the hotel and they said, "Don't come, we're trying to leave."

4. January 2010: Quick trip to LA while Chuck was in Insurance School. Southern California was struck with massive thunderstorm, flooding and mudslides. To heck with it, we came anyway and so far are having a great time.

We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

The Secrets We Keep

2010-01-21T08:01:00.000-08:00

Last night, a dear friend wouldn't share her husband's most embarrassing moment with us (her girlfriends) and her loyalty reminded me that a little discretion can go a long way. I believe secrets have their place and can make marriage and life a lot smoother.

Last Saturday, my dad took all of his employees (and Chuck and me) to a minor league hockey game and my mom watched Ben while we were out. When we got home, she said, "Gary was up on the counter licking the butter so I shooed him off."

Now, Gary does naughty things like this regularly, and this was not his first offense with the butter. But I never ever tell Chuck that Gary licks the butter, because Chuck would freak out and hate the cat.

So, I playfully scolded my mom telling her, "Shh, we don't admit that stuff in front of Chuck."

Then Chuck decided to confess to a secret he'd been keeping. While I was gone earlier that day, Ben lifted the lid to the toilet and was practically swimming in the water. He was halfway in the bowl squealing and splashing with delight. As Chuck showed me the motion, I asked, "So, he was basically practicing his freestyle in the toilet?"

Chuck's reply, "Yeah, but at least his face wasn't wet."

Even though these secrets are amusing, I kind of wish they were still secrets. Sometimes when I'm about to kiss Ben's cute little face, I think about his head in the toilet. I know that I regularly scrub both Ben's head and the toilet, but it still grosses me out.

And Chuck keeps asking me, "Did Gary lick this butter?" He can keep asking, but I never tell.

Two Timin' Meals

2010-01-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

My mom is scheduled to have a major surgery tomorrow and I've spent the last two weeks preparing frozen meals for her recovery time. I've been half-heartedly trying to master this skill for several years, but with Mom's impending surgery, I kicked it into high gear.

Here are three recipes I've used to create these Two Timin' meals.

1. Crock pot Chicken and Vegetables:

1 whole chicken

6 medium potatoes

6-10 carrots

Favorite spices and seasoning

Remove whatever is inside the chicken, rinse and pat dry. Season with your favorite seasoning - you really cannot go wrong. I always use salt, but then mix in paprika, garlic, white/black/red pepper. Just load it up with whatever you think will taste good. Peel and cut potatoes and carrots into chunks. Place vegetables and then chicken in the crock pot and cook on low for eight hours. The chicken will be fall-off-the-bone tender!

2. Minestrone:

I used a Rachael Ray recipe this time - Hearty Minestrone. She has several good minestrone recipes or you could simply make your own. Minestrone is delicious with many beans and "Italian" vegetables like celery, carrots, zucchini. Here is the recipe.

3. Baked Shells Casserole:

This is another recipe from Rachael Ray, but this is more complicated and takes longer than her usual 30-minute meals so I doubled the recipe. Click here for the link.

I use a Foodsaver to vacuum-seal double portions, but have also used Ziplock bags too. I haven't tasted Baked Shells yet, so here's hoping it's delicious!

Inappropriate Clapping

2010-01-10T12:35:00.000-08:00

Like all parents, I work with Ben daily on things like clapping, waving and simple signs. So far, none of these hand signals have really sunk in. He either ignores them completely or uses them inappropriately.

After two weeks of diligent practice, and zero progress, I thought Ben wasn't ready to learn the "please" sign. I stopped practicing, planning to reintroduce it in a few weeks. One afternoon, about 10 days since I last used it, Ben desperately wanted his blanket and he patted his chest twice. So, it must be in his little brain somewhere, the trick is getting it out.

Waving is only slightly better. Instead of waving hello or goodbye, even after uncomfortably long goodbyes with his babysitter every signal day, Ben still will not wave. He sits there looking at everyone waving like they're crazy and, if we're being honest, he's right. No one really waves and smiles for five minutes every single time they say goodbye.

He does however hold his hands palms up wiggling his fingers toward him in a "gimme" fashion. Inexplicably, he uses this made up "gimme" sign consistently correctly asking for more food or his pacifier.

But by far, my favorite inappropriate hand signal is when he chooses to clap. He's been clapping for about five months and recently started clapping to music and will sometimes clap along with Chuck or I when he does something well. But more often, he claps when he's upset. I'll be changing his diaper and he's wailing like I'm torturing him, then he starts clapping. "Whaaa, clap, clap, clap. Whaaaa, clap, clap, clap."

Now, he's started clapping when someone accomplishes something that isn't that great. It seems sort of sarcastic. Today during church, after a prayer, he started clapping a unenthusiastic clap. It seemed like he was saying, "Nice prayer."

More and more I'm seeing that Ben knows his own mind and as he grows up, I need to encourage him to be exactly who he is. Let's face it, he may always have a pension for clapping inappropriately or think prolonged goodbyes are lame.

Should you leave your children with your husband?

2010-01-08T08:40:00.000-08:00

Before I had Ben, actually before I was even pregnant, a friend told me about her friend who always hired a babysitter to watch her daughter even if her husband was available. She said, "Yep, she never leaves Lilly with Derek."

At the time, I thought that set up was absurd. I even said, "In general, I don't think you should have a baby with someone you wouldn't leave the child with."

In theory, I still think that's a good rule of thumb. However, in practice, I'm starting to have my doubts and here's why.

Chuck has been helping with Ben in the morning so I can get to work on time (still struggling with that) and this morning he was brushing Ben's teeth - all 10 of them. So Chuck asks, nonchalantly, "Why do babies have separate toothpaste, can't they just use ours?"

I explained that babies and toddlers don't know not to swallow toothpaste and if swallowed, toothpaste can be toxic. After several minutes of arguing with me and finally conceding when I showed him the "Do Not Swallow" label on our toothpaste, he said, "Huh, I can't believe that. I've been swallowing toothpaste for years."

At that moment, the conversation with Livi two years earlier came rushing to the forefront of my mind. Then, other memories from the last year came back:

1. Tim asking me if my two-month-old liked Christmas ham.

2. Chuck's dad putting my four-month-old, who just learned to roll over but could not crawl or scoot, belly-down on a gymnastic balance beam and walking away.

3. Chuck letting Ben carry around a plugged-in and on electric heater.

It seems like men think babies are more capable than they are. It's almost like they believe babies are born and the next time you see them, they're eating ham and deciding the best spot for a space heater.

I still believe that you should never have a child with someone you wouldn't trust to raise that child, and I absolutely trust Ben with Chuck, but I'm beginning to see the appeal of a sitter. At least you could come home and find everything how you left it. On the other hand, that's why dads are fun, they let you do things Mom would never even consider.

Grandpas and Babies

2009-10-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

I've long maintained that there are many similarities between babies and grandpas and now having a little babe, I see even more. So, in honor of Grandpa Enderle's upcoming birthday, here are my Top Ten Reasons Babies are Like Grandpas:

10.Bedtime is strictly at 7:00pm (dinner at 4:30).
9. They both sport soft sparse hair.
8. They toot when they walk (or roll over, stand up or sneeze).
7. And may need some assistance walking.
6. They're enamored with the weather.
5. They both love grandma.
4. They're content to sit and simply enjoy your company.
3. If they miss a nap, they can get fussy.
2. They look handsome in elastic-waisted pants and velcro shoes.
1. Their gummy grins melt your heart.

We love you Grandpa and we're wishing you a very happy birthday!

An Active Listener

2009-09-29T10:59:00.000-07:00

Chuck has a special knack for ignoring me. I don't think he does it maliciously, I truly believe he really can only do one thing at a time. For instance, he can't chew a tasty pork chop and think "Yum, this chop is delicious." and hear me say, "Chuck, Sharkey's eating your mashed potatoes."

But last night he surprised me. Chuck is getting ready for an interview and brushing up on some possible questions. One question asked "What makes someone a good communicator?" With only a few seconds of thought, Chuck said, "Really a good communicator is probably an active listener - someone who allows the other person to speak without interrupting and then reiterates that person's comments in their own words to ensure understanding."

What?! Where did you read that? I didn't even know Chuck knew "Active Listeners" existed let alone knew what it takes to be one. As I listened to this, I fired off the accusations: Who gave you that answer? Do you do all your listening at work and then you're all tuckered out when I get home? Are you the same person who snoozes on the couch ever Sunday and can't hear me say, "Chuck, would you like chili or tacos?" but pops up at the first "TOUCHDOWN!" from the commentator?

While Chuck is great at ignoring me - he seriously can't turn left and hear me say, "This isn't our turn." He'll complete the turn and ask, "What?" - talking to him is generally like playing a word association game. I'll say something like, "Would you like grape jelly on your toast?" and if I'm lucky he'll say peanut butter. If I'm not so lucky, he'll sing and dance to Bootylicious. Why Chuck knows all the words to every Destiny's Child song is beyond me, but that's probably another post.

When Sharkey Met Gary

2009-09-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

We continue to add to our family and there is some confusion regarding our latest additions. We adopted a kitten...

...and couldn't settle on a name. We tried Leon, Miles, Linc and lots of others, but nothing fit. While we were trying to name him, we discovered he's the worst kitten ever. He spent most of his waking hours biting me, Brandy, Ben and Chuck in that order.

So, we finally named him Sharkey and he's truly like his final namesake. He's a skilled predator - a vicious killer - and we're all scared of him.

Discouraged by the biting, I asked my mom what to do and she said, "Your kitten needs a kitten." So, I brought home a beautiful yellow tabby my brother caught outside his house. Chuck is absolutely against a two-cat household so I told him we were just fostering the yellow kitty until my brother was ready to take him.

Well, things started going badly right from the beginning. Sharkey started spraying near the litter boxes. Yellow kitty had coccidia making his poop really smelly. Chuck pretty much wanted to divorce me and probably would have had he known things like our savings account number and our lawyer's name.

I ended up coming clean with Chuck who said, "I'm glad you decided to tell me the truth, but I'm disappointed that you lied." What?! That's totally out of character. Chuck likes the yellow kitty and Sharkey really did need a kitten - the biting has subsided substantially! He still bites me, but at least he's not biting Ben.

We decided to name the yellow kitty Gary after Spongebob's pet snail. So now we have Sharkey and Gary and they're mostly best friends, although they spend most of their waking hours attacking each other or planning their next attacks.

Please look forward to The Adventures of Sharkey and Gary as they come along.

Garden Update

2009-09-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

It's almost October and I'm pretty sure everyone else has prepared their garden for the winter. We don't know how to do that so our sad little garden is still plugging along.

We've harvested several zucchinis, four green bell peppers and one tomato. Truly, that was the best tomato I've ever eaten - it was juicy and fresh and had the very best flavor! I think I'm ruined for all other tomatoes.

I've been finding new recipes for our zucchinis. Since the first zucchini was hard and tasteless, Chuck's been asking, "Is this from our garden?" and sniffing it suspiciously. Chuck always smells his food before he eats it. I don't know how that helps, but I guess he's done it since he was little. I've been around him so much now, I can hear him do it even if I'm not looking at him. It's always the same routine:

Chuck: "What is this?"
Jackie: "It's mashed sweet potatoes."
Chuck: "Is it good?"
Jackie: "I think so."
Chuck: "Sniiiffff....(bite and chewing)....humm....."

Here are two delicious zucchini recipes.

End of Summer Chili by Rachael Ray
http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=2857

Although Chuck firmly believes all chili should consist of meat and beans only, he still ate this. There are lots of veggies and it's really good for you.

Mini Meatball Stoup by Rachael Ray
I don't have a recipe for this, it's not on her Web site, but I saw DeAmbra make it so I tried to replicate and mine came out more like Italian Jambalaya.

Basically you saute any veggies you have on hand (I used carrots, onion, zucchini, green pepper, celery, and three cloves of garlic) in olive oil. Add about two quarts of chicken stock and Italian seasonings (I used thyme and oregano- about two teaspoons). Make mini meatballs and drop them into the boiling soup and then add a cup of small pasta. I didn't have any small pasta on hand so I added orzo (rice-shaped pasta) and it soaked up all the broth and my meal really did look like jambalaya with meatballs instead of sausage.

Jason, our brother-in-law, said, "Wow, this is delicious. I don't know what it is, but it's good." I don't know what it is either.

Give it a try and send me your suggestions. I think this meal has potential.

Ben is a Puppy

2009-09-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

We've always joked about Ben being more like a puppy than a baby. Coming from a family immersed in veterinary medicine it seemed like an advantage. But now Ben's proven he's more canine than human.

Yesterday, I was combing his hair and I found a flea! I was horrified and screamed for Chuck to hold the wiggling baby (Chuck didn't find this to be near the emergency I did)I caught and killed that little parasite and a half hour later all the pets had a healthy dose of Frontline! Dad said, "Please don't use this on your baby. It's for dogs and cats only."

Later, we were freeding Brandy her dinner and Ben crawled right over to her bowl, took out his pacifier, picked up a piece of dog between his tiny little thumb and methodically brought it to his open mouth. He looked like a Carp at the lake.

I barely intercepted the food. He only has two bottom teeth and I didn't want him choking on dog food. To her credit, Brandy didn't make a sound. She didn't growl, bristle or even stop eating.

And this morning. Ben needed his diaper changed so I called him and called him. Just like most little boys (and big boys) he ignored me. So I got out a can of Gerber Puffs and shook the can calling, "Come here Baby. Come get a cookie." He and Brandy both came over at top speed and sat expectantly in front of me.

Looking at my dog and my baby, I realized the similarities. Pretty soon were going to teach Ben to roll over and play dead.

First Harvest

2009-08-31T10:46:00.001-07:00

It's awfully late in the season for a first harvest, but this is our first opportunity. We planted four little plants last spring - one zucchini, one tomato and two green peppers - and since then we've lost two bell peppers and two tomatoes. We have however harvested one giant zucchini.

It was huge. We were out of town for a few days and it seemed to have exploded while we were gone. It also housed a Mama spider and her 300 babies. I picked it up and dozens of baby spiders scampered. Then when I thought it was safe, Mama spun down just a few inches from my hand. This is dangerous work!

Despite the spiders, Ben and I celebrated our harvest. He was so excited, he bit the zucchini with his only teeth - two on the bottom.

Here are his little teeth marks.

I have to say, this zucchini was not tasty. I added it to shrimp fettuccine and it was so wooden, Chuck asked, "What is this, cucumber?" If it weren't for that little tag in the ground by the plant, I would wonder too.

Maybe the next one will be better...I see it growing out there.

The Kitten has a New Name

2009-08-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

We changed the kitten's name. Leon simply didn't have enough nickname opportunities. Other than Peon - thank you for that suggestion Sarah - there weren't a lot of options. Mom, stated calling him Link referencing the Mod Squad. She kept saying "One black, one white, one blonde." Having never seen an episode of the Mod Squad, I looked them up and found out Link was actually Linc short for special agent Lincoln Hayes. The name stuck. Linc's new namesake is the man on the left.

Now we have "One black, one brown, one blonde".

Top 10 Reasons Cecilee's Bachelorette Party Rocked

2009-07-23T11:06:00.001-07:00

Cecilee and Jason are tying the knot New Year's Eve and this past weekend we celebrated Cecilee's bachelorette party Lake of the Ozarks style. That includes spending most of the day in your swim suit and wearing your "dressy" flip flops out.

Here are the Top 10 Reason why Cecilee's party was awesome.

10. Fashion Show! We hit the outlet malls Saturday morning and Arti and Melissa put on one heck of a fashion show in Lane Bryant. Sarah and I worked the dressing room managing traffic and suggesting sale items to all patrons. This is doubly awesome because Arti is fun to shop with and she came all the way from Hoboken "no jokin" NJ.

9. We discovered that the mini van is an excellent road trip vehicle. On the way home, Melissa and Sarah enjoyed "The Hangover" listening through wireless headphones while Arti and I visited.

8. A chubby little kid scolded me for stealing his tube. We were told it was abandoned and did lots of awesome tricks until an eight-year-old who looked a lot like Chunk from "Goonies" said, "Um...can we have our tube back?" The "What kind of a person steals a child's pool toy" was implied.

7. Even though Cory's flight was canceled on Thursday morning, he drove 24 hours round trip to make Cecilee's party. We're glad he was there to accidentally drop cigarette butts on other condo tenants, take surprise pictures with Sarah's camera and keep us in line with his signature phrase "get a grip" and the "What kind of a person (fill in the blank here)" was implied.

6. Willy made an appearance. I think he's been hibernating in Sarah's attic, but he's free again and ready to be passed on to the next Bearcat walking down the isle...Melissa?

5. Our cab driver also delivers pizzas. Although his car smelled like anchovies, I have to tip my hat to such a hard-working person. I love living in the mid-wast and encountering an honest work ethic.

4. I left Ben for the very first time. Ben is very cute and it was hard to go, but he had a great time with Chuck, Nanny Barbra and Papa Curtis. I don't think he even missed me, which is a little sad, but also means that he's a happy independent, trusting person and I'm thankful for that.

3. Other bachelor/bachelorette parties made the night memorable. We met some bachelors who shared pictures of their kids with me and we met a bachelorette who jealously pawed at Cecilee's engagement ring. She also had some awesome dance moves, tambourines, invited her mom and future mother-in-law and a blow up doll named Pedro to her party. This girl was a whole lot of fun.

2. Danielle created a game that kept us laughing through dinner. She asked Jason questions about Cecilee and their relationship and Cecilee had to answer the questions exactly how Jason answered them. We found out that Cecilee and Jason both remember their first date vividly (which is really sweet) and that Jason thinks Cecilee is most attracted to his rear end. Despite some set backs, it appears Cecilee got more than 60 percent minimum correct and is still free to marry Jason (Cory's rules).

1. Cecilee had a great time! She hit the outlet malls, soaked up some sun, danced the night away and told someone grilling hotdogs that she was a Wiener Auditor. Cec, we hope you know we love you and hope you really did have a great weekend!

Although we had a great time, this weekend was not without obstacles. At times it seemed as if even mother nature was against us. An unseasonable cold front came through and the sky was peppered with "panda-jerk" clouds as Sarah calls them. Only Katie, who opted for SPF 8, got any sun.

We also had a heck of a time getting a cab Saturday night. Apparently, there's a super secret spot to hail cabs near Toad Cove. I cannot disclose the exact coordinates of this location, but suffice to say it's a hike.

Katie and I failed to successfully channel Victoria Beckham and look beautifully angry in pictures. Even after practicing in the bathroom mirror, I only managed to look confused and Katie looks like she's scolding someone for stealing a pool toy.

So, Katie and Danielle thank you for planning an excellent weekend. Arti and Cory, thank you for traveling so far to celebrate. Sarah, thank you for the pictures (all photo credits by Sarah Gravlin). Melissa thanks for the most inappropriate gift (as this blog is G-rated I cannot describe it, but it was funny). And Cecilee, thanks for getting married! We really hope you had the best time!

The Kitten has a Name

2009-07-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

Well, we finally named the kitten and true to form, we opted for a name that wasn't even on the short list. The kitten's name is Leon Phelps after the Ladies Man. I think I'll call him Sweet Leon. Do you think he favors his namesake?

Chuck's Surprise Birthday Party

2009-07-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

Well, we successfully pulled off surprising Chuck with a super galactic bowing birthday blowout. It wasn't easy, but he was genuinely surprised and so grateful everyone came out to celebrate. He also bowled a 174 on one of his several lanes so that was pretty good too.

I was a nervous wreck yesterday and wasn't sure that I could even get Chuck to his party. He kept saying, "I don't really want to go bowling." What?! And Adam kept alluding to a fake (although enticing) birthday surprise at Power & Light.

But we made it (only 15 minutes late) and Chuck had the time of his life! Gladstone Bowl was one of Chuck's favorite places to bowl and eat growing up. He raves that the diner has the best onion rings in three counties. I'm not sure which three, but they're pretty good.

I'd like to thank some of the people who helped make this party happen.

Christi & Adam: Thank you for coming down from Omaha, taking us to dinner and vigilantly throwing Chuck off the scent.

Sarah: Thanks for picking up the cake and balloons.

Ethan: Thanks for fibbing to the birthday boy and getting him to the alley.

KP: Thank you for your awesome commentary. My favorite, "TG's up again and oh no another gutter ball. For those of you keeping score at home, that's number three."

Mom and Connie: Thank you for babysitting Ben, Austin and Jack so we could go out and celebrate.

Party Goers: Thanks for making Chuck's birthday so specail and displaying really animated victory dances.

We're so glad everyone could come. Tell us your favorite part of the party.

My Life With Chuck

2009-07-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

My husband is kind of like a cartoon. He often manages to get himself into sticky situations and he generally misunderstands what other people say.

Years ago, my friend Jess suggested I write a sitcom called My Life With Chuck. This is my answer to her suggestion. Look for Chuck to star in lots of entertaining stories.

Today he read my post and said, "I didn't know we named Ben after your great-grandfather." I'm not sure why he doesn't know this because of the following:

1. I told him that's what I wanted to do.
2. My parents thanked us.

This is part of why I love him. I can always count on him for a surprise.

New Arrival

2009-07-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

This post marks two new beginnings - the start of my blog and a new addition to our family. We adopted a kitten!

Because my parents own a veterinary hospital, we are always coming across kittens in need of a home. A pregnant cat wondered into their technician's yard and had five kittens in her window well. Last night we took a little black and white tuxedo cat and he's seems to be right at home.

He loves Brandy and slept with her last night. He doesn't mind Ben's yelling or pounding and always comes back for more after getting his tale pulled or ear crunched. He likes to cuddle and nap with Chuck and purrs all the time.

We are having a hard time naming him, though. Here are some of the front runner choices. Let us know what you think.

Spaghetti Cat: The cat eating spaghetti that stole our hearts on "The Soup". If we go with Spaghetti Cat, we'd like to call him a good mafia nickname like Fat Tony or Rocco.

Curtis Dee: Curtis, Chuck's mom's husband, asked us to name Ben after him. Although, we opted to name Ben after my great-granddad, we'd still like to honor Curtis.

Harry Houdini: We lost the kitten for a couple of hours and turned the house upside down looking for him. He had crawled under the dishwasher. When the door is open there is a two-inch space between the dishwasher and cabinets, he squeezed in and was catting around under the cabinets. We think we'll call him Harry...maybe spell it Hairy.

Earl J. Hickey: Because this kitten has a sweet mustache, we thought about naming him after someone else with a sweet stache - Earl Hickey. Earl found karma through Carson Daily and lives by the mantra "Do good things and good things happen." He also has a pretty incredible mustache that drives women crazy.

Please tell us what we should name our kitten. It's sad calling him "kitten" all the time. Here are some other pictures too.