Do the Right Thing Phil

How seriously do you think the good people of Punxsutawney take threats against their groundhog? I'd really like to send him this message (written with my right hand so it looks like a crazy second grader hopped up on Kool-Aid and delirious from weeks without recess is really behind the crime):

Dear Phil,

You'd better not see your shadow... or else!

 x x

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I'm guessing Phil's celebrity status is somewhere between actual meteorologist Al Rokar and the man who really put Groundhog Day on the map with that awful movie, Bill Murray. I'm fairly certain threats are not taken lightly and that they would find and prosecute me (or worse, put unflattering pictures of me on the cover of tabloids). Plus, I doubt Phil can read. Look at him:

Punxsutawney Phil

He's got a tiny little groundhog brain - it's a wonder he can predict the weather so well. Actually, I'm not so sure he's all that great at predicting the weather. He uses the "Shadow Method".

He emerges from his burrow, and if the day is sunny and he sees his shadow, he's frightened and thinks there will be six more weeks of winter. If the day is cloudy, and he doesn't see his shadow, he knows spring is on the way. This seems a little backward as I think in terms of:

Sunny = spring
Cloudy = winter

Plus, the first day of spring this year is scheduled for March 20th (approximately six weeks after Groundhog Day). It sounds to me like Phil definitely can not read and probably needs someone to explain North American weather patterns to him.

Although, he may be smarter than he looks, in the last 10 years, Phil has seen his shadow nine times. As I watch Blizzard 2011 rage outside my window, it feels hopeless. No matter what Phil says, we will have six more weeks of winter and probably won't survive this horrible, harsh winter.

This is what we've resorted to:

That's right, pawing at sponge capsules amidst a karate explosion of abandoned toys. I feel like tying a message to Brandy, slapping her backside and begging her to bring help - specifically an inflatable castle and hot chocolate.