No Gaga. Why Gaga?!

Ben uses this phrase often and most recently when we were picking up Gary from Farview (my parents' veterinary hospital) where he was staying while we were out of town.

I asked Ben, "Do you think we should pick up Gary and see Grammy Susan and Papa Jack?" (As a side note, I'm not sure why I ask Ben questions where his answers mean absolutely nothing. No matter what he says, we're going to pick up the cat, so why ask? I think I just want to see what he's thinking.)

In any case, you may have guessed he said no. Then when the building came into view, he began to cry, "No Gaga! Why Gaga?!?!"

I didn't know what to think. Does Ben really not want to take Gary home?

I guess I can see his point. Gary is sort of like Goldilocks - he's always the offending "somebody" who's been sleeping in someone else's bed or eating their porridge. Although he's the smallest member of the family, no one is exempt from his torment.

Somebody's Been Sitting in My Chair. Gary acts as Ben's little brother playing with his toys, looking at him, and generally bothering him. Gary lays on Ben's blanket, acts like Catzilla on his train table and basically ruins Ben's life the way little brothers everywhere ruin the lives of their older siblings.

Somebody's Been Eating My Porridge. Gary eats Chuck's food... almost daily. I think Chuck is an easy target because:

1. He often leaves food unattended. Chuck has no idea how many times I've saved a turkey sandwich abandoned on his desk from Gary's greedy clutches.
2. He's generally unaware of Gary's transgression for at least a minute giving Gary time to work. If I had a nickle for every time I've heard, "Gary! Stop eating my tacos!" I could probably buy at least two tacos... four if it's Tuesday.

Somebody's Been Sleeping in My Bed. Again, almost daily I see Gary sleeping on Brandy's dog bed and Brandy pacing uneasily. She shoots me glances that seem to say, "Can't you move that cat? Please!" I like to let the pets settle their own differences so I've never interfered hoping Brandy will work up the courage to put Gary in his place. She hasn't, instead she's taken to sleeping on my bed. Hmm, this plan seems to have backfired.

Gary doesn't bother me the way he bothers everyone else. He's usually as respectful as you can expect a house cat to be and affectionate to a fault. Nightly, he cuddles my face and head, licking my hair and purring in my ears.

However, last night he crossed a line. A line that should never be crossed and no matter how much I wish I could go back, I can't uncross this line.

I was sleeping peacefully (for once) and woke just slightly to roll over (you need to be semiconscious to haul this belly from one side to the other) when I felt something soft on my face. I opened my eyes to see Gary cradling my face in his little orange paw. He was staring into my eyes lovingly and then he did it. He closed his eyes and... licked my lips.

Ew! He put his gross little cat tongue on my lips. That stinkin' cat essentially kissed me on the lips. Looking back, I can see he was putting "the moves" on me, but having been married for five years (or simply being married to Chuck), I am out of practice when it comes to identifying moves.

I still think I might be sick and resent what I'm calling The Midnight Attack. All I can say is, "No Gaga! Why Gaga?!"

Cabin Fever

One of the only drawbacks to being a housewife is that, most of the time, you are expected to be in your house.

People who are creative might like this. They'd probably spend their days baking or painting. People who love cleaning might also like this - they'd have lots and lots of time to deep clean and organize closets and drawers.

But I don't really like cleaning and baking is fun unless you've got a toddler as your assistant.

Actually, from time to time, I give baking a good shot. I'm not sure if I'm optimistic (maybe this time will be different) or forgetful (oh, it wasn't that bad). In any case, I plunge head-first into a flour-covered disaster.

Today, we tried to make banana bread. Although we did wash our hands before starting, I still wouldn't suggest eating this bread for three reasons:

1. I gave Ben a bread pan to grease and halfway through the greasing, I saw him licking his pat of butter. But he did finish greasing his pan so good for him.
2. When I added salt to the dry ingredients, he added freshly cracked pepper batter. Inventive. 
3. The eggs were simply too mysteriously tempting. I wouldn't let him even touch one, so when I cracked the first egg and put the shell in the trash, I turned around to find Ben wrist-deep in yolk.

The bread itself turned out pretty good... so we gave it to Daddy.  Thankfully Chuck doesn't read this blog.

Covered in flour and proud of his loaf. The day we
actually get dressed, the pants only last an hour.

But one bad batch of banana bread is not going to cure our cabin fever. And over the last four weeks we've been home a lot so the fever is dangerously high. Ben had two different strains of the flu and this week all our play groups were canceled because of a measly negative wind chill.

However, Ben seems to be well-suited to being a shut-in. He doesn't seem to mind wearing the same pajamas for 48 hours straight. He also makes up lots of fun games like "Chase Gary with a Balloon" or "Run in a Circle Screaming". Here he is looking cleaner and less orphan-y than usual, but still wearing PJs.



Our house is cold so we stay bundled up -
kind of like we're camping but with TV.


Despite Ben's brave face, I can't take any more of this so I've created a Winter Survival Guide. This guide includes fun things to do over the next three months until we can safely go outside and play again. Playing outside is really the key to raising children and protecting your house.
Winter Survival Guide:

1. Music with Mar: A fun toddler play group where kids sing, dance and learn. Every Monday or Tuesday morning and a meer $6.00 per class.

2. Take Ben to his first movie: I think we'll see a matinee showing of Tangled, sneak in some allergy-friendly snacks and not worry if we have to leave early.

3. Fun Town Factory: This is actually a great little treasure right up the street. It's an arcade, with inflatables (bouncy houses), with a dance floor, with a pizza shop, with ice cream. Ben is drawn like a moth to a flame when they play Macarena, and the pizza is pretty good.

4. Toddler Time at the Library: The Mid Continent North Independence branch is newly remodeled and super fancy. They have a fun toddler class at 10:00 on Thursdays.

5. Tricycle races in Tiff's Basement: One friend has a large, unfinished basement. I'm trying to convince her we need to host trike races. She says it's currently too cold.

6. Play in the Snow? I have a lot of rules about weather. For example, I won't swim unless it's 90 degrees and I won't swim in a lake until July. Snow is no different, but there is a very slim margin of acceptable conditions. First, it must be above 20 degrees. Second, it must be sunny and third, there can be absolutely no wind. We have not yet met those conditions.

7. CoCo Key: An indoor water resort across from Arrowhead and Kauffman stadiums. We went last year and had a great time.

8. Fun Run / Tunnel Voyage: Two fun toddler options, but $7.00 - $9.00 per trip. We'll probably coordinate with a friend and only go once to each.

9: Kaleidoscope / Crafts: I think we're going to have to start doing stinkin' crafts. Although, I'm pretty sure Ben hates crafts almost as much as I do. He always says, "No Mama!" when I try to get him to color. If we make a special trip to Kaleidoscope, he may see other kids being crafty and be more likely to join in at home. We'll see how this goes.

10. Mavericks Hockey: We're going to take Ben to his first hockey game tomorrow. I hope he likes it.

11. Bowling: I might take Ben bowling. He liked it last summer and Summit Lanes has a Mom and Me class for $3.00/person.

12. Basketball / Aim Fire / General Horseplay: These are all games we play at home that involve throwing in the house. Again, the hardest part of being a housewife is actually being in the house.

Use Your Words

Chuck and I have been attending a parenting class called Conscious Discipline. It’s put on by the St. Paul Methodist Church in Blue Springs and is an outreach program for the church and advertising for the church’s preschool.

I really enjoy this class. It spotlights some to the bad habits that are easy to slip into as a parent and gives alternatives. We’ve covered Composure, Encouragement and yesterday we learned about Assertiveness.

Assertiveness is clearly and concisely communicating what you want your children to do and expecting them to do it. There is no shouting, guilt, lectures or threats. You simply say, “Pick up the blocks and put them in the basket.” And then expect them to do it.

If they resist or say no, you use a “Tell and Show” approach. Walk over to the child, say their name and wait for eye contact. After you get the eye contact, begin to show the child what to do. As soon as they begin to comply, encourage them with, “You’re doing it! Good for you!”

Being assertive with your child takes the place of being passive (asking) or aggressive (threatening) and firmly, but respectfully communicates expectations.

This lesson couldn’t come at a better time for me, because Ben has found his No Voice. All toddlers have it and it’s an important developmental step. (I like to tell myself this when I want to give the naysayer away.) Toddlers have to separate themselves from their parents and begin to see themselves as an individual person, not an extension of the parent. At least that’s what the books say.

And at some point, we want our kids to know how to say no. Do you want to invest your life savings in this pyramid scheme? Do you want to smoke this doobie? Do you want to live in our basement for the rest of your life? Some situations need a no answer.

But at two, Ben uses no for non-negotiables. Here’s how one conversation went.

Mom: Alright Ben, let’s change your clothes.

Ben: No.
Mom (wrestling toddler): Hey, let’s sing a song. How about If you’re happy and you know it?
Ben: Yeah. Bing. Yeah.
Mom: …then your face will surely show it. Ben come back here, we have to put your pants on.
Ben (looking Mom directly in the eye): No Pants.

This is just one of many. Here is a list of some of my other favorite No Phrases:

• No come. (This always follows, “Ben come here.”)
• No topping. (No shopping. This includes an extra-sad face and crocodile tears. It’s usually reserved for the grocery store.)
• No bed. (Self-explanatory.)
• No Gaga. (Used for a variety of Gary’s antics – eating Ben’s food, sleeping in his bed, attacking his feet, biting his toys, laying on his Hot Wheels tracks. It’s sort of like Gary is Ben’s little bother and ruins his life daily.)
• No home. (He can recognize our route home from three different directions and they all produce the same heart-broken cries. “No home. No home.” When I ask him where he’d like to go, he always says, “Topping.” Yeah right.)
• No way. (This means, “No, I don’t want to put my toys away.” Or “No Mama, don’t help me. Go away.”)

Is it wrong that I think his sad faces
are so funny?

I am still surprised by this back talk. Not that it’s happening, but that it doesn’t involve, well… more talking. I always imagined my children telling me no, and including why. Ben just says no. Chuck pointed out that “No Pants” is really all there is to say. They are such peas in a pod.

Ok, there’s more to this class. The next step in this process is to teach your child how to be assertive with peers (although, clearly mine is able to be assertive with me). The example they used was a tattling situation and here it is:

Child: Cameron pushed me!

Adult: Did you like it?
Child: No
Adult: Go tell Cameron, “I don’t like it when you push me. Say, ‘Move please.’ Practice this now.”

When the child has mastered an assertive voice (not whiny or aggressive), he or she is supposed to go to the offending party and communicate exactly what they didn’t like and what they want to happen.

Conscious Discipline says, “The conflict is never resolved until you end with telling the other person what you want.” It encourages parents and teachers to focus on the behavior they do want rather than what they don’t want.

I was just thinking about how this could be applied to dealing with a customer service representative, coworker or spouse, when Chuck turned to me to practice. He said, “I don’t like it when you eat all the bean dip.”

This is on the heels of several pointed conversations. Namely, “Jackie, I don’t mean to ask you this, but did you eat all this dip?” Yes, I ate all the dip. No, I’m not sorry. BTW, I’m pregnant and hungry.

I’ve definitely had an increased appetite this last week and although I don’t feel like I have any true cravings, I do have food aversions and that leaves my options limited.

I just don’t feel like eating meat right now. I get my protein requirements from eggs and beans (I know that sounds like a bad combination, but it’s working). Chicken, pork chops, steaks all sound awful. Ben’s dietary needs (and Chuck’s dietary wants) dictate that I serve a lot of meat hunks. Rather than making double meals, I just enjoy the sides, maybe a salad and some bean dip.

So what if I polished off the dip. If I’ve ever earned the right to eat all the snack food, it’s now – I’m growing a person. I need sustenance and I choose dip.

I guess I’m proud of Chuck for finding a constructive way to air his grievances. It’s definitely better than his previous plan of asking me if I ate something, his voice dripping with judgment. Who do you think ate the dip? The other three “people” (term used loosely on all counts) in the house, can’t open the refrigerator. Yes, it was me.

So in 2011, let’s all practice communicating assertively. I’ll go first.

Chuck, I don’t like it when you judge me for eating so much. Please don’t comment on my eating habits. Ever."

And here’s my bean dip recipe just in case you want to eat too much too.

1 block cream cheese softened

1 can black beans drained and rinsed
1 can rotel drained
½ cup shredded cheese (Mexican blend or cheddar)

Blend all ingredients together. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes or until cheese is melted. Enjoy with your favorite tortilla chips.

Resolutions and Such

I love new beginnings and always love making resolutions - even in the middle of the year. This year, I have a long list of things I'd like to accomplish, but only two real resolutions.

 

1. Go to bed earlier. This means in bed by 10:00 and sleeping by 10:30.
2. Have daily devotions with Ben.

 

There are lots and lots of things I'd like to do this year: trim our budget and save more, deliver a healthy baby naturally, make a smooth transition from a three-person family to a four-person family, keep better track of birthdays, exercise four times a week, and yes, even blog more. But I really believe all these things will fall into place if I simply resolve to do these two things.

 

Going to bed earlier is off to a great start. Last night Ben got up (for the first time) at 11:00. Chuck said I was so out of it when I went to get him that I couldn't even make a sentence. Even though it was probably a little dangerous for me to lift Ben out of his crib, I still consider this a win.

 

As far as daily devotions go, I'm still ironing out the details. I'm using a book Ben picked out, yes I'm one of those parents who let their kid grab stuff at the store and then I buy it. It's called Jesus is My Friend and it's by Instant: Bible Lessons for toddlers.

 

I've divided the chapters into two-week lessons through then end of April and Easter. We'll do one of the activities weekly (probably on Monday or Wednesday), but every day we'll pray, sing a simple song or rhyme, and read one scripture. I'm still searching for our daily scriptures, but we're well on our way.

 

Ending at the end of April seems like a dangerous time because that's when the new baby is due. It seems like it will be easy to let this just fall by the wayside, but I don't want to spend a lot of time planning in the wrong direction. I'll have to just evaluate at the end of March and try to plan through the end of the year then.

 

One last change. I've never really liked the name of this blog and so I'm going to change it for 2011. I've been coming up with some pretty awful ideas, but wanted to give both my readers a chance to weigh in.

 

To properly name something, you have to understand it's function and the function of this blog is to keep a record of this time in my life (my family with small children and their antics) and hopefully entertain its readers. So, here are some of my ideas:

 

Using our Names:

1. My Life with Chuck (this was suggested by a friend who thought Chuck was hilarious - albeit unintentionally)
2. Enderle Anecdotes
3. The Adventures of Ben and Gary (a little sad because it leaves the new baby out)

 

Using Anecdotes: I like the word anecdotes because that's exactly what I'm doing - telling short, true stories that generally end with a lesson learned.

1. Amusing Anecdotes
2. Entertaining Anecdotes
3. Insignificant Anecdotes
4. Inaccurate Anecdotes
5. Mostly Accurate Anecdotes
6. Undefined Anecdotes
7. Entertaining Anecdotes Staring Unwilling Actors

 

With a tag line: I like tag lines - they give dimension to the title and I have to confess, sometimes I stretch the truth just a little bit.

1. Enderle Anecdotes - a Childhood Survival Guide
2. Enderle Anecdotes and Other Mostly True Stories
3. My Life with Chuck - based on a true story (or loosely based on a true story)
4. The Adventures of Ben and Gary - also loosely based on a true story

Popular Phrases:

1. Small Potatoes
2. Tall Tales
3. Tall Tales about Small Potatoes (ok, now I'm just tired)

Please keep in mind that I am awful at naming things: think back to Gary and Benny. I need to go to bed to keep my first resolution. Thanks for the help and not judging me too harshly.