1. Spy sad little cat picking through garbage and shivering in sub-zero temps. Note that this sewer cat is new to the neighborhood and decide he is probably the same cat you saw streaking out of your garage in the fall.
2. Put food out because you are a tender-hearted sucker.
3. Decide to trap it and spend too much time looking at small animal traps online.
3a. Regret this decision when you see Amazon's latest "Items you might like" list. Amazon clearly thinks you are Ted Nugent.
4. End up tricking your mother into buying two traps for just $25 at Tractor Supply.
4a. Celebrate because now you can trap the sewer cats and the sewer 'coons.
5. Spend the next two weeks "earning sewer cats' trust".
6. Enrage your own pets by feeding the strays on your front porch.
6a. Wake up to scary growling and become terrified that there is a bear in your house. Try to rouse your watchdog from a dead sleep.
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| Vigilant Watchdog |
6c. Go downstairs weaponless to discover your cat attacking the window and Sewer Cat sitting on your porch looking terrified.
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| Reenactment |
7. Put out enough cat food to also feed a flock of crows who begin to poo on your front porch.
8. Decide (against your better judgement) to tell Husband the truth when he asks, "What's all over our front porch?" Now Husband is angry with you.
9. Suspect Sewer Cat is really a she and is pregnant.
10. Begin to like Sewer Cat and bond with her as another expecting mother.
11. Make Neighbor super angry and receive nasty text message:
"There is a cat in your driveway, get it before I shoot it. Lol."
11a. Become agitated by Neighbor's poor use of "lol". What are we laughing about, your misplaced rage at a little cat simply existing in your line of vision or shooting said cat? Neither seem funny.
12. Make Husband even more mad because Neighbor sent him a text message too:
"Tell Jackie to put some poison in that cat food. I just picked up 10 cat turds out of my yard."
13. Imagine Neighbor digging through his bushes picking up cat turds. Giggle. Begin to feel a little bit better.
14. Give up your secret hope that you can spend the next six months feeding and socializing Sewer Cat with the hopes of finding her a nice home. (Now she winks at you when you feed her.)
15. Decide to set the trap.
16. Realize super-cheep trap didn't come with instructions.
17. Discover the extra-reputable trap manufacturer also does not have a website.
18. Turn to the experts: You Tube!
18. Watch approximately 14 videos on operating live traps and trapping feral cats. Here's a favorite.
19. Withhold food for 24 hours and feel awful. After all, you know what it's like to be pregnant and hungry.
20. Bait and set the trap.
21. Catch Sewer Cat.
22. Deliver Sewer Cat to parents' veterinary hospital. There she is confirmed to be both a female and six weeks pregnant with five or six kittens. Send Sewer Cat to a new home... in heaven.
23. Miss Sewer Cat tremendously. Cry privately and rename her Nissa 2 (after a childhood cat).
24. Repeat as necessary.
And that's how you catch a stray cat. In the words of Bob Barker, "Please spay and neuter your pets."
this is the one that made me lol :)
ReplyDeleteoh and for some reason I cant find the link to "follow" you???
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