Confession

I know I'm not supposed to say this - actually I'm pretty sure I'm not even supposed to think it - but I here we go.

I hate recycling. I mean I really really hate it. It is my most aggravating chore and I change at least three poopy diapers a day.

I know. It's un-American. It's selfish. But it's also really annoying.

First off, you have to wash your trash. It already feels like I spend half of my waking hours washing dishes (and trash). It would be so much easier to turn 45 degrees and simply throw the trash away. After all, it is trash. But no, you have to wash the trash, walk it to the garage and sort it further.

Second, we have to dispose of it ourselves. I know what you're thinking, "Just pay the extra $7.00/month and let the trash company pick it up. No wonder you hate recycling, Cheapskate."

But it's not that simple for us. Our trash company (mandated by our home owner's association) does not offer recycling services. We could use another company for $11.00/month, but they only take plastics 1 and 2.

Only 1 and 2? Are you kidding!? That excludes our newspaper sleeves, shopping bags, PediaSure and baby food containers. After a month of sorting the plastics - in addition to sorting recycling in general - I gave up. Despite my best efforts, there were always PPVs in with the 1s and 2s.

Which brings me to my next point, it's annoying to sort your trash. I don't sort my laundry this well and I'm going to keep and wear these clothes again. This is garbage, it seriously should not be so complicated.

But the straw that breaks the camel's back is the actual disposing of the recycling. We have to load mounds and mounds of trash into my vehicle (Chuck won't use his) and drive it to not one, but two different drop-off spots. We take most of it to a school that supposedly gets money for the recycling they bring in and we take the glass, steal cans, and batteries to an actual recycling center. (You might note that the hours are also extra lame - Sundays until 4:00 pm and Mondays till 6:00. Really?)

Because I'm short on time and cheap when it comes to gas, I load up the van with the intent of dropping it off on my way to another errand. But someone always poops their pants right when it's time to leave and I end up saying, "I'll just drop it off on my way home."

Which never ever happens because one of my two children is bawling on the way home. So I say, "I'll do it tomorrow when I go into work."

And that never happens because at that point, it's been about 30 hours since I loaded the car and I've totally forgotten there's three cubic feet of garbage in the back of my vehicle. Until I open the hatch and realize despite all my washing, trash is still trash and a little on the smelly side and now I'm officially driving a "Trash Van".

Recycling both runs and ruins my life. Sometimes I actually don't buy something because I don't want to deal with disposing of it or the bag it comes in.

The only thing worse than recycling is the bone-crushing guilt of not recycling. You win Recycling. I'll keep washing and driving most of my garbage around town. You win.