Happy Birthday

Tomorrow is the day anniversary of the day we were given the biggest decision of our lives. After four days of mixed message from doctors and nurses at St. Luke's, we were told that my mom's stroke was serious. It happened right in the smack middle of her brain leaving her paralyzed, unable to speak, unable to even stop her saliva from going into her lungs.

Her doctor called a family meeting and at 2:00 on July 14, 2011 she told us that she believed my mom would never regain any function. With time and physical therapy she would be able to blink once for yes and twice for no. The doctor thought she was "locked in" - intellectually in-tack, simply unable to move or speak. She said, "You don't have to make the decision now, but withdrawing support is an option."

We asked a few questions, and in less than 15 had a unanimous decision. We all knew that my vibrant mother would never want to lived "locked in". We all knew that given the choice, she'd choose to see Jesus. We decided that Dad would tell her and that we'd make the change the next morning.

I wonder what Dad said to her. He told me that he wanted her to have one more sunrise. I wonder how sunrises look in heaven. The nurses said they would skip some of their overnight vital checks so she could have a good night's sleep. I wonder how well anyone could sleep knowing they were going to die tomorrow.

I've only seen three people actually dying. One looked excited, like she couldn't wait to go. One looked scared. She seemed lost somewhere between this world and the next. My mom looked peaceful. Honestly, she looked like the dogs and cats at the clinic. She looked like she knew where she was going, that it was going to hurt, but she would dig in and do it.

Thirty years ago, she was sort of in the same situation. She was in labor with me. Because my parents didn't have health insurance, my mom opted for a home birth. When I was facing labor with Ben, she told me, "You just have dig down and do it." I have never been nearly as tough as my mom.

At her visitation, a couple came up to me and told me their version of my birthday. They said they were signed up to bring a meal that evening and when they knocked my mom answered to door - she was wearing white shorts and bubbly. They were surprised to see her up and about, but she said, "Come on in. Jack and Jackie are sleeping - they're exhausted, but I just got done cleaning the house."

I believe that my birthday was one of the best days of my mom's life. She told me she wanted me. She told me the first time she felt me move was on Valentine's Day. She was laying on her bed reading and felt my first flutters and thought it was such a sweet Valentine. Every single day of my life, I felt my mom's unconditional love.

I also believe that the day my mom went home to Jesus, was unequivocally very best day of her life.

On that Friday morning, I sang camp songs to my mom. She looked like she was sleeping, but as I finished the last verse of For Those Tears I Died, I started crying and so did Mom.

You said you'd come and share all my sorrows 
You said you'd be there for all my tomorrows 
I came so close to sending you away 
But just like you promised, you came here to stay 
I just had to pray 



Chorus And Jesus said, "Come to the water, stand by my side
I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied 
I felt every tear drop, when in darkness you cried 
And I strove to remind you, It's for those tears I died" 


Your goodness so great, I can't understand it 
And dear Lord I know now that all this was planned 
I know You're here now and always will be 
Your love loosened my chains, and in You I'm free But Jesus why me? 


Chorus 


Jesus I give You, my heart and my soul 
I know now without God, I'll never be whole 
Savior, You opened all the right doors 
And I thank You and praise You from earth's humble shores Take me I'm Yours! 

Somewhere around 9:30, we stepped out of her and they unhooked all the machines. With all the tubes gone, Mom's lips were cracked and bleeding. Her face was bruised and swollen. My dad told her she was beautiful. 

We listened to Michael Card (one of her favorite artists), held her hands, prayed and gave her our blessing. The day was long, but Mom worked diligently. Around 5:00, my dad and brother took Mom's hands and began to pray. I started singing God Be With Till We Meet Again and Mom took her last breath.

A dear friend told me that my mom and I sort of share a birthday, only her's is an eternal birthday. I guess that seems true and sweet for someone I love so much. So Mom, I wish you a very happy eternal birthday. I love you dearly. Till we meet again.