It sort of feels like you’re watching a movie you’ve seen a dozens times before and you know that it’s sad. You know you’ll cry, but you keep watching. I wake up early and run this movie in my mind over and over again.
On July 9th last year, I drove Ben and Susanna to a splash park on the west side of Independence and talked with my mom on the way. She was cleaning her back porch and she was talking about how much she loved her family. We said goodbye and I love you and I headed to the fountains.
An hour and half later my dad called me and said, “You’re mom had a stroke. We think she’s ok. She’s in an ambulance on its way to Centerpoint.”
I was frantic, it took me twice as long to pack up my kids as it usually does and Danielle offered to keep Ben. I took Susanna to the hospital and found a welcoming committee including my long-lost Uncle Chris, and many of Mom’s friends from church.
We went back two at a time and I watched mom “recover”. She went from out-of-it and slurring her words to her normal self.
They said she might have had heat stroke, or a TSA and they’d keep her overnight. She was moved to room and talking with a doctor before I left for the evening. She seemed fine. She was holding a pink teddy bear and even made a joke that the bear had a bad leg and needed treatment too.
When I came back that night, she was writhing, moaning and had totally lost control of her body. Her right side would go limp and her left side jerk. She’d say, “My tongue feels funny.” And “I’m having a stroke.”
We watched her writhe for five hours before they finally gave her morphine. We asked for blood thinners and they said no it might cause more problems.
The next morning, a Sunday, I took Susanna back to the hospital and was coming in when they were wheeling Mom out for another MRI. I picked up my mom’s Book of Mormon and opened it to page 450, thinking I’d read to Susanna. This is what I read:
The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea,
and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a
hair of the had shall not be lost, but all things shall be restored to
their proper and perfect frame. Alma 19:58
At that moment, I knew that God would totally and completely heal my mom… on His side of the veil. At the time, I honestly thought she would not walk again or would lose control of some of her speech, I had no idea that I would lose all of her.
I asked her doctor to look at her again while she having an “episode”. He said that she was just having an anxiety attack and ordered a psychiatrist for Monday morning. Looking back, that was a total waste because by 7:00 pm that night, my mom would never speak again.
The day progressed and they continued to not treat her. She basically had a fatal stroke in a hospital as an entire staff, her family and friends watched. I feel like I let my mom down so badly. When the
doctor said not to give blood thinners because it could cause other problems, my mind was screaming, “No! She needs this.” When the doctor said she was having an anxiety attack, I knew that wasn’t true.
But at the same time, I honestly feel like this was God’s will for her life. Every single person who is born will someday drink from that bitter cup and I truly believe my mom’s earthly work was complete and it was time for her to graduate.
And as it is appointed unto men once to die… Hebrews 9:27This is harder than I thought it would be. I don’t think I can write everything all at once. There were seven days between when my mom first had her stroke and when she passed away. In the scriptures, seven means completion.
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