Need a Helping Hand?

About a month ago, Ben started playing a game we simply call Hand. He gets stuck, puts one little hand in the air and yells, "And! And!" We say, "Oh no, are you stuck? Do you need a hand?" and help him out. It's a very suspenseful game and there's a collective sigh of relief when he's unstuck.

I should mention that Ben's version of getting stuck is rarely never really stuck. Sometimes he lays face down on the floor, sometimes he's on his back on the steps. He's been known to put one leg behind a piece of furniture or simply cross his legs. But if you heard his pleas, you'd believe we were dealing with a life or death situation, but we promise he's fine.

One more point before we go on, Chuck also likes to get "stuck" and Ben takes his job as emergency responder very seriously.

I love this game... at home. It's fun to see his imagination working and let's face it, a little drama breaks up the monotony of our days. I do not love this game at the grocery store. People can give you some pretty nasty looks when you have a toddler laying in your cart with one leg and one arm up in the air yelling in a panic. I also do not like this game at the doctor's office.

One morning we were waiting to see our family practice doctor and had to wait about 45 minutes (basically an eternity in toddler time). After about two minutes all the snacks were gone and we'd read Cat and the Hat - twice. So Ben started his game. He'd scoot under a chair and yell, "And!" When the nurse finally called us, the receptionist said, "He's the wild one over there."

Thanks.

Despite my best efforts to quell the game in public, it continues and is expanding. Yesterday, Gary was rolling around on his cat back and Ben yelled, "Gaga, and! Gaga and!" and reached out to take Gary's paw. Gary bit him, but Ben seems undeterred in his mission as first responder.

And this morning, I was contemplating taking down the Christmas decorations, when Ben started playing with the Little People Nativity set. We were talking about Mary being Jesus' mama and the next thing I knew, baby Jesus was face down and Ben was yelling, "And!" Luckily Mary came to Jesus' rescue.

I have nightmares of Little Sister (what I'm currently calling the new baby) face down and Ben shouting for rescue. For now, we'll enjoy the antics.

Christmas in Review

At the beginning of this Christmas season, I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish and enjoy. Here is that list:

1. Teach Ben that Christmas is about Jesus' birth.
2. Help Ben learn generosity.
3. Not worry about money.
4. Not snap at Chuck, Ben or any other innocent bystander.

I simply wanted a peaceful, worshipful, happy home for the holidays. In years past, I have been guilty of being snappy at the very people I love the most. Get out of my way! Can't you see I'm trying to do something nice for you?!?! Yeah, not what I wanted to do this year :)

I would say I accomplished those goals about 80 percent. For the last month, Ben and I have been reading children's books about Jesus' birth. Our two standbys were The Animal's Christmas Eve and The Very First Christmas. Like most two-year-olds, Ben likes to read the same books over and over again and he especially loves donkeys (which are heavily featured in Christmas stories so that helped).

Ben made all the animal sounds, pointed out the donkeys and the "GaGas" (cats). He also enjoyed pointing out the Jesus' star, kissing baby Jesus goodnight and declaring his hatred for Mary. I think he doesn't like that she's on top of the donkey or maybe it's because her eyes are closed in a lot of these pictures, but he always points to her and says, "Ick." I try to tell him, "Benny, that's Jesus' mommy, she's a nice mommy." He just looks at me and hisses. Fine - hate the virgin Mary, but seriously that makes no sense.

I've often wondered why Jesus was born in a stable and after actually delivering a baby (well, being in labor for a day and having him cut out of my belly - not sure if that's a real delivery), it makes me really sad for Mary. I can't think of anything worse than being in labor while riding on a donkey, delivering your baby without your mom and with your new husband, while out of town in a stable. But now I think maybe it's because kids love animals so much, it helps them learn about Christmas.

I'm not sure how much of this Ben really understands. Does he understand that babies grow up to be adults? Is it confusing that sometimes Jesus is a baby, then he's a man, then we pray in His name? I'm really not sure how much sinks in, but if he understands Jesus was born and animals, people and angels were happy, that's probably enough.

To help Ben learn generosity, we made pictures and ornaments for the people we were going to see on Christmas. When Ben received a gift from someone, I wanted him to have something to give them in return so he could learn that gift-giving is a two-way street.



There are little green scribbles
in the left corner. While
Ben was writing he said,
"Bean!"



This was an exercise in patience because 1.) I hate crafts - they are tedious and lame and 2.) I hate crafts with two-year-olds. If you want a mess to clean up and glue all over yourself, your cat, carpet and child, by all means, plan a craft. We made our presents on Christmas Eve and basically ended up with paper, pom poms and stars all over - Ben even had one little gold star stuck to his bottom, which I didn't remove because he looked so festive.

However, I think the sentiment was a success. Ben was super excited about opening gifts this year (finally learning that wrapped boxes mean toys) and he seemed to like giving too. Next year, we'll either do the craft earlier or put together little baskets of no-bake treats. Baking is also bad news with a toddler unless you like sweeping up flour and throwing away all the cookies with finger prints (oh, who am I kidding - eating the finger-print cookies.) I think I'll also let him make a list of people he wants to give a "gift" to.

I made my list and budget early and didn't stress about how much Christmas was costing even once. Yippee - that's a 100 percent victory. And I only snapped a Chuck once on Christmas day (that's basically 100 percent for me). I didn't even glare at the man who cut me in line at the post office while I was holding three packages and a crying two-year-old. Yes, single man mailing one envelope-sized package carrying nothing else, clearly your time is more important than mine and obviously your hands are more full. Please, go ahead of me.

For next year, I think my goals will be the same; although, Ben will be more involved and it will be more challenging with a seven-month-old baby tow. I think we'll add more books, more movies and more activities. Stickers are an okay "craft". I'll probably also spend more time reading the story from the scriptures too.

I had a list of activities I wanted to do with Ben and we actually made it to everything.

1. Winter Wonderland at the Bass Pro Shop. We went with Cole and Noah in the afternoon and had a great time. We watched a model train, rolled monster trucks, raced cars and even got in a little target practice with a Nerf cross bow. It was a really fun FREE event, but if you want to see Santa, pick up a ticket during the day and it moves you to the front of the line.

2. Jackson County Christmas in the Park. Ben loves lights and even though we spent almost two hours in the car (one of which he was out of his car seat and doing really helpful things like turning on our hazard lights) it was worth it. Ben loved it. Next year, I think we'll go earlier in the season and earlier in the day.

3. Trains at Union Station. We saw the model trains at Union Station and that was by far Ben's favorite activity. We went through two rooms of trains or "choo choo beans" as he likes to say. Ben also rode a small train and met Santa, whom he looked at with suspicion.


Christmas fun at Union Station



Don't look at me, Santa!

 







Lone rider on his first time around.

Hi Mama!

4. I hosted Christmas dinner for my parents and Barbra and Curtis. I made table decorations out of mason jars, left over Christmas greenery and cranberries I meant to bake into bread, but never did. We had a fun time and Ben learned his grandparents' names. He still calls my mom "Mama". But he calls my dad "Baba Jack" and Barbra "Nee Nee Ba Ba". She's lucky. I did burn the ham because I put it in the crock pot with 12 hours to cook instead of eight (math at midnight is always dangerous for me), but Chuck's perfectly fried turkey made up for it.

 

Chuck gave me new dishes for
Christmas.



Yes, I made this. It only
took five minutes and
Ben even helped.



 We also enjoyed tiny aprons at my mom's and dogs in dresses at the Enderle's.

Mom gave Ben a grill so naturally he
needed an apron to go with it
and obviously it should match Daddy's.

Lexi in her Christmas best.

 2010 was truly a blessed Christmas season. I hope it was for you as well.

It's a Girl

Apparently my dreams are still the crazy ramblings of my subconscious and have no prophetic power at all, because we are having a GIRL!

When the technician told us I was thrilled and Chuck looked like he was going to throw up. I'm excited that our house will be nice and even with three and three. I already feel a little out-numbered when Chuck and Ben are in their Chiefs gear, watching football all day Sunday.

So, here's to a little girl. I can't wait to meet her.

It's a... Boy?

One of the best parts of pregnancy is the crazy dreams. Some of my friends have had prophetic dreams telling them that they were going to have a boy or girl.

I never have those dreams. My dreams include giving birth to an 80-pound baby and buying a special wagon to transport the giant. Sometimes I'm fighting guerrillas in South America. Sometimes I'm performing with Shamu at Sea World - it's all usually very adventurous.

But last night, my dreams took a different turn. I dreamt that Ben told me, "It's a boy, Mama." I asked how he knew but he offered no more explanation. Then, our whole family went to the sonogram appointment, but we forgot to ask if the baby's gender. So I called and the technician said, "I can't give out that information over the phone, but expect more of the same." I tried to clarify, "You mean we're having another boy?" But the technician only said, "I can neither confirm nor deny."

As with most dreams, it seemed to make more sense right when I woke up. I was sure this dream was telling me that we are having a boy, but now that I write it out, it seems like this dream matches the usual crazy ramblings of my subconscious. Did I mention that a significant portion of this dream was spent looking for tiny magic shoes? Does the fact that they were Keds make it worse?

The jury is split on this decision. Many people - including my MIL, father and one emphatic friend - think this baby is a girl. Also, MS's psychic rock thinks the baby is girl. However, the hillbilly pencil test and Chuck think the baby is a boy.

Well, 1:30 can't come soon enough today. We'll know soon and then the name fighting can commence.

Yickety Yack Don't Talk Back

Ben spent the afternoon telling me how much he hates certain things, particularly things I really love.

Please don't be fooled, he's still a boy of few words. He's just getting better - much better - at getting his point across. And when he doesn't like something, he makes this noise in his throat that is somewhere between the word "ick" and a hiss. It actually sounds like someone hacking up a cold byproduct. We're not really sure where he picked up this habit, but I blame my mother. Although, she likes to reserve this lower form of communication for food.

Ben used to keep this "word" in his pocket too, but he unleashed it with full force today. While I was making breakfast, he brought me the case for A Muppet Christmas Carol, pointed emphatically and said, "Ick," like a hundred times.

What?! That's arguably the best Christmas movie ever! The Muppets meet Charles Dickens meet the best musical score I've ever heard! How can you possibly hate it?! So, I asked him and he looked me in the eye and said, "Ick."

First, please reserve your back talk, for a time when there is actual talking involved. Second, I don't care if you do hate it - I'll just watch it when you're in bed and your judgey father is out of town (like I do every year).

He also told me he hated a CD of instrumental Christmas music (which is beautiful and super calming by the way) and his cup of apple juice... which I later found in the trash.

He is truly his father's son and even now they love many of the same things: meat, grunting rather than talking, and the Chiefs. That's right, Ben loves the Chiefs and he proved it today when a friend dropped off some Chiefs apparel her son outgrew. Ben pointed at that arrowhead logo and said, "Cool Chiefs!" Actually, it sounded more like, "Coo Sheesh," but the sentiment was clear.

Fine, the two of you can have each other and you're welcome to make fun of the things that I love all you want. It's only fair, I remember mercilessly making fun of my mother for watching this awful, black-and-white version of A Christmas Carol. I'm pretty sure it followed the book word-for-word and that's why my mom loved it so much. But to me, it was torture.

So Benjamin, here is a list of my favorite Christmas movies. Please feel free to hate them and tease me relentlessly. It's your God-given right as a child to think your mom is lame.

5. White Christmas - I love Danny Kaye and can sing every word of every song. So what.
4. Elf - Will Farrell in green tights. I don't think there is anything else to say.
3. A Charlie Brown Christmas - Linus' monologue made me love him even more and someday, my blanket-toting son, will love this movie too.
2. It's a Wonderful Life - This movie always fills me with so much hope. It's great to remember how valuable we all are.
1. A Christmas Story - "Randy laid there like a slug. It was his only defense."

And the very best Christmas movie of all time - A Muppet Christmas Carol. I really don't know how anyone can resist this movie's charm. Check out my favorite song from this movie.

Unto Us a Son is Given

I got Ben a Little People nativity set to play with during the Christmas season and so far it's been a whole lot of fun.

First, we are a little confused about the contents of the set. It's seems as though one character can double as both Joseph and a shepherd. He was standing in the stable by baby Jesus, but he's also holding a shepherd's staff. Chuck keeps saying really helpful things, "Where the heck is Joseph? You'd think he wouldn't miss something like this."

Second, Ben really likes to play with this set and one of his favorite things to do is put another character on top of the stable where the angel is supposed to be. So far his favorite choices are one of the wise men and the cow.

This tempts me to say things like, "But the cow said unto them, 'Fear not, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.'"

Third, Gary likes to get into the action further leading us to rewrite the Christmas story. Here's an example. "And this is the way you shall find the babe, he is wrapped in swaddling clothes, and is lying in a manger. And it came to pass a great and terrible beast came upon the land. And the beast destroyed all that was in his path. And all the people were sore afraid. And they called the beast Catzilla.'"

Lastly, this toy allows me to ask this question every single day, "Ben, where is baby Jesus? Benjamin, look at me, show me where you put Baby Jesus." He's usually tucked safely under Ben's blanket (which he now calls Buddy) or sometimes he's less fortunate and laying face down under the couch or Christmas tree.

In any case, this toy has been a whole lot of fun for our imaginations over the last few days. And we wish you a joyfilled holiday season too.

With a Thankful Heart

I love Thanksgiving. I love spending the day with family (I like mine so that's helpful). I love walking into a house and smelling pumpkin pie. And I especially love counting my blessings.

Every year I make a private list of why I'm thankful and this year I'd like to share it.

1. I'm thankful for my husband. Chuck is a hardworking man, who makes me laugh every single day. It's honestly like being married to a cartoon. Here's what I mean. He said he was going to stop by the grocery store so I asked him if he minded picking up the onions I forgot. He said, "Vidalia?"

What? How many types of onions can you name? Oh, just the one? Why would you think I needed a vidalia onion? No, I need the crispy French's onions for green bean casserole. "Oooohhhh. I like those!" So, a big thank you to Chuck for being both funny and thoughtful. Not only did you pick up the onions, but you made me laugh doing it.

2. I'm thankful that I get to stay home with Bean. And no "Bean" is not a typo. Ben has learned how to say his name and luckily for everyone within earshot, he pronounces Ben as Bean. Mostly he likes to say, "Here Bean." Loosely translated that means, "Give that to me."

Feel free to call him Bean - we do. Also, feel free to embellish on this nickname. When he makes me chase him, I like to say, "Get over here you little Kidney Bean." Or if he's fussy, I like to say, "Oh, lo siento Senior Pinto Bean - I'm so sorry you lost your binky." Really the possibilities are endless.

However, of all the beans I love, I love Ben the most. It's fun to watch him learn and play. It's nice to be the one to kiss the tears. I feel like I'm a better mother being with him all the time and I truly cherish this time.

3. I'm thankful that the peace of Jesus passes understanding. Ben's health has been a challenge this year. I never imagined that I would have child diagnosed as Failure to Thrive. Sometimes I'm scared, sometimes I'm exhausted. Sometimes I'm even jealous of other families who seem to have it so easy. Even though we are still without definitive answers, I always feel as though the Lord is leading me and holding our family.

So, with a full heart, I lift my voice in thanksgiving.

Praise the Lord of hosts; for the Lord is good; for his mercy endureth for ever. ~ Jeremiah 33:11

Birthday Party Fun

Ben's second birthday came and went and I think it was a success. In the words of my 7-year-old niece, "You know, that was the best birthday party I've been to in a long time." This means a lot coming from Chaise as she's like the Paris Hilton of grade school birthday parties.

Here are the Top 10 reasons why the party was fun:

10. Moon bounce: The Bouchers let us borrow their bouncy house and it was super fun. The kids loved it and the adults tripped over it.

9. Presents. Ben got a lot of very thoughtful gifts including an autographed poster of the Chiefs cheerleaders and an awesome Indiana Jones hat.

8. We finished a few projects around the house that needed finishing and the party deadline finally made that happen. We cleaned windows, touched up paint, nail pops and drywall scratches. And the big one, we finally installed a door on the prison shower downstairs. The basement has been finished for two years and it just now has a working shower. Hooray!

7. Family came from out of town. Chuck's mom, aunt, cousins and their kids came from Derby, KS to party with us and it was F-U-N to see them! Thanks for making the drive! We love you guys!

6. Dance party! I feel like this needs no more explanation.

5. Chuck's super family-friendly apron. Chuck was working the grill and thought he needed an apron to protect his Bob Seger t-shirt. Glad he picked this one.

4. Pinata Fun. The pinata was the gift that just kept giving. First, Cole ripped it open like the Hulk. Second, the little girls collected all of the pinata treasures (noise-making party favors) and "sold" them back to the little boys. What great entrepreneurs in the making!

3. Trike races. The kids rode trikes and various other wheeled toys down our hill and there was only one casualty. I believe Cole has fully recovered from his first injury to what my mother calls "the family jewels".

2. Kickball. This was probably the best part of the night. Chuck's cousins are kids at a heart and when they get together they like to play really competitive games of wiffle ball, sword fighting and that night, kickball. They are also generous enough to let the little kids play too, but don't worry they don't go easy on them. Many of that night's outs came from fathers and uncles bouncing balls off of kids heads and backs. Then they yelled at them if they didn't leave the base immediately. Andrew's unique style of base running (not necessarily going in order) probably saved him a head injury. My mom thought the older boys were too rough, but I think the kids were fine. No one cried and all of them had moms and grandmas in the audience. They could have sought refuge with those very sympathetic ears.

1. Kazoo Concert. This was incredible. Jason started it, but ended up including almost everyone. He played a stirring rendition of Amazing Grace, got Chuck to do some duets with him including Summer Lovin' and ended up playing everything from Party in the USA to America the Beautiful. It was very patriotic. See if you can name this tune.

 

The party was not without hitches though. First, I was really confused when I made the guest list and forgot to invite several very important people: Chuck's Grandpa Kaup, Aunt Diana, Uncle Mark, and a very special Bearcat sister. If you're reading this, I'm sorry.

Second, we ran out of propane halfway through the hot dogs. But overall it was a great party and I'm sure marked the beginning of a great year.

Happy Birthday, Ben. We love you so much!

Welcome Back to Blogging

I have been MIA for several months. I have no excuses, just overwhelmed with my daily responsibilities, but making a promise to get back to blogging. I love writing and I especially love writing about my cartoonish family.

So, here's a quick update:
1. I retired from marketing to be a full-time mom/trophy wife.
2. We found out Ben has several food allergies and intolerances and have totally changed our diets/whole lives.

So how is it going? I'd say marginal. My house is not nearly as clean as I imagined it. There is one line from NBC's Parks and Recreation that sums this situation up. Amy Poehler is explaining to a city forum that because of budget cuts, they will have to close all the parks next year. One women stands up and says, "What am I supposed to do with my children? Do you expect me to keep them in my house?!"

That says is all. Am I really expected to keep my son in my house? That scenario is bad for everyone, but especially the house.

Ben is also learning a lot lately. He says an average of two new words a day. This morning he said "Brandy" and that was really cute. Last night he said something that wasn't so cute.

We went to Sibley Orchards to pick out some pumpkins with the Sylers (our neighbors), and after four pumpkins, some apple butter and the very best cherry cider I've ever tasted we decided to go to Los Compos, a local Mexican joint, for dinner.

Garret is telling us how he's going to take Austin fishing for the first time on Friday and Austin is telling us about his new Spongebob fishing pole. So I asked Ben, "Benny, do you want to go fishing next year?"

And he shouted, "Oh yeah!" Except he didn't say, "Oh." It was truly a Christmas Story experience. My sweet little boy said the queen mother of all bad words and basically said it perfectly.

I was stunned. I asked, "Benny, what did you say?" And Stacie chimed in, "I think we all know what he said." Thanks Stace.

I was mortified. At least two tables were looking at us. How can a child who basically uses the same nonsensical sounds to say both "pumpkin" and "outside" pull this off and where did he hear it? Especially in this context. It's not like Chuck and I are walking around like we live in a frat house.

Chuck: "What's for dinner?"
Me: "Meatloaf."
Chuck: "Oh yeah!"

That kind of excitement never happens. And it we were that excited for some reason, it would never involve the F-word.

I hope this word disappears into a confused memory. I really don't want my son to be the kid that teaches other kids how to curse a pre-school.

Truth in Advertising

Dear Bank of America,

Your current online ads are terrifying and I respectfully request that you cease broadcasting them immediately. I'm sure you know I'm referring to the "You're Expecting... Twins" campaign for the Automated Savings Program. Scare tactics are rarely effective and often offensive and this campaign is no exception. Please stop torturing me, and countless other women, with your intrusive advertising.

Sincerely,
Angry about Ads

I'm sure it's my own fault for searching baby clothes online or worse, baby names. I love looking up name meanings and don't want to give up the hobby just because these stinkin' ads haunt me. Stupid psychographics!

This morning, I logged onto BOA online, when the infamous ad started rolling. It said, "You're Expecting."

And I thought, "I am?"

BOA: "... Twins"

Me: "What?! And how does Bank of America know that?"

Then I realized, Bank of America couldn't possibly know that and began feverishly counting up days. Whew. Safe.

BOA: "Save for the unexpected with our Automated Savings Program. Blah. Blah. Blah."

Why would Bank of America, my trusty online banking center that's always open and never lets me down, torment me like this?! Why would they resort to such sneaky scare tactics that form lumps in my throat, instead of inspire me to open an automated savings account?

Although, I do want to add to our family, it's a big decision and I'm not sure I'm ready. So, until I'm ready, please be nice BOA and knock off the scary, seemingly prophetic advertising.

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Girl?

Ben has developed a new phobia… girls. He’s especially fearful of baby girls who are trying to touch him.

Every morning when I drop him off, Evie sings, “Beh-en,” and tries to hug him. Ben responds by looking panicked and backing away slowly. Alternate means of defense include clutching his blanket and crying.

At first, I thought maybe he just isn’t into hugging right now, but I threw out that theory Sunday, when he acted similarly fearful of little Emma. Emma is 13 months old and enamored with hair. She toddled over to Ben and ran her hands through his luscious locks. Again, he looked panicked, cried and this time ran away. 

Seriously, what’s so scary about these lovely ladies? They’re beautiful, sweet little girls. This phobia is especially funny because, Ben is a pretty brave kid. He climbs on and off furniture that’s taller than him, he slides down big-kid slides with delight, runs straight up to almost any dog, but these gentle little girls, with their sweet smiles and sing-song voices, seem strike true terror in his heart. 

Last night one of Chuck’s friends from high school joined us for dinner and I told him about Ben’s girl-phobia. He laughed and said, “Well, I remember his dad being that way too.”

I’ve heard many stories about Chuck’s lack of girlfriends. Chas, Chuck's sister, to this day tells me, “I thought Chuckie was gay. He never had any girlfriends.”

She even made this comment on our wedding day. I thought, “That’s kind of weird, I was expecting, ‘Congratulations’ or ‘Welcome to the family’ but okay we’re going with… relief?”

I’m sure Ben will grow out of his fear of girls, probably before I’m ready for him to. And I’m equally sure he’ll be fearless when it comes to snakes and other creepy crawlies that terrify me.

I can imagine him stuffing frogs in his pockets – or worse my pockets – and wondering how cheerful little girls are so scary, but icky frogs are so intriguing. 

Homemade Spices and Such

I've recently came across a new homemade spice recipe that I'd like to share. It's simply called "Chicken Seasoning". It's from The Grocery Shrink blog and part of a delicious tuna noodle casserole recipe.

Chicken Seasoning:
3 Tbsp onion powder
3 Tbsp salt
1.5 Tbsp basil
1 Tbsp garlic powder
1 tsp oregano

Mix well and it makes a tastey seasoning salt for chicken, veggies or fish.

This find reminded me of my Papa John's "Magic Cajun Seasoning". Long before Emeril created his Essence, my grandfather created this combination. This is great on steak, brisket, porkloin, or even chicken. Compare it to Lawerys, but with more kick... and better... and less expensive.

Magic Cajun Seasoning:
1/3 cup salt
1/4 cup garlic powder
1/4 cup ground black pepper
1/3 cup paprika
3 Tbsp onion powder
2 Tbsp thyme
2 Tbsp oregano

Warning: It makes a bunch, because everything Papa John did was big. That was part of his charm and probably why we miss him so much. He was larger-than-life and left a big hole. Thankfully, he shared his recipes with me, some of them handed down from great-grandparents in Sicily, and I can keep a little piece of him and my heritage.

Just to have a reason to mix these spices up, here's a recipe that can use one or both.

Roticerie Chicken in the Crockpot::
1 whole chicken
3-4 Tbsp of Chicken Seasoning or Magic Cajun Seasoning (or both)
1 onion
2-3 cloves of garlic
Aluminum foil

Wash and pat the chicken dry inside and out. Cut onion into quarters and garlic cloves in half and stuff the chicken. Sprinkle generous helpings of your preferred seasoning (or both) to coat the chicken.

Role aluminum foil into approximately six golfball-sized balls and place in the bottom of the crock pot. Place chick on top of foil balls breast up and cook on low for eight hours. The chicken will come out fall-off-the-bone-tender and the skin will be brown and crispy, like it was roticerie roasted.

I'm currently looking for something reusable to replace the foil, like ceramic ramikins or a small muffin pan. Let me know if you find something that works.

This is a budget-friendly meal as you can usually find whole chickens for $0.79 - $1.59/lb. every day at any grocery store. If you have a smaller family, debone the chicken and freeze some of it for enchiladas or quesidillas.

Let's work on Language Development

Parents as Teachers visited yesterday and pretty much told us what we already knew: Ben is a baby of few words.

PAT is a free program through local public school districts that makes home visits and evaluates children from birth to three years old. They check off reached milestones and suggest learning games and activities to get kids and families started on the right track. I always appreciate the suggestions and highly recommend the program.

There are four areas of evaluation: Motor, Intellectual, Social and Language and for kids 14-24 months Ben is doing great in every area... except language. His motor skills are on par with most two-year-olds. He shows great patients and intellect in problem solving, but he's still a baby of few words.

He currently says, "duh." for both dad and dog - and we should all admit it's a little ironic that he interchanges the same word for Chuck and Brandy. He says, "key," for kitty and that's about it for real words. He also says, "goya goya" and "githem" and "booya booya booya booya booya booya ish".

Most kids his age have a vocabulary of 20 or more words. Take Evie, she commentates on everything Ben does and she's six weeks younger. He was pointing to her eye - ok, trying to poke her eye - and she sat there patiently saying, "Eye. Eye. Eye."  As Ben slides down the stairs at lightning speed, she says, "Wow." this is especially funny because she uses a mom voice drawing out her vowels like she's really proud of him.

Despite Ben's short list of words, I'm not concerned. Ben seems to understand what's going on around him and he consistently signs "please." He even sweeps his hand across his chest when Brandy comes between him and a favorite toy. He sits down when I ask him to and he runs away when I say, "It's time to change your diaper."

I'm sure he's learning and knows more than I recognize. It's probably just a matter of time before he's asking me 400 questions a day and I'm longing for these days of sweet silence - or semi-silence. Until then, we'll keep practicing. Where's Duh?
  

Let the Games Begin

The Olympics are always exciting. It's fun to think that the entire world is participating in the same event and it's amazing to see what these athletes are capable of.

This morning Chuck lamented that the games will be broadcast during CST. At some point, I'm sure I'll learn to stop asking why, but I just haven't learned this lesson yet. I'm like a dog that keeps running into the invisible fence - buzz.

He proceeded to tell me that he couldn't pretend to be an Olympic expert and reminded me of one of our first fights. It seems fitting to remember giant fights the day before Valentines Day, so here we go.

The summer games were in full swing back in 2004 and Athens was playing host to the event. This is significant, because that meant events took place approximately 20 hours before they were broadcast in good ol' Independence.

Chuck had spent the previous week reading Olympic results before he watched the broadcast with me. He'd then make predictions, or spout off lesser-known rules of swimming guidelines saying things like, "I think that was an illegal turn. He's going to be disqualified."

Sure enough, all of his predications came to pass. I thought he was an Olympic genius. We had barely been dating a year and I was young and foolishly in love, hence my hanging on his every word.

We were having dinner with friends and I was really talking him up. "Chuck is so smart. He knew the favorite was going to be disqualified."

They played along for a while, "Really?"

"Oh yeah, he's guessed almost every single event correctly. I can't believe he knows so much about the Olympics!"

Snickering.

"What's going on?"

Someone finally let me in on the secret and I was hot. "You're not a Olympic genius, you're a lying genius!" Five and half years later I find his deception more amusing. Yes, I'm an easy target. I have this bad habit of believing what people tell me.

Luckily, there's no need to worry this time, because the games are broadcast in Central Standard Time. Three cheers for the Olympics and three cheers for truth.

We watched the Opening Ceremony last night and it was amazing. The music, dancing, and special effects were all incredible. Although, one oddity stood out. There were two pregnant women in the greeting line of native people. 

There were probably 100 or more people dressed in white sweaters and skirts or pants - depending on their gender - who lined a path for the athletes to enter the center. They danced around and at least two of them were pregnant. These two just happened to be in the background of the close up camera shots on athletes entering. So, you're looking at Shaun White and the top right section of the screen is a bouncing baby bump. Check out NBC's Olympics site to see the dancers. (I couldn't find a close up of the knocked up dancers.)   

I kept seeing pregnant bellies dancing around and it was very distracting. "How many medals has that person won? I couldn't concentrate because of that giant dancing pregnant belly."

Did anyone else see it, and does anyone else think that's weird? I remember being pregnant and I couldn't have danced like that for an hour at seven months. I would have passed out or gone into labor - both are disruptive.

On a more serious note, we send our heartfelt condolences to Nodar Kumaritashvili's family and teammates. We are truly heartbroken for their loss.

Sar-ah-Thon 2010

Today is SG's actual b-day, but true to tradition, she's been celebrating since Saturday. She's received some amazing gifts including a hot air balloon ride and custom earrings. You can read about all of the festivities here.

I joined her at el Patron and Ernie Biggs Saturday night and have only a few specific comments about the evening. (This party has been covered extensively already.)

Ernie Biggs: The piano bar was fun and they played eight of my 10 song requests including the birthday girl's top two picks: Summer of 69 and Lady Humps (sometimes referred to as My Humps), but the pianists were better musicians than singers. Ok I'll say it, they were shouting and off key, which was both distracting and freeing. I didn't feel quite as offensive with my own out-of-tune voice seeing as everyone was off. 

The Cake: This is the second year SG requested a birthday cake from the woman who made her wedding cake. It's strawberry with a super-secret almond icing and heavenly. Until next year, Cake.

Truth Serum: SG took a little heat for this and AA covered all of the details on her blog. It suffices to say that SG, out of love and probably margaritas, gave everyone a healthy dose of honesty. She handed out advice on everything from health to relationships and you know, she was pretty much right on the money.

I like "Honest SG", as I now call her. And I hope I don't have to wait another year to get these little truth treasures. So SG, if you're reading, keep up the good work, you've got a knack.



  

Monkey See Monkey Do

Kids are notorious for proving their parents wrong. If you say, "Oh, he never eats that," be prepared to eat your words.

Ben proved me wrong twice this weekend. He spent Saturday night with Aunt D and Uncle J and his cousins, CJ (3) and NW (17 months) and Sunday we went over as a family to watch the Superbowl.

Saturday night I told D to have Ben do everything her boys did: dinner, bath, milk, bed. She specifically asked, "Can he take a bath with the boys?" And I specifically answered, "Oh yeah, he loves bathes."

And he does. This kid loves water and wails any time you try to remove him from water of any source: the bath, pool, hose, dog bowl, toilet, anything.

Well, that night Ben didn't love the bath. In fact, he hated it. I was told he stood the entire time angrily and urgently signing 'please' and then lifting his hands as if to say, "Please pick me up NOW!"

Sunday night, NW asked for a banana and D gave him one while she informed me that the only way he'll eat bananas is if he can hold it himself. The next thing I know, NW is happily sitting on D's hip holding and eating a banana. He looked like a baby monkey.

Ben was happily sitting on my hip watching NW eat his banana. As I said, "Ben hates bananas no matter how I serve them," Ben pointed one little finger at the bunch and signed 'please'. I tried to remind him that he hates bananas, but D said, "Let him try it."

So I did. And he loved it. And there we were, with our baby monkeys on our hips eating their bananas.

I found Ben's habit of proving me wrong irritating at first, but now I think I can use it to my advantage. Just like everyone else, Ben is motivated by his peers and this is my new key to encouraging good behavior.

We have not completely transitioned from a bottle to a cup. Ben drinks water and juice from a sippy cup, regular cup and a cup with a straw just fine, but when it comes to his milk, it can only be a bottle. I'm going to arrange bedtime with his older cousins again. We're going to make a big deal about how everyone gets milk in a cup and hopefully he'll drink it.

It seems strange to think that someday I'll be advocting against peer pressure, but right now, I'm using it.

Just Smile

Lately I've been writing about my poor parenting skills. And while usually my skills are somewhat lacking, I've got a good piece of parenting advice today. It isn't mine. Michelle Duggar, matriarch of 19 Kids and Counting, gives this advice often. Are you ready, because it's revolutionary?

Smile at your children.

I'm guessing people who don't have children are saying, "duh." But seriously, sometimes you have to remind yourself to smile and it really makes a difference.

Ben is 15 months old and the littlest things break his heart. If I tell him bathtime is over he bursts into tears. If Grammy gathers her coat to leave, he gets fussy. Sometimes I look at him and wonder how he survives so many mini crisis every single day.

Luckily, a smile and hug go a long way to mend these wounds. So remember, smile at your children.

Fashion vs Function

I'm always a tiny bit envious of those moms whose children always look so put together. Their daughters' ponytails are perfect and their sons' sleeves are jam-free.

Ben never looks that put together. He always has bed-head by the end of the day there's definitely food on his clothes.

For a while I blamed him, but now I realize this is my fault. I found this picture yesterday while I was looking for photos of Sharkey. I remember this day. We were totally out of clean clothes and hadn't purchased a fall jacket yet. So Ben ended up wearing this lovely outfit.

Yes, he's is wearing horizontally striped pants, smurf-blue socks, and a fleece dog jacket complete with a bone for a zipper. And yes, I dressed him. Although, when our babysitter mentioned his outfit, I told her Chuck picked it out and we both had a good laugh.

Just like anything else, looking neat and tidy takes planning, specifically planning to do the laundry. In this case, I failed to do that. It also takes planning to purchase the appropriate outerwear for the season. I also failed to do this.

So, as I was riffling though his drawers and weighing our options - the pants you see or swim trunks - I was faced with the choice: Do I let my son look good and be cold, or be warm and look bad? I chose warmth over fashion... and opted to photograph his misfortune.

Goodbye Sharkey

Sharkey's been gone for about six weeks and he's officially settled in to his new home. Since there's no chance of him ever coming back, I thought it only appropriate to give him proper goodbye.

I took Sharkey up to FVH to declaw his back feet. When I dropped him off, one of the vet techs said, "So the front claws weren't enough?"

No, the front claws weren't enough. This crazy kitty climbs the walls - literally. He also eats Ben's food and bites my neck. He jumps in the full bathtub and tears through the house soaking wet. He chews the tops off of pacifiers and bottle nipples earning him the nickname: Pacifier Assassin. He's also helps himself to our dinner waiting on the table. More than once I've seen his little face whisker-deep in mashed potatoes.

He's a crazy cat! We could pull all his teeth and it wouldn't be enough!

I asked my parents if Sharkey could stay at FVH for a few days while he recovered so I didn't have to deal with keeping him quiet and the special litterbox instructions and of course they said yes.

Then I did the unthinkable, something I've always hated, something I've called inexcusable. I dumped my cat at the animal hospital.

People do this more often than you'd think. They drop off Sadie for a spay and say, "We'll pick her up tomorrow." The next thing you know it's been a week and their phone's disconnected.

I have no room in my heart for irresponsible pet owners and honestly, I never set out to dump Sharkey. It just happened. It had been four days and my mom said, "Everyone up at work loves your little cat. He keeps us in stitches all day."

"What cat? Oh yeah, Sharkey. Funny, I didn't even miss him."

My mom said, "Everybody wants to take him home - Teresa, Holly, everyone."

Then I said it, "They can have him." And just like that, I'd dumped a pet. I decided I was never going to pick that cat up and I didn't. I didn't even go tell him goodbye.

Now, he lives with Teresa and his new name is Archie. She says he's a great cat and that her other cat and dog love him. He sleeps with her every night and even won over her husband. Well, good for Sharkey, er... Archie. By the way, he likes mashed potatoes and dry Cheerios.

Six More Weeks of Winter

Well ol' Phil saw his shadow yesterday and that means six more weeks of winter. I can hear SG saying now, "Jerk groundhog."

I was disappointed the thought of six more frigid weeks, so I made a list of six fun wintry things to do. These are the things I long for by the time the thermometer reaches 101 in August.

1. Enjoy some Hot Chocolate. I love hot chocolate and wish I could drink it year round. Land o Lakes makes delicious flavored hot chocolate that you can buy in single-serving packages. Try raspberry, mint or carmel. Yum!

2. Go to a Movie. I loved going to movies during the summer when I was younger. It was always so cold in the theatre and it felt so good after being so hot. But the reverse is true in the winter. Wear a scarf, sneak in some hot chocolate and enjoy a flick.

3. Take in a Hockey Game. Independence opened a new events center last November and it's home to the Missouri Mavericks, a minor league hockey team that's major league fun. The games are exciting and the sound track is awesome (think Guns 'n Roses and Miley Cyrus). Get their schedule and tickets here.

4. Splurge on Comfort Food. Comfort foods are so delicious and taste best when it's cold outside. Fix some chili, roast with potatoes and carrots, or creamy broccoli soup and remember that this is the best time of year to enjoy these tasty meals. Here's Rachael Ray's latest take on chili - Barbecued Chili.

5. Cuddle up by the Fire. Make a date with your love, grab a new CD (or an old favorite) and a blanket, flip on the fire (assuming it's gas - this may involve building a real fire) and cuddle up. I know this sounds corny, but it's a nice escape from the routine and a great way to reconnect.

It's fun to listen to old music and think about life when that song was on the radio. Maybe you were in college, moving to a new city, or just falling in love. And it's fun to discover new music and daydream about what you want to do next. I'm always surprised by what Chuck says when we do this. I've heard really productive things like build shelves for our garage and I've heard what I'll call "other" like start a band. No matter what, it's fun to see what they're thinking and dream a little.

6. Get Outside. Seriously, it was 50 degrees yesterday. Bundle up, collect anyone you'd like to accompany you. I suggest the baby, dog, cat, husband, or neighbor (even the neighbor's baby) and go on a walk. The cool air and sunshine will feel great!

Farewell to Arti Gras

We celebrated Arti's birthday Saturday night in style and apparently this was the last of one of our favorite annual events - Arti Gras.

Every year, Arti celebrates her birthday in a show-stopping style so incredible, it feels like everyone's birthday. To read the complete history of Arti Gras, click here.

And this year's event was truly amazing. It included dinner (I don't know how good that was because I forgot to go. We had Sonic in the car on the way), dancing at Angels Rock Bar, out-of-town guests flying in from NYC for one night for fun, apparently there was a fight over a coat and they may or may not have ended up on COPS. Basically, in the words of Barney Stinson, "It was Legendary."

Here are my Top Five Favorite Moments from Arti Gras - The Finale:

1. Spilling the Beans: I had joined the party late and hadn't been there five minutes when I managed to tell the birthday girl her husband's gift before he'd given it to her. Arti was listing all of her fantastic gifts including: giant chewy nerds, a fleece blanket with kittens on it, and iTunes gift cards when she said, "What did Sudhir get me?" I offered my help and answered, "He got you that iPod cover." She looked excited and guilty at the same time and said, "He hasn't given it to me yet." Apparently he wanted her to have a gift to open on her actual b-day. Oops. She swore she'd look surprised.

2. Sid Singing: Angels Rock Bar is Sid's kind of place and he knew the words to every song. Sometimes he even wrote his own lyrics. I've been singing, "I can only count to four. I can only count to four..." for days now. Sorry Drowning Pool, I like his lyrics better.

3. Meeting Arti and Sid's Cousins: They were super fun. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"I love coming to Kansas City because I get hit on so much more than in NY."

"Have you been talking to Arti? How did you know all that? Isn't

this a good cowboy shirt?"

I realize we need a more explanation, but nothing further will be given to protect the innocent.

4. A Homewrecker Trying to Steal My Man: A cute, although wasted, girl set her blurry sights on Chuck. She put her arm around him, told him she was a nurse, and invited him to do a shot with her. She also climbed over other guys to talk to him more than once.

I think Chuck was flattered by the attention. He said, "She was pretty cute, but she cursed like a sailor." You can always count on Chuck for an honest evaluation.

5. My Friends Fight the Homewrecker: Ok, there wasn't an actual fight. And honestly, seeing a girl so obviously interested in Chuck was kind of an adventure. We're old, married and have a baby. Neither of us have been a stranger's subject of interest for a long time.

But there was a situation and my marriage was on the line. I was going to have to fight for my man. As I was sizing up my competition, trying to decide if I could win this fight - ok, I was daydreaming about how sweet it would be if I actually could fight someone - when my friends took matters into their own hands.

SG marched forward and flat out pushed the homewrecker out of the way so she could sit next to Chuck. Then, Kate climbed over her and essentially sat on her lap slowly edging her out of the booth. And just to make sure she was properly handled, Cec

talked to her for about an hour, discussing the finer points of "how big is too big" when it comes to breast augmentation.

I know it was Arti's party, but I really feel like I got the best gift. I have awesome friends and I'm glad they'll ruff a girl up on my behalf. Thanks ladies!